Cast Blog: #RHOC

Happy Trees with Timree

Episode 3:'s Associate Editor ponders painting parties, jokes, and sex toys.

Hello O.C. adorers. Do you channel your stresses into the arts? Have you ever solved a long-simmering feud by taking a brush to canvas? By sending your former frenemy a sketch of a turtle perhaps? This week the O.C. 'Wives attempted to just do that, to not exactly glowing reviews. Let's do our best to sort out Heather's painting party and the rest of this week's drama.

Breast Friends 4Eva, Part 2
We begin this week on the stormy shuttle to Catalina, pondering why friends don't let friends touch each other's bosoms.

I want to give a special recap award to the waiter for our foursome's first meal in Catalina. God bless the server of our quad of awkward lovers. You know the waitstaff at the restaurant Paper, Rock, Scissors-ed for who would have to check in on the table that featured Tamra openly weeping about Brooks/Boobgate.

It made me really upset to see Eddie upset. He's so genuinely wonderful and these two kids obviously adore each other. Seeing Tamra sob out how much she loved everyone just broke my tiny heart. Everyone loves everyone, and no one will ever touch again. Thankfully Tamra blames it on the alcohol and the group moves forward. Now the group can address the hard hitting topics -- like if Brooks is a boobs or an ass man ("What are you!?!"). At least we know what Eddie is. He's a hot dog stand (?) and no one else is touching his buns!

On the Side Is a Big Thing for You
We learn a lot about Heather this episode. Heather hates when people hand menus to her open (don't rush her pre-meal chats), and she orders a lot like Meg Ryan does in When Harry Met Sally. She wants things how she wants them. Somehow we can feel that this isn't just a food thing. . . Anyway, she wants to repay Vicki's kindness with a painting party. I assumed this would be like that time Jill had people paint her apartment (maybe Heather's elevator needed a fresh coat), but no, this is one of those parties where everyone paints the same thing on a canvas (no nudity!). It's a shame this wasn't free association, as Terry suggested. I feel that really would have been a diverse group of masterpieces.

Wild N' Out with Slade Smiley
I’m not going to recap the scene of Gretchen and Slade discussing his comedy career, I'm just going to show you this picture of Gretchen wearing my new favorite outfit ever in the world. How can you not love this Barbie woman?


OK, I will say one other thing, I love her dogs so much. Let them be part of the standup show, too. It's a family act, just like The Aristocrats. OK, wait, maybe not like that at all.

Less of a Job
Gretchen and Tamra decide to take their relationship to the next level with a regular girlfriend event -- shopping for sex toys. This is just another reason why their friendship feels so fated. They both need someone to shop for the essentials with, essentials like wrinkle-saving contraptions designed to make certain jobs easier. 

A Blank Canvas
Learning from Vicki's dinner party, Heather's party opens with a lighter, bag-less menu. Learning from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and The Real Housewives of New York City, it also begins with a possible pregnancy scare. Thankfully, Heather, the gracious hostess, offers to take the child if he or she comes to fruition and add it to her brood. What's one more at that point. (Tamra, it seems, was just a little warm, not with child.)

On their way to the shindig Gretchen tells Alexis that she and Tamra are now sex shops and yogurt going friends (well not yogurt yet, it's early). Alexis seems a little hesitant, which makes means she and Vicki suddenly have something in common. . .

As most painting parties are want to do, the conversation immediately turns to sex toys. Alexis' toy of choice is apparently a cake (or well, an apron and a cake). Heather's is a look of superiority and a polite, "No thanks." Thusly, Mrs. Dubrow shuts down the Kandi-Koated chatter rather quickly and tries to move things back to the land of happy Bob Ross trees.

And how can you not be in the land of happy trees with Timree? First she’s wearing a delightfully Nicole Riche-esque headband. Second her name sounds like a delightful wind chime. Vicki is calling bulls--t on the birth certificate, and while I do believe that Timree is indeed her given name, I would like to see the that documentation. I just imagine it is adorned with drawings of fairies and wood nymphs.

But all the adorable names and bright colors aren't enough to cover the tension between the gals. Vicki and Alexis start openly friend flirting in front of Tamra and Gretchen. Alexis is not impressed by Heather's big band past. People are taking friendship portraits together. And then Mr. Dubrow arrives, leading to even more awkwardness when he starts his standup routine (maybe he and Slade can do a two-man show). And then Tamra gets the brush-off (art joke!) from Vicki! Snap!

Post party, things get even colder than Mona Lisa's smile (art joke?), when Gretchen and Slade discuss Brooks' own legal troubles. Slade gets especially "fence-tearing" as he thinks Vicki's being a bit of a hypocrite. I feel he might have a few choice knock-knock jokes for her the next time they see each other.

What did you guys think? What would you have painted for each of the O.C. ladies? I would have watercolored a cake for Heather and Alexis that said, "Learn to Love." Leave your favorite Housewife-related art puns in the comments!

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Lizzie: Tamra Doesn't Fight Fair

Lizzie thinks Tamra's comments about her children were meant to deflect from her own problems.

Happy Labor Day!!! I am going to make this blog short and sweet. It’s a holiday and I am going to be spending the day with family in Newport wearing a Sun Kitten and a smile. I hope you all are having a great holiday weekend.

To be honest, the second half of the Reunion was hard to watch. I think it got too ugly. I am not going to insult any of your intelligence in explaining this episode. We all know that misery loves company, and "projection" is as easy to spot as a $2 dollar bill. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that everything miserable that comes out of Tamra's mouth is a direct reflection of what is going on in her life. In my opinion, children are off limits. It's quite apparent that Tamra does not fight fair and when all else fails she will throw your kids, marriage, and even your body under the bus in an attempt to hurt you. We filmed the reunion for over 10 hours and after listening to so much ugliness my heart just couldn't take it anymore.

I do not regret telling Shannon all the things that Tamra said about her. Everything I shared with Shannon was something that happened and was said on camera. I didn't take anything and create unnecessary drama. I would do it again in a heartbeat and I would think my friends would do the same for me. I simply did not know the truth about Tamra. Danielle told me all the things Tamra said about me. That is why after my birthday I was so hurt by her. It's hard for viewers to understand because these things weren't in the show. She could have called me and said she wasn't coming. I called her after sitting on the bus for over an hour. The next day she made fun of me to Danielle, in addition to asking plenty of questions looking for negative details regarding my party.

On that one-year free membership to Cut Fitness: Let's delve into this shall we? I was the one that contacted Tamra days after my party. She did not contact me to give me present. I had invited Tamra, Eddie, Danielle, Joe, Heather, and Terry to the Kentucky Derby and Tamra was the only person that had not sent in the RSVP. It was past the deadline and it was getting borderline rude at this point. Tamra, in fact, was making fun of the Kentucky Derby and the charity event that would be hosting us to Danielle. So, I reached out to Tamra regarding the Kentucky Derby and she texted me back saying, "I want to give you a free membership to CUT for your birthday." Tamra knows I am already a member to a sports club and that was the last I heard of this "free membership." I never received any kind of certificate or card for membership. I suppose she thought I would have the gall to show up and say, "I got a text message from Tamra for a free membership!" It's almost laughable. Needless to say, I don't go to her gym and she didn't attend the Kentucky Derby with me.

There is nothing else to say regarding the Shag, Marry, Kill game that I haven't already discussed in great length in any of my previous blogs. I said the word "marry" and that's that. Tamra even glared at me on the way out of the Valentine's Party and repeated it. "Marry you?" Tamra has said multiple times she couldn't even remember because she drank too much and there are even text messages where she says it too. Her story changes continually, like the words that come out both sides of her mouth.

During the Reunion, Tamra said many more hurtful things that you didn't see. She went on to talk about my son Preston and my marriage. We all remember the episode in the park where Preston hit me on the head with his elephant. He was asleep in the car and he had a mini temper tantrum. He was three -- it happens. I would assume most mothers have had it happen at some point. In addition, my husband and I got in a fight on my birthday. I feel awful about it, yet it made us closer. I just wanted what every woman wants -- to feel special because of her man. I am a big time believer in learning from your mistakes and that won't ever happen again. However none of those incidents had anything to do with Tamra. But on her quest to hurt everyone, she managed to drag in some irrelevant topics. I know it's all to deflect from what's going on in her life and to make someone else look bad. . .but it does hurt nonetheless. My babies and my marriage are my life so I guess her goal was to attack the things closest to my heart because she can't fight fair.

I hope you enjoyed this season and I hope you had a fabulous summer!!! The fall is my absolute favorite time of year, so I say bring on football and cooler weather.

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