In the land of Orange County, parties are never simple. Fetes are never drama-free or easy. It's never just a nice affair with cocktails and camaraderie. Instead people get wine thrown on them, or accosted for getting a nose job, or in this case, people can't wait to eat and that snacking begats World War Three. Let's make sense of the first half of Heather's name-changing shindig, shall we?
The Book of Love
We open first with Tamra, Heather, and Gretchen discussing the big engagement. The twist is that Vicki's not there. How would Vicki not want to be part of such a momentous occasion? This worries me. I don't like to see two of my favorite ladies fighting. Tamra and Vicki are the peas and carrots (or tequila and lime) of the O.C. How can they "Woo-Hoo" separately?!?
Anyway, it was incredibly adorable the way Tamra told Gretchen -- with the book and then slowly getting around to the engagement photo. Between her and Eddie there's such a flair for pageantry. No wonder they love each other. They finally have someone to tell things to using only complicated props and charming charades. There's no reason to do anything if you can't do it with elaborate spectacle.
Next we see Alexis donning a fur vest for a drink with Sarah Winchester. Alexis vents about the Costa Rica situation and wonders why she should listen to the other ladies at all. She's polled her friends and they think she's not phony whatsoever. But all those accusations aside, she's most upset that Gretchen didn't jump in to help her the night of the intervention, and she's waiting for her to apologize. . .
Anyway, Alexis is less than amped to see the women at Heather's name changing party, and thusly she decides to bring Sarah as her plus one. Considering how well Sarah got along with everyone at the bowling alley, this should go swimmingly, right?
Before we discuss the drama of the party, let's focus on the splendor of a Dubrow affair. They are literally giving out diamonds (OK one diamond and many CZs, but still). Plus that view. Geesh! And for a party like that, what else can you wear but a fur? Which is why Brooks bought Vicki one. Vicki believes this should shut down the Brooks haters -- though I imagine that the cross-section of Brooks haters and animal rights activist might still have something to say. Surely the fur won't squash her brewing beef with Tamra. Apparently Vicki told Tamra that she thought her relationship with Eddie was moving too fast and Tamra is a bit dubious of that assessment considering her relationship with Brooks. We'll see if the fur is enough to smooth things over -- perhaps it's warm, wooly goodness will create goodwill between the two.
Besides that ball of wax, there's also all the simmering Costa Rican tension. Alexis continues to ponder what the other ladies can say to her -- besides "I'm sorry." -- while Terry wonders if he'll be approached for a chat.
But as people start arriving, things seem calm. Despite Heather's negative feelings towards Sarah's outfit and Jim's lack of attendance, people are getting along relatively OK. Everyone's wearing fur and telling people if Brooks bought it. Monogrammed glasses are clinking. Sarah has all the balls from the kitchen she could eat.
And then Jeana arrives. Hopefully this will go better than the last time she saw her former 'Wives, but at least if not Kara is prepared.
The raincoat does get Tamra's attention, and she grabs Kara for a little chat. Tamra's supremely emotional and seems spurned by the way everything happened. And then it all works out! The two of them manage to come to some sort of consensus and there's hugging and crying and before you know it the ladies make peace -- ending one of the more salacious rivalries we've had in Orange County history. Hoorah! This name changing party seems perfect so far.
And then there’s this. . .it seems in a fit of hunger/low-blood sugar Sarah decided to just take a nibble off of Heather's cake. . .
This fight to me is one of the most sublime in Housewives history. It's over a cake people! Yet it quickly escalates into quotes like the following:
Tamra: And I'm the one from the trailer park?
Terry: That's sort of not cool.
Vicki: It's not a sugar problem you have, it's an alcohol problem. Stop drinking!
Heather: Is your sugar problem wrapped in a rudeness problem?
Alexis is aghast that it becomes such a brawl so quickly. She knows what Sarah did was wrong, but, perhaps seeing shades of Costa Rica, decides to try to defend her. And that doesn't go exactly fantastically either.
No amount of Oreos produced by Heather Dubrow could get the conversation back on track. We'll have to wait until next week to see if Sarah is ejected, or if someone just gives her insulin and the whole situation works out. We'll also be treated to even more drama next week -- including the fight you didn't see coming Vicki and Tamra.
Until then, leave your thoughts in the comment. Was it so bad that Sarah broke that piece off the cake? Who do you think won the champagne toast diamond? Did you think that Slade looked a little Sprockets like in his turtleneck? Tell me.