The First 'Wives Club

Episode 3: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor ponders painting parties, jokes, and sex toys.

Feb 21, 2012

As most painting parties are want to do, the conversation immediately turns to sex toys. Alexis' toy of choice is apparently a cake (or well, an apron and a cake). Heather's is a look of superiority and a polite, "No thanks." Thusly, Mrs. Dubrow shuts down the Kandi-Koated chatter rather quickly and tries to move things back to the land of happy Bob Ross trees.

And how can you not be in the land of happy trees with Timree? First she’s wearing a delightfully Nicole Riche-esque headband. Second her name sounds like a delightful wind chime. Vicki is calling bulls--t on the birth certificate, and while I do believe that Timree is indeed her given name, I would like to see the that documentation. I just imagine it is adorned with drawings of fairies and wood nymphs.

But all the adorable names and bright colors aren't enough to cover the tension between the gals. Vicki and Alexis start openly friend flirting in front of Tamra and Gretchen. Alexis is not impressed by Heather's big band past. People are taking friendship portraits together. And then Mr. Dubrow arrives, leading to even more awkwardness when he starts his standup routine (maybe he and Slade can do a two-man show). And then Tamra gets the brush-off (art joke!) from Vicki! Snap!

Post party, things get even colder than Mona Lisa's smile (art joke?), when Gretchen and Slade discuss Brooks' own legal troubles. Slade gets especially "fence-tearing" as he thinks Vicki's being a bit of a hypocrite. I feel he might have a few choice knock-knock jokes for her the next time they see each other.

What did you guys think? What would you have painted for each of the O.C. ladies? I would have watercolored a cake for Heather and Alexis that said, "Learn to Love." Leave your favorite Housewife-related art puns in the comments!