Cast Blog: #RHOC

That's So Heather

Episode 7:'s Associate Editor scrubs in to assess all the surgeries on this week's episode and ponders what really is "so Heather."

Don’t get it twisted O.C. fans. You were in fact watching an episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County – not an episode of ER. So if you could handle all that surgical drama, the site of mucus plugs coming out of Alexis' nose, and the thought of Tamra losing her large breasts, you can handle this recap.

The Doctor Will See All of You Now
We open with Tamra debating changing her life -- this time by having her breast implants removed. Tamra wants to get back to nature, and use her mind as her source of power -- not her faux breasts. Only in Orange County would implant removal be such a significant metaphor for change. Third boob set, third boyfriend, third time's a charm!

In a more advanced level of surgical endeavor, Alexis is finally going under for her sinus/nasal surgery. And I have to say, if anyone thought Alexis was just crying sinusitis, the site of the doctor pulling hunks of phlegm or boogers or whatever that was should have stopped that. I hope you weren't eating during that vignette, because frankly I almost stopped breathing out of disgust. Yuck!

Finally we swing over to Vicki, who is greeting Michael who has come to visit Briana. The surgery was tough and the doctors are not happy with what they've found. Briana has been suffering, and her lymph nodes were in bad shape. The doctor says he wouldn't be surprised if the tests do come back cancerous. Fingers crossed that's not the case. That's So Heather
In a less medical state is Heather, who is trying to balance all her kids and dinner and what not. Heather is trying to bring a bit of her NYC attitude to the O.C. by opening a restaurant (not one that'd she'd cook in it, of course). Heather does have some restaurant experience -- she was once a hostess -- and the restaurant could keep her sane.

When next we see Heather, she's balancing a baby and inviting people to lunch via helicopter. That is so Heather, Tamra. It's so Heather, that I want us to have a spin-off show, in which Heather just reenacts episodes of That's So Raven, but richer. You'd tune-in right?

What's New Pussycat
Meanwhile, Gretchen and Slade arrive in Vegas to meet with Pussycat Dolls founder, Robin Antin. Gretchen admits that yelling at Vicki probably didn't help her singing voice, and I do have to wonder the toll that all of these Housewives arguments over the years have taken on our ladies' voices. If Luciano Pavarotti had been a Housewife, would he have even made it through auditions at the Met? Ponder that for a moment. At rehearsal, Gretchen worries that not only will she not be able to dance at their level, she's also a little concerned about her ass. But we believe in you darling! Your behind is perfect and we believe in your ability to shake it!

Bedside Manners
Briana makes it home from the hospital, with Vicki at her disposal. B just wants to sleep. Vicki on the other hand would like to know if she want the fan on, if she wants a protein drink, if she wants her medicine in a bucket, etc., etc. It's adorable to see Vicki so despartely wanting to dote on her daughter, and precious watching Briana try to sweetly reject all those helpful advances. Briana again proves that's she's the best person in the world by managing to be a great patient even in the face of all her drama. I would have probably windmill slapped my mother if she kept touching/talking to me while I was sick, so it's incredibly commendable she didn't go bananas on Vicki. In another sick bed in the O.C., Alexis just wants some peace peas. Jim has rationed a small snack bag of frozen peas for her nose swelling. Jim is really sure that the difference between her getting nauseous and not is eating carrots. I have not heard this wellness theory, but it sounds pretty secure. Everytime I have felt sick I have not eaten carrots (mainly because I hate them, so I never eat them), but maybe that's what has kept me from being in total health for all these years.

Besides the physical pain, Alexis is emotionally wounded that Gretchen hasn't come to visit her while her nose was healing. She did look like she needed some doting on when she went to the doctor for her after surgery exam (though the fedora is a great post-op look).

A Real Copter Out
Vicki, Tamra, and Heather arrive at the helipad to jaunt off and discuss the restaurant biz in Beverly Hills. I would be remiss to point out that one -- this is the second helicopter ride on our fair network in two days (see Bethenny Ever After), and two -- didn't you wish just a little bit that this was going to be a cross over episode and that Heather was going to visit Lisa Vanderpump at SUR? We can dream can't we?

Anyway, after taking in the sweeping views of the city, the ladies land and greet the gaggle of ladies Heather is going into business with.

Yes, Heather is not merely opening a business, she's opening a business with five other ladies. . .

Vicki and Tamra are a little dubious that these disputes won't end in wine throwing and tears. I have to say, I agree with them. Opening a restaurant is hard enough, let alone when you're adding six lady cooks in the kitchen. I think wine might end up flying by the time this whole endeavor is opened. Vicki would like them just off the bat to write up an agreement of some kind, and to start thinking of this as more of a real business and not a clubhouse.

Meanwhile, Heather is trying to focus on the excitement, which is good. Keep that untainted vigor girl!

Over Cristal, Heather and the gals continue to gab business. Tamra wins the line of the episode by saying that Heather's friends are "a whole 'nother dynamic of women." "They're so considerate of each other and they're so nice to each other -- not quite like our friends," says Tamra. Speaking of not being considerate, Vicki lays out a lot of business plan ideas she thinks the women haven'’t thought of. Heather thinks that her bristling is related to the trouble in her own world, and then she’s saved by the ring when Brooks calls. . .

And now for something completely different. . .

This is a clip of Gretchen setting her hair on fire


Rough Riding
On the ride back, Tamra and Vicki discuss positive friendships and what it must be like to have friends that are supportive and nice. In the wake of Briana’s situation, Vicki is taking the Gretchen/Slade drama with a grain of salt. Hopefully Gretchen can take it the same way. As if the limo ride wasn’t tough enough, Tamra gets an email from her attorney about her divorce. Putting that final nail into the coffin of her marriage is tough, as it represents a good chunk of her life -- good and bad.

In the next episode (not airing until April 3), Alexis wears a surgical mask and scrubs up for another brush up with Tamra while the rest of the gang gets dirty at a mud run.

But before then, I want to know what else you think is "So Heather" in the comments. Lay it on me fans!

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Lizzie: Tamra Doesn't Fight Fair

Lizzie thinks Tamra's comments about her children were meant to deflect from her own problems.

Happy Labor Day!!! I am going to make this blog short and sweet. It’s a holiday and I am going to be spending the day with family in Newport wearing a Sun Kitten and a smile. I hope you all are having a great holiday weekend.

To be honest, the second half of the Reunion was hard to watch. I think it got too ugly. I am not going to insult any of your intelligence in explaining this episode. We all know that misery loves company, and "projection" is as easy to spot as a $2 dollar bill. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that everything miserable that comes out of Tamra's mouth is a direct reflection of what is going on in her life. In my opinion, children are off limits. It's quite apparent that Tamra does not fight fair and when all else fails she will throw your kids, marriage, and even your body under the bus in an attempt to hurt you. We filmed the reunion for over 10 hours and after listening to so much ugliness my heart just couldn't take it anymore.

I do not regret telling Shannon all the things that Tamra said about her. Everything I shared with Shannon was something that happened and was said on camera. I didn't take anything and create unnecessary drama. I would do it again in a heartbeat and I would think my friends would do the same for me. I simply did not know the truth about Tamra. Danielle told me all the things Tamra said about me. That is why after my birthday I was so hurt by her. It's hard for viewers to understand because these things weren't in the show. She could have called me and said she wasn't coming. I called her after sitting on the bus for over an hour. The next day she made fun of me to Danielle, in addition to asking plenty of questions looking for negative details regarding my party.

On that one-year free membership to Cut Fitness: Let's delve into this shall we? I was the one that contacted Tamra days after my party. She did not contact me to give me present. I had invited Tamra, Eddie, Danielle, Joe, Heather, and Terry to the Kentucky Derby and Tamra was the only person that had not sent in the RSVP. It was past the deadline and it was getting borderline rude at this point. Tamra, in fact, was making fun of the Kentucky Derby and the charity event that would be hosting us to Danielle. So, I reached out to Tamra regarding the Kentucky Derby and she texted me back saying, "I want to give you a free membership to CUT for your birthday." Tamra knows I am already a member to a sports club and that was the last I heard of this "free membership." I never received any kind of certificate or card for membership. I suppose she thought I would have the gall to show up and say, "I got a text message from Tamra for a free membership!" It's almost laughable. Needless to say, I don't go to her gym and she didn't attend the Kentucky Derby with me.

There is nothing else to say regarding the Shag, Marry, Kill game that I haven't already discussed in great length in any of my previous blogs. I said the word "marry" and that's that. Tamra even glared at me on the way out of the Valentine's Party and repeated it. "Marry you?" Tamra has said multiple times she couldn't even remember because she drank too much and there are even text messages where she says it too. Her story changes continually, like the words that come out both sides of her mouth.

During the Reunion, Tamra said many more hurtful things that you didn't see. She went on to talk about my son Preston and my marriage. We all remember the episode in the park where Preston hit me on the head with his elephant. He was asleep in the car and he had a mini temper tantrum. He was three -- it happens. I would assume most mothers have had it happen at some point. In addition, my husband and I got in a fight on my birthday. I feel awful about it, yet it made us closer. I just wanted what every woman wants -- to feel special because of her man. I am a big time believer in learning from your mistakes and that won't ever happen again. However none of those incidents had anything to do with Tamra. But on her quest to hurt everyone, she managed to drag in some irrelevant topics. I know it's all to deflect from what's going on in her life and to make someone else look bad. . .but it does hurt nonetheless. My babies and my marriage are my life so I guess her goal was to attack the things closest to my heart because she can't fight fair.

I hope you enjoyed this season and I hope you had a fabulous summer!!! The fall is my absolute favorite time of year, so I say bring on football and cooler weather.

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