"Slade is not getting compensated with a salary. He's getting compensated for his work in the bedroom." -Gretchen

"I think it takes strong survival skills to be a housewife in Orange County." -Peggy

"We're going to work during the day and at night we're going to hit it hard." -Vicki

"What does she need an assistant for? To hold Slade's balls?" -Tamra

"Leave it to Alexis who lives on like Jesus lane to be tying up Jim up on a chair." -Gretchen

"I work hard for my diamonds, I deserved that ring." -Alexis

"I am so naked." -Tamra

"Do I need vaginal rejuvenation?" -Tamra

"In Cabo do as the Cabonians do. Do body shots!" -Tamra

"Boobs are great no matter what. It's like pizza, there's no bad pizza." -Micah

"It just makes no sense to me that two people who love each other can't get married. Does it matter if they have a penis and a penis, or a vagina and a penis, or a vagina and a vagina and a penis...I mean who cares?" -Tamra

"Bring Vicki, but tell her to leave the gun at home." -Alexis

"After my party there is no way I'm going to be around Gretchen without some moral support. So I brought Vicki. And mace." -Tamra

"Next time I'll bring a dildo." -Tamra

"I don't know if Alexis is teaching James to be a great man, maybe his dad is?" -Peggy

"You can take the girl out of Orange County, but you cannot take the shopping whore out of me" -Tamra

"Did he just say blow jobs every night?" -Gretchen

"It was like the triple B's. Big boobs, big bling -- I was blinded. -Gretchen

"She's so far up Gretchen's ass that they're starting to metamorphose into each other." -Tamra

"What do I need to do, set myself on fire to meet the fireman?" -Vicki

"Jeana looks great, she just has a nasty soul." -Tamra

"I've had four kids, if I do jumping jacks I pee." -Tamra

"Getting Vicki's approval on anything is definitely like dealing with Joan Crawford. Keep the wire hangers away from her." -Tamra

"Don't show beef." -Tamra

"Holy flipping vaginas." -Vicki

"Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere else." -Tamra

"I'm a better education than going off to school." -Alexis

"It's my photo shoot, it has my name all over it. But I have to listen to him, he's my husband." -Alexis

"I don't care if you're scrubbing a toilet, you can still bling it up." -Alexis

"Whoever isn't producing is going to get a spanking." -Vicki

"We've got the strict Christian girl with the lesbian girl. What happens in Texas, stays in Texas." -Peggy

"Stick a huge piece of meat and go for a ride? No thanks. Oh wait, that does sound like fun!" -Gretchen

"I know it's a delicatessen in French." -Alexis

"Everybody's got a little pocket gay, it's like a little accessory. It's like a chihuahua now." -Tamra

"Don't get all worried for nothing, you'll get more wrinkles." -Lynne