Kelly Dodd: I Much Prefer Pushing Shannon’s Buttons

"...it’s the Shannon coaster and I can make her go off the rails!"

A couple of segments in this week’s episode deal with the fallout from Lydia and Shannon heated argument at Ava’s birthday party. I am glad to see them reconcile over dinner. I’m sure having Lydia pray for Shannon in the bathroom of The Quiet Woman, so she could better cope with me, helped move their relationship to a better place.

Nobody works harder than Vicki, so when I see how she is successfully growing her business, organically and through new partnerships, I am excited for her. The insurance and financial planning business is based on trust and integrity. Vicki’s success is a testament to those values.

Peggy explained how she decided to proactively have a double mastectomy performed after a screening found pre-invasive cancer cells. How incredibly brave of her! I found her explanation of not wanting to put her family through what she went through when her mother battled cancer truly inspirational. Peggy making such a choice, knowing that it would entail lots of pain, fear, and anxiety, makes her a tremendous role model for women.

I hope nobody takes offense that Michael and I were play-slapping each other in jest. Surely, you can see it done in good humor and fun. We have the windows open most of the time, but for a few days this spring, we had an infestation of tiny fruit flies or gnats in the kitchen. They were driving me crazy. So, we had some fun fly swatting.

Before I jump fully into the Shannon-igans at The Quiet Woman, I want to explain something...as you saw, Lydia actually invited me to dinner when she was riding in Peggy’s Ferrari. I thought Tamra was going to dinner, but I wasn’t sure about Shannon. Regardless, I had to decline because my dear friend had family visiting from Philadelphia and they invited Michael and me for a sunset cruise on Newport Harbor. That’s where I was when Lydia called - enjoying a beautiful day with close friends on the water, sharing some great wine and hors d’oeuvers.

Once we got off the boat my friends still wanted to hang out. Our village is quaint, but it’s not the most happening place late night. Since most of the restaurants shut down their kitchens early, the locals usually gravitate to, you guessed it, The Quiet Woman.   As I said, it’s close to my house and it’s my jam.  So, that’s where we decided to go.  As I walked in, I was pretty sure Lydia’s dinner party would have ended and the ladies would be gone.

We live at the beach, overlooking the lifeguard towers. Whenever the waves are huge and the rip currents are strong, lifeguards raise the red flags. That means it isn’t safe to go in the water, or in this case, The Quiet Woman. As soon as I entered the bar, Tamra says, “Oh my God, Kelly Dodd just walked in,” and Lydia issues a red flag warning. Caution. Turbulent seas ahead.

After being on a boat all day, my bladder was bursting. My first stop was the ladies room. As Murphy’s Law would have it, I run into Shannon, who is already there, in the bathroom. Un-freaking-believable. We had not spoken for months, not since the reunion. The wounds were not fresh, but they were still there.

Shannon and I have never really gotten along, as evidenced by our argument at the '70s party, our screaming match on the bus ride to the airport in Dublin, or our contentious exchanges during the reunion. As much as we might try, we just can’t seem to bond. Which, as an aside, confuses Michael, because he thinks that if we hadn’t gotten off to such a bad start, we would otherwise naturally be great friends. Perhaps we are too much alike? Obviously, we are both very “expressive.”

Last year, fighting with Shannon would render me an emotional wreck for days and weeks on end. I would take everything to heart and then go into full attack mode. I think Shannon and I both have the attitude that, if you hit me, I’m going to hit you back harder. While I still have that tendency, now, I much prefer pushing Shannon’s buttons and then stand back to watch the show. As I said, it’s the Shannon coaster and I can make her go off the rails! Everybody likes to watch a good crash, so long as no one gets hurt. Thanks Shannon for letting me go pee first. Thanks Lydia for your prayers.

When I joined the ladies at the table it was not my intention to get into an argument with anyone. I am sure Shannon felt the same way when she sat down. By the way, if you notice, I took Tamra’s place at the table, which left Shannon a seat opposite me. So, that really wasn’t her plate she threw down. That really wasn’t her half-eaten steak.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1...whooooosh...California Screamin’ coaster away!!!!

The ride didn’t last long. After Shannon dropped a barrage of F-bombs, combined with some not-so-subtle hand gestures, Shannon told me to leave “her” table. I gladly obliged “my darling,” but not before making one last below-the-belt comeback. Here’s some advice: Don’t point out your weakness, then attack me, because I may use it against you. Wow, she was pissed!! I know Shannon has been dealing with a lot lately, but I thought that, in this case, she lost all perspective. She went off the rails. All I could do was laugh my ass off. I’m sorry, but I thought her reaction was hysterical. Way, way over the top. I have to admit that I love bringing out Shannon’s expressive side.

I decided I am not getting upset anymore when Shannon gets mad and goes off on me. That’s why, when Lydia and Peggy were standing out in front of the restaurant, feeling totally embarrassed, I was making bubble faces against the front door glass. Lighten up, girls. Finally, Tamra, if I am so angry, why am I laughing, instead of name-calling?

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