Hi everyone!!! First of all Happy Love day! I am so sorry I missed blogging last week but I have been in New York since the 5th (still here btw) running around like a crazy lady working my butt off! So this blog will be a combo blog (AKA-supersized) Let me first start off by saying I am so excited and honored to be a part of a show that has such an amazing fan base! Can you believe we are in our seventh season? I believe that is solely due to amazing fans who continue to watch and find our crazy lives entertaining! I want to sincerely thank all of you for your support and love of the original franchise through all these seasons! With that said, I think this is going to be a great season! So many changes happen this season that I don't think you guys will be expecting.
Now let's talk about last week's episode and the question everyone keeps asking me about: Tamra and my new found relationship. . .Well we certainly weren't expecting it either! However I will explain the two things that happened to me that changed my thinking towards her.
First as I watched myself last season on the show I saw a woman that wasn't me. I saw a woman that was angry, resentful, and had become negative in some ways. I have always been an upbeat positive person and I realized that I no longer wanted to allow anyone to rob me of my own joy. No matter how bad the pain, no matter how harsh the accusations, I just realized I had to let it go in order for my own spirit to repair itself.
Secondly, literally an Act of God helped change my way of thinking. Now I am far from a bible beater however I am a Christian. I believe in what the Bible promises us, and I believe in what my Pastor Rick Warren delivers to us in his messages. I was attending church after the reunion show one weekend and the sermon was about forgiveness. He said "When we do not allow ourselves to forgive we only hurt ourselves." This resonated with me deeply. I said quietly in my chair to the big guy upstairs, "But God I don't want to have to forgive and I just want to stay mad." However I was so sick of feeling the way I had been feeling for months regarding this show. So then I asked, "How could I even begin to forgive when I have so much anger, hurt, and frustration towards someone?" That's when the healing began. I started receiving my daily devotionals from SaddleBack.com talking about this exact subject. It was as if God was sending me an email everyday letting me know how to work through the pain and hurt. It was a great lesson to learn because in that process it allowed the walls to break down. It also allowed me to see what I did wrong and to ask for forgiveness as well. Now we all have our own ways of healing and I am not claiming this is the best method for everyone. I am simply sharing what transpired in my own life in order to come to a place of peace with Tamra. I have received many tweets and messages (as I am sure Tamra has received as well) from people who are concerned, confused, and almost angry at me for being friends with her. Although this makes me appreciate you all even more knowing how much you truly do care about me, please rest assured that at this point it was a great decision and I am so grateful that Tamra and I could forgive one another and get to know one another all over again without any outside influences affecting us. Thus the reason you see me tell Slade that I am doing this for me and not to hurt him in any way. That doesn't mean Tamra and I don't hit some bumps along the road or question if we can really learn to trust one another again. However I value the new friendship we have found. Seriously it does sound like we are dating. . .doesn't it? LOL