Don’t get it twisted O.C. fans. You were in fact watching an episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County – not an episode of ER. So if you could handle all that surgical drama, the site of mucus plugs coming out of Alexis' nose, and the thought of Tamra losing her large breasts, you can handle this recap.
The Doctor Will See All of You Now
We open with Tamra debating changing her life -- this time by having her breast implants removed. Tamra wants to get back to nature, and use her mind as her source of power -- not her faux breasts. Only in Orange County would implant removal be such a significant metaphor for change. Third boob set, third boyfriend, third time's a charm!
In a more advanced level of surgical endeavor, Alexis is finally going under for her sinus/nasal surgery. And I have to say, if anyone thought Alexis was just crying sinusitis, the site of the doctor pulling hunks of phlegm or boogers or whatever that was should have stopped that. I hope you weren't eating during that vignette, because frankly I almost stopped breathing out of disgust. Yuck!
Finally we swing over to Vicki, who is greeting Michael who has come to visit Briana. The surgery was tough and the doctors are not happy with what they've found. Briana has been suffering, and her lymph nodes were in bad shape. The doctor says he wouldn't be surprised if the tests do come back cancerous. Fingers crossed that's not the case.
That's So Heather
In a less medical state is Heather, who is trying to balance all her kids and dinner and what not. Heather is trying to bring a bit of her NYC attitude to the O.C. by opening a restaurant (not one that'd she'd cook in it, of course). Heather does have some restaurant experience -- she was once a hostess -- and the restaurant could keep her sane.
When next we see Heather, she's balancing a baby and inviting people to lunch via helicopter. That is so Heather, Tamra. It's so Heather, that I want us to have a spin-off show, in which Heather just reenacts episodes of That's So Raven, but richer. You'd tune-in right?
What's New Pussycat
Meanwhile, Gretchen and Slade arrive in Vegas to meet with Pussycat Dolls founder, Robin Antin. Gretchen admits that yelling at Vicki probably didn't help her singing voice, and I do have to wonder the toll that all of these Housewives arguments over the years have taken on our ladies' voices. If Luciano Pavarotti had been a Housewife, would he have even made it through auditions at the Met? Ponder that for a moment. At rehearsal, Gretchen worries that not only will she not be able to dance at their level, she's also a little concerned about her ass. But we believe in you darling! Your behind is perfect and we believe in your ability to shake it!
Briana makes it home from the hospital, with Vicki at her disposal. B just wants to sleep. Vicki on the other hand would like to know if she want the fan on, if she wants a protein drink, if she wants her medicine in a bucket, etc., etc. It's adorable to see Vicki so despartely wanting to dote on her daughter, and precious watching Briana try to sweetly reject all those helpful advances. Briana again proves that's she's the best person in the world by managing to be a great patient even in the face of all her drama. I would have probably windmill slapped my mother if she kept touching/talking to me while I was sick, so it's incredibly commendable she didn't go bananas on Vicki. In another sick bed in the O.C., Alexis just wants some peace peas. Jim has rationed a small snack bag of frozen peas for her nose swelling. Jim is really sure that the difference between her getting nauseous and not is eating carrots. I have not heard this wellness theory, but it sounds pretty secure. Everytime I have felt sick I have not eaten carrots (mainly because I hate them, so I never eat them), but maybe that's what has kept me from being in total health for all these years.
Besides the physical pain, Alexis is emotionally wounded that Gretchen hasn't come to visit her while her nose was healing. She did look like she needed some doting on when she went to the doctor for her after surgery exam (though the fedora is a great post-op look).
A Real Copter Out
Vicki, Tamra, and Heather arrive at the helipad to jaunt off and discuss the restaurant biz in Beverly Hills. I would be remiss to point out that one -- this is the second helicopter ride on our fair network in two days (see Bethenny Ever After), and two -- didn't you wish just a little bit that this was going to be a cross over episode and that Heather was going to visit Lisa Vanderpump at SUR? We can dream can't we?
Anyway, after taking in the sweeping views of the city, the ladies land and greet the gaggle of ladies Heather is going into business with.
Yes, Heather is not merely opening a business, she's opening a business with five other ladies. . .
Vicki and Tamra are a little dubious that these disputes won't end in wine throwing and tears. I have to say, I agree with them. Opening a restaurant is hard enough, let alone when you're adding six lady cooks in the kitchen. I think wine might end up flying by the time this whole endeavor is opened. Vicki would like them just off the bat to write up an agreement of some kind, and to start thinking of this as more of a real business and not a clubhouse.
Meanwhile, Heather is trying to focus on the excitement, which is good. Keep that untainted vigor girl!
Over Cristal, Heather and the gals continue to gab business. Tamra wins the line of the episode by saying that Heather's friends are "a whole 'nother dynamic of women." "They're so considerate of each other and they're so nice to each other -- not quite like our friends," says Tamra. Speaking of not being considerate, Vicki lays out a lot of business plan ideas she thinks the women haven'’t thought of. Heather thinks that her bristling is related to the trouble in her own world, and then she’s saved by the ring when Brooks calls. . .
And now for something completely different. . .
This is a clip of Gretchen setting her hair on fire
On the ride back, Tamra and Vicki discuss positive friendships and what it must be like to have friends that are supportive and nice. In the wake of Briana’s situation, Vicki is taking the Gretchen/Slade drama with a grain of salt. Hopefully Gretchen can take it the same way. As if the limo ride wasn’t tough enough, Tamra gets an email from her attorney about her divorce. Putting that final nail into the coffin of her marriage is tough, as it represents a good chunk of her life -- good and bad.
In the next episode (not airing until April 3), Alexis wears a surgical mask and scrubs up for another brush up with Tamra while the rest of the gang gets dirty at a mud run.
But before then, I want to know what else you think is "So Heather" in the comments. Lay it on me fans!