Holy Tequila Batman

NYC Housewife Bethenny Frankel weighs in on the Gretchen/Ryan debacle.

I was chomping at the bit to review this one. Bravo didn't send me this week's episode early, most likely because they justifiably didn't want any of this drama to leak.

Now, let's get down to it. First of all, as far as the absurd etiquette lesson goes, the "etiquette expert" was slouching. Second of all, gag me with a salad fork. In this financial climate, I'm sure people are spending their money to learn how and from which corner to pick up a napkin. Back on planet earth, we are happy when someone has the napkin on their lap and avoids stuffing it in their shirt. This etiquette nonsense is absurd.

Furthermore, (and I'm prefacing this by saying that Tamra is officially my favorite housewife right now) Tamra doesn't need an etiquette class. If she stopped grabbing her husband's Christmas bells and stopped referring to his pubic hair that would be a nice start. Also, wearing a skirt that is longer than her tampon string wouldn't hurt either. Kidding aside, she is entertaining and I love her one-liners. Her position on this series is secure.

Down to that teenage callgirl of a daughter that Lynne has. I watched with Jill Zarin and we both agree that if Ally ever dared to act remotely similar, she would be dragged by her hair down First Avenue in Manhattan. Sell that car and put the money towards finishing school. The bowling alley, the smoking and drinking was a disgrace. To that point, I like that Tamra keeps her children out of the spotlight where they should be.

I thought that the setup for Tamra's party was great. I used to be in event production, and I really thought the table looked beautiful. Simon was irritating her in the planning, but I thought his suggestions were helpful. The wardrobe on all of the women was HORRID and hurt my feelings - Tamra needs to rethink that green monster of a silk shirt during the interview section. Been there done that. When I look at some of the outfits I've dared to wear, I cringe. Hindsight is 20/20.

That was the appetizer section - let's get down to the main course. Now, I'm no stranger to a skinnygirl margarita, but the homegirls really took it to another level. Gretchen's need for attention is staggering. A reader corrected me in constantly highlighting that she is only 30. I stand corrected. 30 years old is an adult - a woman and I had a very successful business and tons of responsibility by that age (and I had a marriage under my belt). Gretchen's comments such as "stick it to me," "furry balls," "clean my palate" and so on were really off the rails. Alcohol is truth serum. This is coming from the girl who broke up with Jason and drank my weight in gold tequila on Alex and Simon's birthday boat. I'm not a saint or an angel, but Gretchen lapped me several times.

To play devil's advocate, I can only imagine what being trapped in a hospital room for months will do, and I can definitely see letting loose and rebelling. However, even when buzzed or drunk, we have some semblance of reality creeping through. Hitting on your castmate's tatoo-ridden son while your fiance is lying in a hospital bed just isn't kosher on any level. Jill felt that Gretchen was a victim and sabotaged. I'm mixed here. I applaud Jeana and Lynne trying to reduce the drinking and take Gretchen home, and I see Jill's point about Tamra's comment to get her really drunk. Gretchen is an adult though. Tamra just added insult to injury and the whole thing was beyond classless. Lynne was very nice and I can see that she has a good heart. She needs to toughen up for her daughters, but she seems like a good and loyal concerned person particularly in this scene. It was truly an embarrassment.

I don't think anything actually happened with Ryan, and frankly, he is 18 or 19 or 20 or whatever, he definitely doesn't think with the head on his shoulders. Who could blame him for his actions? She's hot and when a dog sees a steak, what's a dog to do?

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