The First 'Wives Club

Episode 5:'s Associate Web Editor ponders Robert Palmer, hair crimping, nose jobs, and mortal enemies.

Mar 5, 2012

Life as a Doll
Slade, the ever-expanding entertainment impresario, has another career offer for Gretchen. This one does not involve her wearing an orange prison jumpsuit (well actually it still might) -- it's dancing/singing at the Pussycat Doll Saloon in Vegas! Robin Antin has never seen Gretchen dance (because according to G, "I haven't really danced, danced -- except like at a club.") but she does know that she has songs on iTunes (because Slade told her). And she has faith in the talent that is Ms. Rossi. Besides she and Slade have already discussed that she'll sing "Fever" or dance in a bathtub. It's really all set. Gretchen just has to pack an overnight bag for the pooches and get her curlers to Sin City whether she wants to or not.

I Love the '80s
In the words of Gretchen, "I thought bunco was for old people," which would lead me to assume that the party should be '50s or Prohibition-themed, but the spandex surrounded time has come. Pre-party of course there is some drama, as Tamra confronts Gretchen about the Slade-situation. She seems to accept Gretchen's apology for the situation, but still has a ball-kicking wish for Slade. Gretchen seems to be right when it comes to these guys having growing pains. . .it's not going to be all BFF bracelets and sex toy shop visits.

Anyway, a couple of crimps and Alf impressions later and the women are ready for some bunco. I want to give some major props first to Heather for honing in on a specific character as her inspiration (specifically since I really love Robert Palmer, and I respect her choice not to look bad.) and secondly to Tamra for continuing this season's trend of not trusting her fellow 'Wives in her own home. I think Gretchen's observation of "Why is this game fun?" is fitting for all games, too. Who knows why any game is fun? It just is!?! Go with it. Enjoy the random chance. Ask Jesus or whatever religious juju you believe in for help (or not if you're Heather). Just take your nipple nibblers and use them wherever you choose.

Of course, no party in Housewives land is all fun, and before long the subject of Slade's stand-up comedy comes up. Tamra doesn't want to engage in all this caterwauling, but her friend Ricky does. This leads to Gretchen and him getting into one of those "Why are you trying to start s—t fights." Tamra uses a variety of hand motions to shut the situation down, and things manage to blow over for the time being. . . until the men arrive.

Yes, dressed in all manner of '80s garb, all the ladies' gents arrive -- including Slade in a mullet of guilt (or just a regular mullet, but I suspect it's full of secrets or guilt or something. It had so much body).

We'll have to wait until next week to see if the mullet is pulled off in a fight, or if everyone's faux hair survives. Leave your guess for who's hair will be uncrimped by the evening's end in the comments.