Cast Blog: #RHOC

Happy Trees with Timree

Episode 3: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor ponders painting parties, jokes, and sex toys.

Hello O.C. adorers. Do you channel your stresses into the arts? Have you ever solved a long-simmering feud by taking a brush to canvas? By sending your former frenemy a sketch of a turtle perhaps? This week the O.C. 'Wives attempted to just do that, to not exactly glowing reviews. Let's do our best to sort out Heather's painting party and the rest of this week's drama.

Breast Friends 4Eva, Part 2
We begin this week on the stormy shuttle to Catalina, pondering why friends don't let friends touch each other's bosoms.

I want to give a special recap award to the waiter for our foursome's first meal in Catalina. God bless the server of our quad of awkward lovers. You know the waitstaff at the restaurant Paper, Rock, Scissors-ed for who would have to check in on the table that featured Tamra openly weeping about Brooks/Boobgate.

It made me really upset to see Eddie upset. He's so genuinely wonderful and these two kids obviously adore each other. Seeing Tamra sob out how much she loved everyone just broke my tiny heart. Everyone loves everyone, and no one will ever touch again. Thankfully Tamra blames it on the alcohol and the group moves forward. Now the group can address the hard hitting topics -- like if Brooks is a boobs or an ass man ("What are you!?!"). At least we know what Eddie is. He's a hot dog stand (?) and no one else is touching his buns!

On the Side Is a Big Thing for You
We learn a lot about Heather this episode. Heather hates when people hand menus to her open (don't rush her pre-meal chats), and she orders a lot like Meg Ryan does in When Harry Met Sally. She wants things how she wants them. Somehow we can feel that this isn't just a food thing. . . Anyway, she wants to repay Vicki's kindness with a painting party. I assumed this would be like that time Jill had people paint her apartment (maybe Heather's elevator needed a fresh coat), but no, this is one of those parties where everyone paints the same thing on a canvas (no nudity!). It's a shame this wasn't free association, as Terry suggested. I feel that really would have been a diverse group of masterpieces.

Wild N' Out with Slade Smiley
I’m not going to recap the scene of Gretchen and Slade discussing his comedy career, I'm just going to show you this picture of Gretchen wearing my new favorite outfit ever in the world. How can you not love this Barbie woman?

real-housewives-of-orange-county-season-

OK, I will say one other thing, I love her dogs so much. Let them be part of the standup show, too. It's a family act, just like The Aristocrats. OK, wait, maybe not like that at all.

Less of a Job
Gretchen and Tamra decide to take their relationship to the next level with a regular girlfriend event -- shopping for sex toys. This is just another reason why their friendship feels so fated. They both need someone to shop for the essentials with, essentials like wrinkle-saving contraptions designed to make certain jobs easier. 


A Blank Canvas
Learning from Vicki's dinner party, Heather's party opens with a lighter, bag-less menu. Learning from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and The Real Housewives of New York City, it also begins with a possible pregnancy scare. Thankfully, Heather, the gracious hostess, offers to take the child if he or she comes to fruition and add it to her brood. What's one more at that point. (Tamra, it seems, was just a little warm, not with child.)

On their way to the shindig Gretchen tells Alexis that she and Tamra are now sex shops and yogurt going friends (well not yogurt yet, it's early). Alexis seems a little hesitant, which makes means she and Vicki suddenly have something in common. . .

As most painting parties are want to do, the conversation immediately turns to sex toys. Alexis' toy of choice is apparently a cake (or well, an apron and a cake). Heather's is a look of superiority and a polite, "No thanks." Thusly, Mrs. Dubrow shuts down the Kandi-Koated chatter rather quickly and tries to move things back to the land of happy Bob Ross trees.

And how can you not be in the land of happy trees with Timree? First she’s wearing a delightfully Nicole Riche-esque headband. Second her name sounds like a delightful wind chime. Vicki is calling bulls--t on the birth certificate, and while I do believe that Timree is indeed her given name, I would like to see the that documentation. I just imagine it is adorned with drawings of fairies and wood nymphs.

But all the adorable names and bright colors aren't enough to cover the tension between the gals. Vicki and Alexis start openly friend flirting in front of Tamra and Gretchen. Alexis is not impressed by Heather's big band past. People are taking friendship portraits together. And then Mr. Dubrow arrives, leading to even more awkwardness when he starts his standup routine (maybe he and Slade can do a two-man show). And then Tamra gets the brush-off (art joke!) from Vicki! Snap!

Post party, things get even colder than Mona Lisa's smile (art joke?), when Gretchen and Slade discuss Brooks' own legal troubles. Slade gets especially "fence-tearing" as he thinks Vicki's being a bit of a hypocrite. I feel he might have a few choice knock-knock jokes for her the next time they see each other.

What did you guys think? What would you have painted for each of the O.C. ladies? I would have watercolored a cake for Heather and Alexis that said, "Learn to Love." Leave your favorite Housewife-related art puns in the comments!

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Heather: Why Hate?

Heather wonders why you'd live in a place of resentment and tries to move on with the ladies.

We have put ourselves on a show where our every move is scrutinized. We are not perfect people. No one is perfect. We all do and say things we regret. Most of us do not do it in front of an international audience. You are all entitled to your opinions. It's what makes the show interesting, fun, and a "watercooler" conversation piece.

Regardless what you think about us, the show and/or what you believe truly happened this season -- I feel blessed and grateful.

My "reality" is an incredible husband who loves me and respects me, four healthy, amazing kids, a career that's been revived largely in part to the exposure of being on RHOC, and a group of friends that accepts my weaknesses and celebrates my strengths.

Truly, there is nothing more I could ever ask for. It's very easy to judge and hate -- but why? Does it make you feel better about your own life? Have you never done or said anything you regret? Can you imagine if it were captured for the world to see? I hope to keep growing and learning from my mistakes and my experiences. I hope you all do too. I hope you are all not judged too harshly and are forgiven when you are ready to make amends. Living in a space of hate and resentment is a bad place to exist. It's much better to love, forgive, and move on. I feel that's where I've come with all of the ladies at this point. Now we will see what the future holds. Thank you again for your support of our family and the show. . .

Until we meet again. . .

XX,
Heather

Remember to follow me on Instagram and Twitter (@heatherdubrow) for all of the latest on the Dubrow family!

The first six episodes of #SEQUESTERED are available for download at Crackle.com and the next six will be out in October! Thanks again for your continuing support!

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