Tamra Barney

Tamra talks about her photo shoot and the Fernanda drama.

on Apr 4, 20110

Hola from Cabo! We are back in Cabo at The Casa Dorado (eight months later) to celebrate Eddie and Vicki's birthday. The hotel had a fabulous party in the penthouse suite, and we got to meet a lot of wonderful local business owners.  we were asked to shoot the cover of Cabo Social at sunrise on the beach. It was an amazing experience even if we had to get up at 4:30 AM to do it. I cant wait to see the finished product.

Moving from my apartment and going through all my stuff was difficult to do, as you could see. All the boxes were from my old house that I lived in with Simon, and I had not gone through them in years. Like most guys, Eddie didn't understand why I was keeping all my wedding stuff. Women like to keep everything, and I think that is the difference between men and women. What I had told him was that, "I am keeping it for my kids." I'm sure there will be a day that I hand everything from pictures to my dress over to my kids, and it will make them very happy. When I told Eddie that he agreed and thought it would be better if I did it on my own, so he left. Putting my toasting glass in the dumpster was hard, I did it to test my feelings to see how it felt, and if I was able to let go of something. I left them there in the dumpster and thought many times that I should go back and get them, but I didn't. It was very hard to watch that scene. 

I love my new house, and the kids are very happy. Sidney and Sophia are sharing a room for the first time, which took some getting use to for them. We had a painting party and had so much fun painting their rooms and decorating, even if the kids were covered in paint! The kids love the street we live on and have lots of friends to play with. It will never compare to the house they had with mommy and daddy, but we are all doing the best we can to keep positive. I am a little sad that you don't get to see a little of the kids this season, but it was just too soon for them to be bothered by cameras. Our production company was nice enough to film around my custody schedule, which gave me the time we need as a family.

The NOH8 photo shoot was a lot of fun! We actually went up there with a lot of friends and did a lot more photos than what they showed. But of course they want it to look as if it was all about me and Fernanda. I think Fernanda is a wonderful person and a great friend. This photo shoot meant a lot for her as a lesbian that would love to be married one day. I know there are a lot of people that probably don't agree with me on this subject, and I understand everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I think if you're in love and want to get married you should be able too. My BFF Ricky has been with Diego, his partner, for 20 years. They were able to get married a couple years ago when it was legal for a short time. They were both at the photo shoot with their two adorable sons.  Bummed you didn't get to see that too! Doing the NOH8 photo shoot does not make me a lesbian (for those of you that keep asking). I love my friend, and we joke a lot, but we are just friends. I am a big supporter of gay marriages and hope some day same sex marriages will be legal. So if my cast members want to bash me for supporting my friends...shame on them!  

58 comments
Nelda
Nelda

That saves me. Thanks for being so sensilbe!

Valerie Starr
Valerie Starr

I love Tamra, I think if she lived near me we would auctually be friends, her outragous blunt personality is exactly like mine, she will set your ass streight if your her best friend, her husband or a person she met an hour ago!

GK
GK

Gabby-

you rocked it. great way to put everything is perspective. Are you sure you havent studied Psych? I have.. and you get it (more than a lot of counselors/therapists out there!)

:)

Little Bit
Little Bit

Tamra, you need to curb your tongue or think before you speak. I realize that your new found freedom can give you an adrenaline rush. But that is no excuse for being rude and thoughtless. Good manners are always in style. You seem to forget that you are a guest in someone's home.

missFITT
missFITT

Tamra I sooooo enjoyed watching your's and Eddie's vacation in Spain!! You literally glow now!! Good for you! You deserve to be happy and I am so happy to see that you have finally gotten your happy back :) You and Eddie make an awesome couple, all the haters are just jealous. I think he completes you in every sense of the word!! Much love from South Texas

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peacockw
peacockw

were do get your clothes you hsd a top on that was bright with a face?

Eve4ever
Eve4ever

You are hot, You are happy, You are beautiful, You go girl.

FabClassy-HWFan
FabClassy-HWFan

Tamra, One great thing about you is that I think that you give women the hope that there can be a better life after a divorce. You are so funny this season and can be caty (as always) but most girls are - you are just caught on camera :) Good for you living life how you want to!

Marycc
Marycc

Tamra,

Gretchen needs to get over it already. Good luck to you and Eddie.

Mary in CT

Vanessa@AustinTX
Vanessa@AustinTX

I completely understand what you mean about keeping things from your marriage. My parents divorced when I was little, and although I know they did the right thing (trust me, it would have been hell for them to stay together) by getting divorced, its nice knowing I have something that belonged to the both of them when they were once in love. It was awkward the way Fernanda approached you, especially if you guys had already talked about it but it seems like she was still hurt. Sometimes life is just so hectic you cant cater to everyone's needs/wants! Trust me, I've missed so many great moments b/c of work. This is where the Vicki in me comes in! Gotta keep on livin!

valedia
valedia

What color (specific name and brand) of white nail polish are you wearing? Everyone is talking about it!

Amber1225
Amber1225

I completely sympathized with you when you were moving and had to go through boxes of old wedding stuff. I, too, became very emotional when I packed up all of my things after my divorce. Though glad to be rid of him, as I am sure you are of Simon, it was a huge part of our lives and and it's hard to pack it all up and say goodbye. You are a beautiful and strong woman and I wish you nothing but the best always!

Bluesangel219
Bluesangel219

Let me add to this comment by saying when you allow someone to provide for you financially, you are giving them permission to control your life. Eddie is a Latino and they tend to be VERY controlling over women who depend on them financially. Trust me on this one, I'm a Latina woman who's seen this exact scenario over and over again.

beth smith
beth smith

tamra you are the main reason i watch the show i think your great, however i think you didnt quite understand where Fernanda was coming from , i don't think she meant in such the way you thought she just said she was disappointed and that was it but through all of that its great that you two have such a strong friendship and its great that your on board the NOH8 campaign and your supporting your lesbian friend even though the editors made it out as just a little bit more than a friendship but hey i hope we get to see more of Fernanda in the future she looks like great fun. keep up with your hilarious attitude and great take on life because it really lightens the show i thought the pepper spray was a side splitting joke and its a shame that people didnt see it that way all the best of luck xx

Penabuttacup
Penabuttacup

I just don't know what to make of you this season. But, I know "true friend" and Tamra will never be in the same sentence. Grow up.

GABBYVAL
GABBYVAL

Ok I am beyond confused at the comments I am reading.....Has any of these people gone through divorce with three small kids, moving, new boyfriend, trying to keep up with all your friendships , working and all other obligations?????? Not to mention emotionally trying to heal???? WOW people....Lets try to use some common sense. First, clearly, the things that Tamara says, most of the time are for humor because sometimes thats the only way to deal with stress. You dont need a psyc degree to figure that out...just a brain!! The situation with Gretchen has always been this way..on both sides...enough said about that. Fernanda...well please...did she go through divorce and have 3 kids while moving?? You dont just call up and change your move date. Its usually based on making sure you have the kids covered, and being out of the place you are living in. She is still making time with friends through all of it but obviously cant do everything. Give me a break...You know, NOBODY is perfect. I am not saying that she is . She is human and its completely ridiculous that so many can pass judgement. I am a pretty reasonable person and can usually make a fair assessment and it drives me crazy having veiwers be so narrowminded and not realize that you will never know it all so why get so heated over it. Try to be reasonable enough to realize its a tv show with many details left out. I am not a big obsessive, Tamara fan. I am not at all with any of them. However I can read between the lines and relate to alot of what she is going through and many of the others. Try to enjoy the show in that way and maybe there wont be so much bashing!!

Tamara, Just a couple things...I can relate more than I can say... Its a big transition you are going through and you are obviously taking it day by day which is very very difficult in front of a judgemental world. I can even relate with your new boyfriend situation, again, more than you know. Dont ever feel forced to throw out your memories and parts of your life because someone else doesnt understand. You are not hurting him at all and if he cant understand that ...its not you its him! You have 3 children that someday will want to know you loved their father and didnt throw away the special things from that time. Its part of who you are . It doesnt mean you are hanging on to him and not moving forward. And because everything happened so fast, part of you , I am sure, isnt completely healed anyway. So dont try to please others. Deal with it at your own pace. You are human for God sake! If he loves you he will understand! You have alot on your plate and arent always going to handle it perfectly so the hell with what everyone says. But I think you know that! Thanks for making me laugh and honestly, because I have been through something similar (with the exception of having money, lol) I think its helped me alot to watch. Like I said before, no one is perfect but I do truely understand. GABBY

Bailey62
Bailey62

Tamera,

First let me say how much I admire you...you got divorced, had to downsize considerably...and took it like an adult...you moved on with grace!!!!! My goodness when Laurie had to move into the smaller townhouse every conversation she had with anyone was boo-hoo me I have to live in this little townhouse.

I am in agreement with other writers about Eddie...it troubles me that he asked why you didn't throw all of your wedding things away...I am divorced also and my children have all the things I had from my wedding...he should understand that...Maybe it was just a misunderstanding but you need to set him straight!!! Let him know that you will be keeping everything you have from your marriage for as long as you want....

I am glad you did the photo shoot for your friend..but I am also troubled by the way you address situations when being interviewed about swimming in the lady pond...You are a mother of both young and grown children you should not be talking about your sex life openly as you do when you have children no matter who you are having sex with!!!!!

I hope to see you so much more on the show...I hope to see you grow an right your mistakes....

Jerseygirl2
Jerseygirl2

Not liking this season so much, it's a bit slimy. Bring back Jenna, Laurie and Jo and the rest of the "REAL" housewifes of OC. Too cheap! Alexis not only thinks she is God's gift, she thinks she is God! Yuck, to her and to Tamara in the bath tub! Somt things are better when not seen!

Viewer from GA
Viewer from GA

Tamra, I find it interesting that you can still be so vindictive. It is time to just move on and forget whoever slighted you in the least. Gretchen is not worth your time and energy. I think you are distrustful and your comments about the others gets tiresome. To flaunt the pepper spray at the end of a party was totally uncalled for. None of the other ladies were involved in your tit for tat with Vicki, nor do they want to be a part of it. It is such bad taste on your part. Show some class and fergeddabouit! For Fernanda, she was disappointed. Just listen to her and give her a bit of your time that you understand her feelings and will try to be the friend she expects you to be in the future. Enough said! It is hard to say whether you are a kind person as you tend to target some of the other ladies and can be a bully. How do you feel when you watch yourself later? I wonder.....I would honestly be appalled. To watch your marriage disintegrate was painful. Simon was very controlling but then again I wonder if he was truly the bad guy? Hard to say as there is much we as the viewers do not see off-camera. Best of luck to you and your future endeavors.

kate1
kate1

Oh my god! I've been dating a man three years younger then me, should I have been charging his parents for babsitting??

AlyJag
AlyJag

Tamra-I agree with most that the pepper spray joke was inappropriate bringing up at the party as you were leaving. If it was a joke just for Vicky then don't expect the other women to find it funny especially when so many of you have problems with each other. Also, I think Fernanda was just trying to tell you how she felt-not once did she get nasty or try to talk above you or ignore your reaction to what she was saying. I truly think she wasn't trying to make you feel bad but friends should be able to tell each other how they feel. It was upsetting seeing you go through your old things-I hope things are getting better for you each day. Congrats on being able to throw away your glasses-it was probably very difficult to do. I agree with you that some things just can't be thrown away and its nice to know that you are thinking of your kids maybe someday them wanting to use some of the things their mom and dad used on their wedding day.

upset Viewer
upset Viewer

Tamra, Thank you for the NoH8 campaign. It is the one good thing I have seen you participate in. You present as mean, rude, and crude. Perhaps you are not, but that is how you make it seem. Do you really have to say Bitches so much? It is so trashy and makes you seem ignorant.Trashy is NOT hot or sexy.Please remember that young people may watch Housewives and you are not modeling behavior that teaches our young women how to feel good about themselves and it does not teach young men how to respect females. It really saddens me to think that Housewives may be real and not "just acting".

Allison R
Allison R

Who cares if she didn't go to a friends party??? Life is not ALL about pleasing others - if Tamra couldn't go....even if she just didn't want to go - who cares? How many times does she need to explain herself and apologize? These women are way too needy and it makes watching difficult. I can almost promise that every single person that commented on this situation has, at some point in their lives had to miss a special event. Get over it.

Yet Another Viewer Comment
Yet Another Viewer Comment

Fernanda was off the mark in attempting to set Tamra straight. She portrayed herself as being calm and cool and in control - in control of what? Tamra? All she had to do is accept Tamra's apology for not being at her party, and just state that she was disappointed and leave it at that. What she did was prolong this stupid confrontation and admitted she was not going to let it bother her (or however she stated it) but she kept the &^%$#@! going. But then again, the whole show is for dramatic effect! Tamra chose to take care of her living situation the way she did for a reason. Bug off Fernanda!

CaliGirly
CaliGirly

true! one latina fan lost here, did not like the charo comment at all, not funny at all

Semore
Semore

Tamara,

I can understand that you may like to "joke" and that you are in "time of transition", but you hit that you have dabbled in the v-pool, does it not occur to you that perhaps feelings could develop just because you are having fun it could be at the expense of someone's heart. Lastly, the pepper spray, if it was truly a joke between you and vicky, that's where it should have stayed.

Amy1979
Amy1979

Every season you have been on I did not like you...well I LOVE the new Tamra!! This season has been by far the best for you...I love the sense of humor you get to show now since the stick (Simon) has been removed from your A**.

heresexy
heresexy

Tamra I think your great. I love you and Vicki. I TOTALLY BELIEVE NEVER ALLOW A MAN TO CONTROL YOU! A MAN SHOULD BE YOUR BEST FRIEND AND ALEXIS IS JUST JEALOUS YOU GOT OUT AND SHE HASNT YET AND GRETCHEN JEALOUS BECAUSE HER MAN UGLY AND NO GOOD AND YOUR MAN IS FINE AND TOP IT OFF HAS MONEY. SO KEEP DOING YOU AND DON'T ALLOW PEOPLES JEALOUSY BRING YOU DOWN.

STAY FOCUS ON YOUR LIFE, CAREER, AND YOUR CHILDREN!! A MAN IS JUST THE ICING OF OUR LIFE.

Kriskross
Kriskross

I know what your going through....It's a hard thing, but you do what makes you happy and I'm glad you found someone who makes you happy and can be your best friend.

vjpb
vjpb

"I am a big supporter of gay marriages and hope some day same sex marriages will be legal."

I should certainly hope so considering you are a two time divorcee. Marriage is obviously not all that sacred to you.

I would like to know what the "Charo" comment which you have apologized for was supposed to mean in the first place. Was it meant to be an insult? Charo is more talented and successful than you could ever hope to be

Trish23
Trish23

Run as fast as you can from Eddie. The garage scene with him questioning you keeping your very special items from a previous marriage was very telling. It says one thing...he is very insecure. You have children by Simon. He is the father of your children. You should be keeping all of it for them. What would that say to your kids if you threw away all your memories from your past. Yes there are a few benefits to a young man, but one of them is not this trait. He hasn't been in that situation before and therefore doesn't understand that your past is your past. His job is to raise you up, make you feel secure and allow you to make decisions on your own. In other words, support you not try to tell you what to do. You're awesome Tamara and deserve much, much better. I was glad that you left Simon, but Eddie is not all he's cracked up to be. RUN.

hayls662
hayls662

Hi Tamra,

I just wanted to say that you have always been my favorite. And its great to see you so happy this season. The whole reaction to mace joke is ridiculous. It was obviously a joke. But some people love to create drama and you can see that is exactly what Alexis is doing. Its great to see that you are flying above it all and being true to yourself. Alexis and Gretchen keep talking about you and its somewhat scary - sort of like an obsession. Its awesome to see you and Vicki being close and having fun. Life is too short to waste it on the drama. And it looks like you are living life to the fullest. Thank you for allowing the viewers to see the real you as you continue down this journey of healing and freedom. Can't wait till next Sunday.

ddg
ddg

Calling Fernanda "Charo" was ugly and nasty and I would never call you a friend again. I take offense to your ignorant statement. I can't believe that people let you get away with statements like that, especially considering that you are dating a latino man. I think you lost a lot of fans Sunday night.

kimmycups
kimmycups

Puleeze! 5 years does not make you a cougar! ( and Peggy is only 2 years older than her "younger" man?)

anparis
anparis

Tamra, between you and Vicky, I am being turned off on this show. Vicky always needs someone to have her back. Also, since she always likes to have girls' only outings, maybe she and Fernanda should get together as a couple. You, Tamra seems to be out of control. What does your oldest son think of your behavior? You need a Simon in your life.

Lindaap
Lindaap

First time commenting...because I was so disappointed last night in Tamra's actions. First...as stated in other comments, I saw red flags go up with Eddie's behavior in wanting you to throw away your possessions that he felt you should not have with Simon. That shows the insecurity of this man. Then to watch you throw out your glasses because of him? You are falling into the same pattern you had with Simon. Maybe you would have thrown those glasses away yourself but he was def. a reason you did. Why should someone throw away their memories? Only an insecure man would have suggested this. Second...with Fernanda..You claim you are such a good friend and she tries to tell you how she feels and you can only think about how you are feeling and cutting her off so quickly? Then you go and call her CHARO??? Seems like you turn vicious on people when they do something you don't like. That is not a friend. How dare you call her that and make fun of her? That was down right rude. Third at the botox party you could not just leave and be a lady? You had to make a joke that was vicious with the pepper spray? I really thought you were coming along. Happy and care free this season. You were fun to watch and this episode just really showed your true colors. Run Vickie..because I don't feel Tamara is a true friend and see that you are..Glad I got all this off my chest!

Vee Lu
Vee Lu

Tamra I think that it was very healthy of Fernanda to express her feelings to you on or off camera. You were extremely defensive towards her and that wasn't cool. She wanted to share something special that was going on in her life so cut her a little slack. I think the pepper spray fiasco was childish and silly. As soon as you made the comment, you could cut the tension with a knife. Until you and Gretchen can get on the same sheet of music you have to be careful about the way you choose to "joke" with people since all of you ladies are extra sensitive.

Wire hanger??
Wire hanger??

I was shocked when you were moving to see all your clothes in the closet on wire hangers! I'm not as ritzy as you or claim to be the hottest housewife in my neighborhood but WIRE hangers are a big no no in my house.

Viewerlastnight
Viewerlastnight

If I had a friend becoming a US Citizen nothing would keep me away from celebrating with her. She may have accepted you appology but you should have been there.

Viewer987989
Viewer987989

Tamara and Fernanda are hot. Please do another photo shoot together.

LEESE
LEESE

Don't get upset with Fernanda for her reaction. It is important that she be able to express that to you as friends, and just expressing it could be what she needs to forgive you. And she does need to forgive you, not because you did something to try to hurt her or that you didn't want to be there for her, but because the situation turned out so that you didn't have the option to be there for her. It's one of those rare situations that needs to be approached as if you did intentionally hurt her, even though you didn't (assuming you couldn't have rearranged your moving schedule).

I had a similar experience- my best friend could not come to my wedding and I was very upset with her, so upset that I wasn't sure if I could be that close with her again. The best thing she did was that she allowed me to be upset with her even though there was nothing she could reasonably do about her situation to be at my wedding. She just told me the truth, that she wanted to be there but she could not and that she hopes I can forgive her, and she gave me as much time and space as I needed and as many answers as I needed to get past it. It took me a while to fully forgive her and come to terms with the fact that it would not have been realistic for her to be there for me, but I got there.

I think you being at this party was almost as important to Fernanda (as it was for my friend to be at my wedding)- something you may not be able to fully understand since you were born a citizen of the U.S. All I am saying is that even if there was nothing you reasonably could have done to make it to her celebration, show her that you care by allowing her to feel upset with you about it (and don't take it too personally) and letting her express why she is upset. She will get past it, but for you to remain close friends with her she has to know that you cared enough in the first place to take some of the blame in this situation- you couldn't be there, which was not ideal for you but did not directly harm you/hurt your feelings, but it did hurt her feelings, so taking responsibility for that (even though it wasn't intentional) shows that you took the situation seriously. Looking from her side of it, your defensiveness about what you are going through may sound selfish and like you don't care enough about her and what she is accomplishing- so let down your defenses and just tell her that you understand why she is upset and that you wish you could have been there for her.

I hope you read this and that you don't take it as an insult- I don't harbor resentment toward my friend, so I am not insulting you or blaming you, I just think it's a difficult situation to deal with and I hope sharing my experience may help you some.

Macaire B
Macaire B

Hi Tamra, I know you hear this a lot but you are most definitely the reason I watch the show. Well that and I laugh my rear off at how shallow and vain Alexis and Gretchen come off. Is it possible for them to leave their hair alone? I don't think so.

I have had many times in my life where my humor and my mouth got me in hot water, but you know what? I would much prefer to be around you who is fun and upbeat and want to live it up a little while you can. You're a hoot!

I'm not going to comment about your friendship and the incident with Fernanda. I'm sure it was edited for full dramatic effect. Just know that if someone is truly your friend, you both can get over any obstacle.

ChristieRose
ChristieRose

I love you Tamra, and Iam so glad you are getting your life on track, I am so happy for you.

melanie r buckley
melanie r buckley

i do not agree that tamera ia sending mixed messages! fernanda knows tamera is straight...sometimes when girls get together it can get a little flirty, all in good fun.

natalia412
natalia412

You still are the hottest housewife! Get it, Girl!

llany
llany

i thought tamra was always funny and witty, are u kidding me? and if i can recall, alot of people thought that Bethenny came off mean at one point.

Laura L
Laura L

Wow! You are so different from last season. I think you are so much happier than you were before. Your funny and very intellectual I think that shows more than previous episodes. I definently have a better opinion of you now.