Cast Blog: #RHOC

Happy Trees with Timree

Episode 3:'s Associate Editor ponders painting parties, jokes, and sex toys.

Hello O.C. adorers. Do you channel your stresses into the arts? Have you ever solved a long-simmering feud by taking a brush to canvas? By sending your former frenemy a sketch of a turtle perhaps? This week the O.C. 'Wives attempted to just do that, to not exactly glowing reviews. Let's do our best to sort out Heather's painting party and the rest of this week's drama.

Breast Friends 4Eva, Part 2
We begin this week on the stormy shuttle to Catalina, pondering why friends don't let friends touch each other's bosoms.

I want to give a special recap award to the waiter for our foursome's first meal in Catalina. God bless the server of our quad of awkward lovers. You know the waitstaff at the restaurant Paper, Rock, Scissors-ed for who would have to check in on the table that featured Tamra openly weeping about Brooks/Boobgate.

It made me really upset to see Eddie upset. He's so genuinely wonderful and these two kids obviously adore each other. Seeing Tamra sob out how much she loved everyone just broke my tiny heart. Everyone loves everyone, and no one will ever touch again. Thankfully Tamra blames it on the alcohol and the group moves forward. Now the group can address the hard hitting topics -- like if Brooks is a boobs or an ass man ("What are you!?!"). At least we know what Eddie is. He's a hot dog stand (?) and no one else is touching his buns!

On the Side Is a Big Thing for You
We learn a lot about Heather this episode. Heather hates when people hand menus to her open (don't rush her pre-meal chats), and she orders a lot like Meg Ryan does in When Harry Met Sally. She wants things how she wants them. Somehow we can feel that this isn't just a food thing. . . Anyway, she wants to repay Vicki's kindness with a painting party. I assumed this would be like that time Jill had people paint her apartment (maybe Heather's elevator needed a fresh coat), but no, this is one of those parties where everyone paints the same thing on a canvas (no nudity!). It's a shame this wasn't free association, as Terry suggested. I feel that really would have been a diverse group of masterpieces.

Wild N' Out with Slade Smiley
I’m not going to recap the scene of Gretchen and Slade discussing his comedy career, I'm just going to show you this picture of Gretchen wearing my new favorite outfit ever in the world. How can you not love this Barbie woman?


OK, I will say one other thing, I love her dogs so much. Let them be part of the standup show, too. It's a family act, just like The Aristocrats. OK, wait, maybe not like that at all.

Less of a Job
Gretchen and Tamra decide to take their relationship to the next level with a regular girlfriend event -- shopping for sex toys. This is just another reason why their friendship feels so fated. They both need someone to shop for the essentials with, essentials like wrinkle-saving contraptions designed to make certain jobs easier. 

A Blank Canvas
Learning from Vicki's dinner party, Heather's party opens with a lighter, bag-less menu. Learning from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and The Real Housewives of New York City, it also begins with a possible pregnancy scare. Thankfully, Heather, the gracious hostess, offers to take the child if he or she comes to fruition and add it to her brood. What's one more at that point. (Tamra, it seems, was just a little warm, not with child.)

On their way to the shindig Gretchen tells Alexis that she and Tamra are now sex shops and yogurt going friends (well not yogurt yet, it's early). Alexis seems a little hesitant, which makes means she and Vicki suddenly have something in common. . .

As most painting parties are want to do, the conversation immediately turns to sex toys. Alexis' toy of choice is apparently a cake (or well, an apron and a cake). Heather's is a look of superiority and a polite, "No thanks." Thusly, Mrs. Dubrow shuts down the Kandi-Koated chatter rather quickly and tries to move things back to the land of happy Bob Ross trees.

And how can you not be in the land of happy trees with Timree? First she’s wearing a delightfully Nicole Riche-esque headband. Second her name sounds like a delightful wind chime. Vicki is calling bulls--t on the birth certificate, and while I do believe that Timree is indeed her given name, I would like to see the that documentation. I just imagine it is adorned with drawings of fairies and wood nymphs.

But all the adorable names and bright colors aren't enough to cover the tension between the gals. Vicki and Alexis start openly friend flirting in front of Tamra and Gretchen. Alexis is not impressed by Heather's big band past. People are taking friendship portraits together. And then Mr. Dubrow arrives, leading to even more awkwardness when he starts his standup routine (maybe he and Slade can do a two-man show). And then Tamra gets the brush-off (art joke!) from Vicki! Snap!

Post party, things get even colder than Mona Lisa's smile (art joke?), when Gretchen and Slade discuss Brooks' own legal troubles. Slade gets especially "fence-tearing" as he thinks Vicki's being a bit of a hypocrite. I feel he might have a few choice knock-knock jokes for her the next time they see each other.

What did you guys think? What would you have painted for each of the O.C. ladies? I would have watercolored a cake for Heather and Alexis that said, "Learn to Love." Leave your favorite Housewife-related art puns in the comments!

You May Also Like...

Recommended by Zergnet

Shannon Settles the Score

If Andy's asking "What's the score, Shannon Beador?" Shannon thinks she's definitely won.

This is Blog #20, my last Blog for the season! The past year was been a wild ride for both me and for my family. I have come to many realizations about myself, made lifelong friends, experienced some tough moments, and embarked on a path to a more peaceful self. So to use Andy’s phrase, “What's the score, Shannon Beador?” I would say without a doubt that I have definitely won.

I am happy that the viewers got a little glimpse into my sometimes unconventional ways! For me, it's all about good energy. I love that Vicki’s business has clearly benefited from trying feng shui with Elaine Wright. If you can't get hurt, there is no reason to try anything holistic. If you actually benefit, why wouldn't anyone want to go the natural way? If my children tend to feel better after seeing Dr. Moon and not have to take antibiotics, then I am a happy mom. It's all about creating a healthy balance!

I am an open book and am often criticized for it, but I am who I am. I don't know many couples married for 13 years that have a perfect relationship. Everyone has ups and downs, and although it may be difficult and require effort, it is possible to move through it and make things better. I have said it many times in the season that divorce is not an option. I will always fight for my marriage and my family. It truly touches my heart that so many fans have been and continue to root for David and I. I am so appreciative and grateful for all of your positive comments! Thank you!

Do Tamra and Heather truly want to move forward and potentially develop a friendship with me? Only time will tell. But for now, I have amazing friends surrounding me, including Vicki Gunvalson and Lizzie Rovsek. And most importantly, I have been blessed with the most incredible family anyone could ask for. That is where all of my energy is focused.

I will never forget this entire year, both the good and the bad, because each moment took me on the journey to where I am today. And today, I am in a phenomenal and happy place. Thank you for taking this journey with me!

Please follow me on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook! XOXOXO

Read more about:

You May Also Like...

Recommended by Zergnet