Cast Blog: #RHOC

Some Serious Jerry Springer S--t

Episode 1:'s Associate Editor ponders bottoms shaped like fruit, friendships, and crawfish.

Well welcome back Orange County fans! As we enter in our magical seventh season everything is different! Gretchen and Tamra are having lunch! Vicki is dating a Southerner. We have a brunette! Let's make sense of all these changes, shall we?

After the bananas-town reunion last season, I was a little dubious to see how this would turn out. Hopefully, Gretchen chose a restaurant with tables bolted down, thin paper menus, and drinks with tops. Slade is also dubious, but he recommends a nice restaurant with furniture too heavy for Tamra to lift and she's on her way.

Once they arrive, the "dogs start sniffing each other's butts" (as Tamra so eloquently analogized), mojitos are served, and gals got to talking. Honestly, I'm overjoyed with how breezily this went. Both these ladies are a barrel of fun times, so it makes more sense that they are friends. They're putting that water under the bridge (even if its an ocean's worth). Then Tamra makes Gretchen a friendship bracelet that is either the key to the future or the lock to the security deposit of their past, tough to say. That's the thing about friendship bracelets based on metaphors, they are open to interpretation.

Big Fun
Well she's finally here. The latest lady to join our California dreamers -- Heather Dubrow. She seems like she has it all (at least according to Tamra) "She’s very tall, she’s very thin, she's very pretty and she's probably a b---h." She's ready to drop $4.9 million on a lot. She loves to text. And she's not afraid of the getting a little wine on her. We'll see how this goes, but if I had to make a Magic 8 Ball assessment of this I'd say "Outlook Good."

I personally loved Tamra explaining the intricacies of the other ladies to Heather. There was something so foreboding about her mentioning to steer clear of parities with red wine. 


The Banana Boat
It's nearly impossible for me to pick my favorite moments from Alexis' foray into live television. First, I adore that Alexis thought she could will a sleeping Jim into answering the phone by air kissing it. It's delightful that Alexis' alarm clock indiscretion resulted in a hooky day for the kids, so good for them. No school lunches or whisper games! Just a day of fun!

But then we get to the real fun -- Dr. Booty. Is he officially a doctor? Who knows, but he is at least qualified to teach you how to qualify your badonk as a fruit. Are you a cherry bottom, pear, banana, apple, lemon? My first question was does a banana bottom peel? My second question was is it possible that my butt is a star fruit? 

As Alexis "fired" during her banana exercise and discussed her career as budding "Katie Keurig," I smiled knowing that we'll have a season's worth of these exploits. Here's to hoping National Booty Awareness Month comes 12 times a year. 

The Ragin' Cajun
Meanwhile, in Vicki-land, after teaching Michael that an unmade duvet is one of the main reason people don't buy houses (true) and explaining that Donn is still living in the house but they haven't seen each other in two months (WHAT?!?). I guess she's been busy with her new Mississippi man, Brooks. Vicki seems very zen (perhaps it's the marathon sex sessions Tamra couldn't get her to confirm). 

So what better way to celebrate her new Southern beau than with a party. Just a simple affair with oysters, crawfish, and tension over the affections of Jim Bellino. . .

And when the ladies (all of them, including Gretchen's brunette bestie Sarah Winchester) arrive, things aren't exactly as jubilant as a good old fashioned crawfish boil (trust me, I know) particularly with Alexis and Peggy. 

Next week, the tensions at the shindig come to a head -- a crawfish head. Hopefully Vicki speaks in a Cajun accent and smooths things over. Then things even more dramatic when Vicki and Tamra head on vacation with their gents. What was your favorite part of the premiere? Leave your

Lizzie: Tamra Doesn't Fight Fair

Lizzie thinks Tamra's comments about her children were meant to deflect from her own problems.

Happy Labor Day!!! I am going to make this blog short and sweet. It’s a holiday and I am going to be spending the day with family in Newport wearing a Sun Kitten and a smile. I hope you all are having a great holiday weekend.

To be honest, the second half of the Reunion was hard to watch. I think it got too ugly. I am not going to insult any of your intelligence in explaining this episode. We all know that misery loves company, and "projection" is as easy to spot as a $2 dollar bill. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that everything miserable that comes out of Tamra's mouth is a direct reflection of what is going on in her life. In my opinion, children are off limits. It's quite apparent that Tamra does not fight fair and when all else fails she will throw your kids, marriage, and even your body under the bus in an attempt to hurt you. We filmed the reunion for over 10 hours and after listening to so much ugliness my heart just couldn't take it anymore.

I do not regret telling Shannon all the things that Tamra said about her. Everything I shared with Shannon was something that happened and was said on camera. I didn't take anything and create unnecessary drama. I would do it again in a heartbeat and I would think my friends would do the same for me. I simply did not know the truth about Tamra. Danielle told me all the things Tamra said about me. That is why after my birthday I was so hurt by her. It's hard for viewers to understand because these things weren't in the show. She could have called me and said she wasn't coming. I called her after sitting on the bus for over an hour. The next day she made fun of me to Danielle, in addition to asking plenty of questions looking for negative details regarding my party.

On that one-year free membership to Cut Fitness: Let's delve into this shall we? I was the one that contacted Tamra days after my party. She did not contact me to give me present. I had invited Tamra, Eddie, Danielle, Joe, Heather, and Terry to the Kentucky Derby and Tamra was the only person that had not sent in the RSVP. It was past the deadline and it was getting borderline rude at this point. Tamra, in fact, was making fun of the Kentucky Derby and the charity event that would be hosting us to Danielle. So, I reached out to Tamra regarding the Kentucky Derby and she texted me back saying, "I want to give you a free membership to CUT for your birthday." Tamra knows I am already a member to a sports club and that was the last I heard of this "free membership." I never received any kind of certificate or card for membership. I suppose she thought I would have the gall to show up and say, "I got a text message from Tamra for a free membership!" It's almost laughable. Needless to say, I don't go to her gym and she didn't attend the Kentucky Derby with me.

There is nothing else to say regarding the Shag, Marry, Kill game that I haven't already discussed in great length in any of my previous blogs. I said the word "marry" and that's that. Tamra even glared at me on the way out of the Valentine's Party and repeated it. "Marry you?" Tamra has said multiple times she couldn't even remember because she drank too much and there are even text messages where she says it too. Her story changes continually, like the words that come out both sides of her mouth.

During the Reunion, Tamra said many more hurtful things that you didn't see. She went on to talk about my son Preston and my marriage. We all remember the episode in the park where Preston hit me on the head with his elephant. He was asleep in the car and he had a mini temper tantrum. He was three -- it happens. I would assume most mothers have had it happen at some point. In addition, my husband and I got in a fight on my birthday. I feel awful about it, yet it made us closer. I just wanted what every woman wants -- to feel special because of her man. I am a big time believer in learning from your mistakes and that won't ever happen again. However none of those incidents had anything to do with Tamra. But on her quest to hurt everyone, she managed to drag in some irrelevant topics. I know it's all to deflect from what's going on in her life and to make someone else look bad. . .but it does hurt nonetheless. My babies and my marriage are my life so I guess her goal was to attack the things closest to my heart because she can't fight fair.

I hope you enjoyed this season and I hope you had a fabulous summer!!! The fall is my absolute favorite time of year, so I say bring on football and cooler weather.

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