Ahhh — can I just say that Botox and me are not friends, and the main reason is that I absolutely HATE needles! OK every couple of months I do give blood at work for the Red Cross, but I'm a huge baby about it. The fear of needles is the real reason that Botox is not on my list of "must-haves." Tamra and Tammy are both very beautiful women, and I don't think they need anything done to their faces. But, if they feel better by having Botox, then I say, "Go for it girls." But can I just tell you that I have seen them close up and I think that they look beautiful just the way they are, truly.
The oxygen rejuvenation facial I received that day was a little slice of heaven! If they invent a way to get rid of my wrinkles without a needle, then sign me up! I hate those "11" lines between my eyes — I've had them since birth and they have always bugged me. Getting rid of that would be nice, or the lines around my lips ... I could go on forever here. Someone please stop me! I really hate getting older. My little comment about "dating younger men ... because I can" had nothing to do with the girls or Botox or me thinking I'm all that ... period. I must have been feeling particularly sassy that day.
I have been spending a lot more time with Tamra and Tammy (and all the Housewives in fact) over these past few months since our filming during the summer. Yes, they were catty to me at first, but it's not that way at all now. We get together for lunch, interviews, cocktails, and also e-mail each other often these days. In fact, on New Year's Eve, Tammy, Jeana, and I spent it together celebrating 2008! Jeana has really helped loop me into the group — I had called her a few months back and asked for her help. You have to understand that the Housewives had so much time to bond together before I joined the show. I didn't blame them for being cautious toward me — I probably would have been also. Thank God it's not that way now, and thank you, Jeana, for your friendship.
Billy, Billy, Billy ...
Billy's avoidance on the "Are you my boyfriend" question really made me wonder just what the heck am I doing?! I'm not really as upset with Billy as much as I am with myself. I'm an idiot! What the heck am I doing? Do I want to be loved so badly that I would contemplate compromising myself and my beliefs? Why am I so weak and why can't I be stronger? I've been away from Colin's father for almost 16 years now and have had two long term (four and five year) relationships during that time frame — David from San Clemente (you saw me move my things out of our home on one episode) and David from New York that just visited and BBQ'd in my back yard. Both of them are still my very good friends. I love their families and we have remained close over the years.
But I am really tired of going through this life alone, and yes I understand that my feisty comments to and about Billy might make some people ask ... how can I call myself Christian? Check out Matthew 9:12. On hearing this, Jesus said, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick." Believing in God does not make me perfect. No, far from it. I realize that I am weak and that I need his help. Why is it so hard to find the right man for me? I'm starting to think that younger men are really not for me.