The First 'Wives Club's Assistant Editor distills all the 'Wife wisdom from Episode 5.

Apr 4, 2011

America is the land of the free, home of the brave. Orange County is the land of the big boobs, blonde hair, and Botox, and the home of some of our favorite Housewives. And this week we saw the 'Wives truly embrace their patriotism. They exercised their freedom of speech by fighting H8, upheld their right to bear arms (or pepper spray), and gave thanks for their bounty (and Botox). So let's cut ourselves a big slice of apple pie, and dive right in to our Orange County lessons from this week.


Peggy had quite a bit to teach us about beauty. First off, holistic healing does not preclude plastic surgery. At least not in Orange County. Peggy makes no bones about loving her fake boobs and refuses to be judged for having them. As she so astutely pointed out, "There's a lot of fake boobs here. If you don't like them, don't get them. But don't give me s--- because I have them." So ladies, get your boobs done (or not), just don't give Peggy a hard time. You never know when she might have that bedazzled Beretta in her bag... 

We also learned that before bringing your babies to a modeling agency, you might want to be sure that they're ready to strut their stuff. Capri and London looked adorable, but they weren't exactly cooperative for the camera. You know it's bad when your child doesn't even respond to promises of ice cream! Hopefully they'll nail it next time. 

P.S. I have to admit I laughed aloud when Andy played that Gia clip last night. No one rocks a runway like that little Jersey minx!