Vicki talks about her relationship with Donn, and how mutual respect and trust makes a marriage work.
Welcome back to episode five and Happy Holidays to everyone. This was a fun episode and not a lot of drama which is always nice. It was fun going to Barbara Parkers jewelry store to pick out Donn's new wedding ring. I ended up getting him a white gold and yellow gold combination with 3 princess cut diamonds totaling 1.5 carats. He was so excited. The inscription that I ended up having her put in the ring said "Happy 15 years." I didn't want to get too detailed in the inside of the ring, and thought that was enough.
The Florida trip didn't end up exactly how I had planned, but we ended up having a good time anyways. I can't really judge how Simon and Jim are with their wives, as I stated it just wouldn't work for me. To have husbands say that "their wife CAN'T or WON'T" travel without them is drastically different from the people I associate with. Most of my women friends are all in the business world and have to travel for a living. My girlfriends that are married and not working are fine traveling without their husbands and we have a great time when we do. If Donn and I had the rule that we couldn't travel without each other, it would be very difficult to manage our careers and don't think it would work for us. On my 'girl trips,' there is NO way that Donn would ever expect to go, just as I wouldn't expect to go on his 'guy trips.' I believe it is healthy to have time apart from one another. There is a pretty strong chance in life, that one spouse will end up without the other sometime, and if you've never been able to travel alone, have a sense of independence, I think it is extremely damaging and crippling to each other. When my father passed away 11 years ago, it was devastating to my mom. She never had to worry about finances, writing a check, traveling or buying a car on her own. It really handicapped her when he was gone. When Donn's father passed away, it left his mother in a terrible situation. She never had a drivers license, never wrote a check and never went anywhere without him. It was devastating to her and she felt like half of herself was missing when he died. I don't believe ANYONE should be that dependent on someone else in this day and age. This Florida trip was supposed to be a girls trip, not a couples trip and I feel the girls should have declined and NOT gone if they couldn't go without their husbands.
I actually just finished my book More Than a Housewife that is now shipping this week. It's been a six month journey to complete it and it has been really exciting to see the amount of people that have contacted me saying how it has given them hope and courage to be independent in their life. I think the book is perfect timing with what is happening in the economy. It inspires women to not be dependent on ANYONE and to learn how to set goals to achieve a happy, healthy and prosperous life, whether you are married, single, searching for a career, in school or in any walk of life.
My relationship with Donn "works," but we respect and trust each other and don't control one another. The last thing I'd want at 47 years old is someone telling me what I can and can't do. Being married is about trusting each other, and if you don't trust one another, as far as I'm concerned the marriage is not healthy. Donn would never tell me I couldn't do something ... it just wouldn't happen and because he "lets me be me and I let him be him." We respect and love each other so much more than a couple in a controlling relationship. Being controlled or told what I can and can't do is reminiscent of my childhood, when my parents told me what to do. Who wants to go back to that time in their life?
When Simon told Donn our marriage is "not normal," I think it was disrespectful. I would NEVER say that about Simon and Tamra's marriage because I respect and care for Tamra. She is married to Simon and she obviously loves him very much. I respect their marriage and wish them both happiness and balance within their relationship. Contrary to what Simon thinks, I have NEVER told Tamra how to act or "be" in her marriage; I have only supported them. I told her how I wish her happiness and that she should try and make their marriage work for the sake of their children and their family.
Wishing everyone a happy and healthy holiday season. If you have time, please check out my new website www.vickigunvalson.com .