Cast Blog: #RHOC

Alexis Forgives, But Doesn't Forget

Alexis explains why she's done with the bullying topic, and why she can't let things with Gretchen go just yet.

I know this will shock many of you, but hearing Tamra's past was not a surprise to me. Through the last few years of seeing her tough exterior, I could also see a sad, wounded child. I knew there were layers to her that none of us knew. Although someone's past is never an excuse for his/her behavior, hearing her story definitely helped me understand her better. We all have experiences from our past that haunt us. Tamra is learning how to adjust her current actions to not reflect her past, and I applaud that.

Many of you tell me I should move on with Gretchen if I can move forward with Tamra, and I have to say this: I HAVE moved on with Gretchen. We are not enemies; we are not friends. A couple years ago, Gretchen and I were dear friends, and I had a deep trust, respect and love for her. When she threw our friendship away so easily, I saw her true colors. Once that deep trust with a friend is broken, it's impossible to gain it back.

Tamra and I never had that trust or respect for one another because we only hung out a handful of times, and I think we always knew we were polar opposites. Today, Tamra and I are not claiming to be best friends; we have simply decided to look at what similarities we have rather than focus on our differences. It feels good to know she cared enough to reach out to me, and I'm glad we are able to hang out and have fun together, rather than fight. It's easy to forgive, even though you don't necessarily forget. . .

This leads into the next topic, which is Tamra's dress shopping day debacle. I was so excited I was asked to share this special moment with Tamra. When Gretchen told me Tamra texted her that she didn't want me there I immediately called Tamra. Tamra did not hesitate, stutter, or lie. She very clear and instantly said that she only told Gretchen she didn't want me there because Gretchen was exhausting and she'd rather focus on her special day than spend hours on the phone arguing with Gretchen about who she invited. Tamra then proceeded to say that she 100 percent wanted me to share in her dress shopping day. So, that was all I needed to hear. I am not responsible for Gretchen and Tamra's argument, I simply followed my heart.

Onto Malibu Country. When I heard Gretchen's phone call from Malibu Country, it sounded exactly like the phone call I received from my manager. It said they were "interested in her. . .and checking availability." I never felt I was offered a role from that phone call. I personally think the only reason Heather and Tamra are upset about this is because Gretchen used it to toy with Tamra's emotions. If Gretchen would admit she misunderstood the phone call since it was never an actual role, they would move on.

Oy vey, I have to say, I am as tired of the "bully" topic as much as everyone else. I stated weeks ago in my blog that the word didn't matter. I wouldn't have brought it up at the reunion if I were not asked about it. The women and I are all in a different place now. I am past it, I am empowered. I am my own person, and I am not a victim. That's the end of it.

The Bellinos are off to our final family vacation for the summer! We leave at 5 am tomorrow for two weeks, so I may not be as active on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook for a bit! However, I'll be sure to share some photos! Love you all and appreciate all of the support you have shown me this year. Everyone may not always agree with my choices, but I try everyday to become a better me. Thank you for letting me share my family, my career and my views with all of you. Wishing you a fabulous week! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

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