Cast Blog: #RHOC

Land of the Free, Home of the Botox

Tamra: Lizzie's Obsessed With Me

Shannon Settles the Score

Lizzie: Tamra Doesn't Fight Fair

Heather: Why Hate?

RHOC Reunion GIFs: The Gloves Come Off

Lizzie on That Kentucky Fried Nickname

Shannon on Heather's Double Standard

RHOC Reunion GIFs: Psychics, Opinions, and Shade

Heather Weighs in on the Dinner Party

The Difference Between Shannon and Heather

Lizzie Forgives Tamra

Vicki Wants the Best for Tamra

GIF Recap: RHOC Season 9 Finale

Vicki: I'm Tired of Tamra Causing Problems

Recap: 13 GIF-able Life Lessons from Bali

Tamra: Lizzie Is the Worst Kind of Person

Lizzie: Tamra Has it Out for Me

Shannon: There's No Hope Tamra and I

Tamra: Lizzie's Out for Blood

Heather: Can't Friends Disagree

Lizzie: What Tamra's Doing Isn't Right

GIF Recap: Kayaks, Crowns, and Elephants

Shannon Was Shocked Tamra Would Betray Her

Tamra: I Was a Fool to Defend Vicki

Heather: Newsflash It's Not All My Fault

Vicki's Warning to Lizzie

Shannon Isn't Putting Emotions onto Tamra

Lizzie: I Thought Tamra Was My Friend

GIF Recap: Lizzie's Lonely Birthday Dance

Tamra: I'm Going to Be a Tam-ma!

Vicki: This Episode Was Hard to Watch

Heather: I Did Owe Shannon an Apology

Shannon: Tamra Is Stirring the Pot

Lizzie: Tamra Is Stirring Up Sh--

GIF Recap: What Does Tamra Remember?

Vicki Is Trying to Stay Neutral

Shannon: Tamra's Lies Are Mind Boggling

GIF Recap: Lizzie's Dinner Party Disaster

Vicki Advises Shannon to Keep Communication Lines Open

Lizzie: "I Take Sun Kitten Swimwear Very Seriously"

Land of the Free, Home of the Botox

Bravotv.com's Assistant Editor distills all the 'Wife wisdom from Episode 5.

America is the land of the free, home of the brave. Orange County is the land of the big boobs, blonde hair, and Botox, and the home of some of our favorite Housewives. And this week we saw the 'Wives truly embrace their patriotism. They exercised their freedom of speech by fighting H8, upheld their right to bear arms (or pepper spray), and gave thanks for their bounty (and Botox). So let's cut ourselves a big slice of apple pie, and dive right in to our Orange County lessons from this week.

Beauty

Peggy had quite a bit to teach us about beauty. First off, holistic healing does not preclude plastic surgery. At least not in Orange County. Peggy makes no bones about loving her fake boobs and refuses to be judged for having them. As she so astutely pointed out, "There's a lot of fake boobs here. If you don't like them, don't get them. But don't give me s--- because I have them." So ladies, get your boobs done (or not), just don't give Peggy a hard time. You never know when she might have that bedazzled Beretta in her bag... 

We also learned that before bringing your babies to a modeling agency, you might want to be sure that they're ready to strut their stuff. Capri and London looked adorable, but they weren't exactly cooperative for the camera. You know it's bad when your child doesn't even respond to promises of ice cream! Hopefully they'll nail it next time. 

P.S. I have to admit I laughed aloud when Andy played that Gia clip last night. No one rocks a runway like that little Jersey minx!

Etiquette

It's a big deal when someone gets their American citizenship, and missing the celebration will inevitably hurt the feelings of that proud new citizen, even if you hadn't fully committed to going. When Fernanda confronted Tamra about not showing at her party, it was one of those awkward train wreck moments. Tamra clearly didn't see that one coming from her fun and flirty friend, and Peggy looked like she was about to jump out the window to avoid being caught in the middle. I kind of saw both sides of the argument, but if you feel strongly either way vote in our Tweet Battle. I guess the lesson learned is not to argue about a party at a party. (Especially a Botox party. What if you mess up your freshly frozen face?) 

Speaking of Alexis' party, Alexis taught us that it's fine to invite someone you may not care for, so long as they promise to "leave the gun at home." I guess that's why Tamra got Vicki some pepper spray instead? In Orange County, it never hurts to go to a friend's party armed. Even if it is a relaxation and rejuvenation party. Because really, there's nothing more relaxing than feeling safe and protected against your frenemies. 

Family

When it comes to family, nothing is taboo. Even petty larceny (so long as it's for a good reason). Gretchen will go to any lengths to make her parents' 40th wedding anniversary special, even if it involves a ninja like break in to secure her mother's dress. I think though the lesson here is to have your mother's friend keep her out for longer! Gretchen only had half an hour to get there, grab the dress, and go. Her inside woman really should have stalled for at least an hour so she didn't have to constantly keep watch. To be fair, Gretchen also could have been a little more focused on the task at hand rather than her mother's clothing, but still. 

Don't question Vicki in her own kitchen. At family dinner, everyone has a role, and when you don't follow orders, things blow up. Or just combust on the grill like Vicki's steaks. 

And speaking of Vicki's mothering, in next week's preview it looks like Vicki may be a little too friendly/hands-on with punishing her staff...