I want to begin by once again reminding everyone that the events of this episode happened seven months ago, and many things have changed since then. It's really hard to recap something that occurred so long ago without being influenced by the way I feel today.
Starting off, I understand that everyone handles stressful situations differently, but not having Vicki or Lydia help defend me really hurt. So when Lydia came out to check on me, it was a huge relief. I needed to know that she cared. It's awkward to be leaving a party while your friends who rode with you are staying at the party,
However, I didn't want to tell Lydia she needed to leave with me. I wanted her to decide what the right thing to do was on her own. The fact that Lydia and Vicki both chose to leave the party with me meant the world to me. It definitely showed their compassion and character.
Going back to the moment when I was sitting alone in the limo, my emotions took over as I began to grasp what had just happened. Tamra kicking me out of the party was beyond my wildest imagination. I was glad Vicki and Lydia came out to the limo to check on me, but I was also ready to leave immediately. When the conversation between Lydia and I escalated, it is fair to say I was already emotional from what transpired inside. Lydia is entitled to her own opinion, but she hasn't walked in my shoes with these women. She doesn't know what I have experienced or how I've been treated. She claims that I know what I'm getting myself into.
DEFINING BULLYING, ADULT BULLYING IS REA - so stop with the semantics, please
Just found this site - (bullyingstatistics.org)
"One would think that as people mature and progress through life, that they would stop behaviors of their youth (try as they might, these women are a looooong way away from their youth). Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Sadly, ADULTS CAN BE BULLIES, just as children and teenagers can be bullies. While adults are more likely to use verbal bullying..., the fact of the matter is that ADULT BULLYING EXISTS. The goal of an adult bully is to gain power over another person, and make himself or herself the dominant adult. They try to humiliate victims, and "show them who is boss." "
"BULLYING is the use of force etc, to abuse or intimidate others. The behavior can be habitual and involve an imbalance of social or physical power. It can include verbal harassment/ threat/ physical assault or coercion. .BULLYING by a GROUP is MOBBING; the victim of bullying has been referred to as a "TARGET.
BULLYING consists of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse and includes intimidation. It ranges from simple one-on-one bullying to more complex bullying in which the bully may have one or more "LIEUTENANTS" (?Heather and Gretchen) who may seem to be willing to assist the primary bully in his or her bullying activities
WHAT WE SAW WAS:
Narcissistic Adult Bully: adult bully,self-centered and does not share empathy with others. Has little anxiety about consequences; SEEMS to feel good about him or herself, but in reality has a brittle narcissism that requires putting others down.
SECONDARY ADULT BULLY: someone who does not initiate the bullying, but joins in so that he or she does not actually become a victim down the road. Secondary bullies may feel bad about what they are doing, but are more concerned about protecting themselves.
Alexis, dont let sillyJillySue (below) or your "friend" Lydia tell you that you were not bullied. You were bullied. Don't let people who refuse to open a dictionary tell you what a bully is. You KNOW. We KNOW. The 3 insecure bullies KNOW. The "friend" Lydia KNOWS. The bullied Vicky KNOWS. This is classic bullying. Bullies thrive and salivate on having everyone jump. They get almost an orgasm from publicly belittling others. Their vision is outward; they NEVER EVER self-examine and anyone who DARES, hint at, look at them askance, can be torn limb from limb. Play back the "dinner party" if you doubt me; look at Tamra's behavior - she is crazed, staring, reaching and almost salivating. Look at the exchange between her and friend fake "actress" heather who pretended to pour oil on the waters she had just prepped and stirred up (don't be fooled by her - she is a back-stabber); look at Gretchen's glee. Look at Vicky's fear - she did not even say anything...in fact the memory of what it is like to be bullied, almost paralyzed her - she could not even be woman enough to be your friend openly:she had to justify looking/ not looking; afraid that the crazed Tamra would get her "the F__K' out of there too while the gleeful and salivating Heather and Gretchen got their rocks off. people do attack Christians, they see confessing Christ as a "weak" spot; but these old women are, as we have seen fearful, jealous, conniving, tired and desperately trying to grab men, hold on to long-lost youth and be "somebody" and will cut down anyone to do it. Continue to act like the classy lady you have shown yourself to be. Heather will get hers; Gretchen's is coming. Lydia is oiling up her own self for the frying pan that is being heated by Tamra, Heather and Gretchen. .I was disappointed in VIcky - because she has such power; but that just goes to tell you how the gang mentality and bullying can demoralize a person.
I have no empathy for Alexis. I am offended by her use of the word bully. She is so insensitive to put herself in the same category with children and adults who are truly bullied. She is an actor, put herself in the situation to engage with strong minded women. She can not articulate her thoughts, can not stand her ground in an argument. I really dislike Alexis on the show. It isn't drama she adds. She is boring , whiney, and offensive. Time for you to leave.....
Pleeeease Bravo, get rid of Alexis. She is so fake on the show and is VERY obviously acting and fake crying much of the time. Replace her with someone else! Give her the boot! There is nothing real about her.
Here's another word for you to not only look up but to also seriously study. It comes with having maturity...it's called EMPATHY. Once, not ONCE have you tried to understand what the OTHER person may have been feeling. You only talk about how YOU have been soooooo hurt but STILL continue this victim train driving it full speed AGAIN into this season too!!!! You totally contradict yourself saying Lydia hasn't walked in your shoes with these women (which she hasn't but YOU have) and then turn around and bitch about how she's explaining you knew what you were getting yourself into...which you DID KNOW Alexis. Waaaa. Just because someone doesn't agree with you doesn't mean you need to take such a hurt/vctim role all the time. Can we pleeeeeeeease grow up????
Alexis, YOU started it at Tamaras dinner party! When Tamara quietly asked you why you came, you could have VERY WELL answered her in a polite, diplomatic, and truthful answer about how you'd like to be a (supposed) optimist like you're trying to pitch in this blog...but NO!!!! You had to put your boxing gloves on and snark back at her, "WELL TAMARA, if you didn't want me here then why did you invite me???" YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GO THERE ALEXIS! YOU started the downward spiral from that night SO STOP IT. Heather was only saying she hadn't said a thing....which wasn't anything MEAN...geez....and there you went again snarking back, "I WASN'T EVEN LOOKING AT YOU HEATHER!" You are NOT getting it girl. THIS IS THE REASON YOU ARE FEELING ANTAGONIZED....you CONTINUE to refuse your own accountability. If I had to be around someone like that all the time, which you guys DO have to be around one another, rest assured I wouldn't be able to contain myself from a definite eye roll here and there. It's IRRITATING.
The obvious mean girls are Tamra and Gretchen. But watch out for Lydia! Passive-Aggressive, Wants everyone to like her and plays all sides of everyone's fence. Under the radar she will stir the pot without anyone ever knowing she is instigating chaos.
I'm so sorry for you. My daughter is disabled also. I do believe and have been trained that if you feel threaten then you are being bullied. We don't know how Alexis feels we can't get in her head but Tamara is a scary person I wouldn't want to meet her. Am
There no way that Alexis was bullied no way, I have been bullied because of My disability.all my life.i went through so much stuff. Even as audlt. It really make angry and piss off. I was cornered by kids called, names, They use to hit me. It got to point that I didn't want go to school.alexis You have no idea what it really feels like. Please stop.
Dear Rosewild...Your bullying experience is just that...its yours alone. Hers is different than yours, but that doesn't make it any less valid. I have experienced her kind of bullying and it is totally demeaning. Your disability makes your experience seem larger and hers seem trivial. You don't have a right to make your experience seem like it is so valid and hers is not. Your disability doesn't give you the right to downplay unkindness in any form...
When a bunch of jealous cows come up with bogus reasons to gang up on you, just know they are absolutely eat up with envy. The fans see it clearly. You did nothing wrong in attempting to speak up for yourself. You were probably reminded of the verse about "pearls before swine". In other words, why waste your breath when they had obviously rehearsed their harpie scrpts before you arrived. Look at them and then look in the mirror. That should explain part of it.
I will admit that I have not been a fan of you Alexis. I just watched the episode for Tamara's dinner. It is aweful how they treated you. Tamara has been a bully since the begining and all the girls are scared of her. I have lost all respect for Tamara, Gretchen, and Heather. My girlfriend and I have watched this show since the begining and we both agree we are done.
You really think you do not do anything wrong do you? You signed up for the show, you chose to go to that party knowing these people and the one you are suing are there, you wanted a paycheck! Please stop acting like you had to be back on the show. You are money hungry and stop acting like a pitiful martyr.
You have what the other women want. You are in a good marriage, with children, and you are happy. Don't let the other women bring you down.
Poor me no one likes me! I don’t know what I did to have everyone always bully me. Woo is me…what a laugh. Grow up girl. You have more than many women; I actually don’t know why you’re on the show. You’re boring, you don’t communicate well, you exclude yourself, and your fake. Step out of the picture and get a grip on what life really is about. In the past you had to look up couture when you had your dress line, you had to see a map to know where Costa Rica was, and now look up bulling, what are you doing on the show. You need to see the show again at Tamara's gym pre-opening dinner. You’re the one that initiated the tension. You said: check please, and you pretended you had a knife, saying you can cut something with a knife. You then exploded, and told the hostess to but out. Your other most insulting behavior was at Heather's party when you kept telling her to "get over it" when that crazy pal of yours messed up Heather's cake: If someone defiled your wedding cake or your kids cake you would have been offended also. You’re the bad person you’re not paying attention in church, you just feel sorry for yourself and continue to make money. I'd appreciate Bravo would find another cool person like Lydia and Heather. Try Sesame Street.
mibasho well said, ....... alexis should look the word BULLY up in dictionary.. playing the VICTIM all the time doesnt fool people with a brain
elsa64 mibasho Wow you sound like a bully yourself!! You must be so awesome and wonderful and your words of wisdom are so encouraging! Thank you for posting such an intelligent post :)
I don't believe Alexis is a stupid person. Yes her lack of cognitive abilities do show. However after recieving an education and working professionally for so many years, behind the scenes and in front, it is clear you can only work with what you have. She wants to be an expanded woman in many ways, her business is thriving, she is learning and growing. I think going to school would help her with her confidence in speaking, as she expands her intelligence, gains more experience in public and learns how to address anyone at anytime. This all takes time...
I admit that I like Alexis b/c i don't find her bring the same garbage, disrespect and foulness that the rest of the girls dish out. I think she tries to live by much higher standards. Although your words are very, very straight to the point, i think they are well said and that Alexis would do well to examine your criticism as harsh as it sounds so that she can check her own behavior and become a greater woman of stature. i agree she whines however i have received the same treatment and it can bring out the 'woe is me' until you learn how to stand taller than the lowness and learn how to speak with dignity and shrewdness to insulting behavior. She is paid to be on the show, so she can't ignore...use the negative behavior to lift yourself up and become stronger and better. I think Alexis has a lot to learn about becoming a better woman and I think that she will hopefully become much more than the insulting, negative, insufferable, behavior that she is learning to confront!
Maybe if you owned up to your narcissistic behavior, things would blow over quicker. All you do is blame the other women and say things like, "I don't know what I did for them to hate me". Not saying how they behaved is right, but you're not innocent in all this either.
@Esther194 Unfortunately, all the words they try to get in edgewise, are "Alexis, you suck. Alexis, we cant stand you!" Who, exactly, wants to hear that?
You have too many good things in your life to waste time dealing with Tamara and Gretchens negativity.....Tamara will always feel insecure around you b/c all the money in the world couldn't by her any class...She should be and probably is jealous of you b/c no matter how hard she tries she will never have enough good qualities to cover the ugliness that shines through so brightly in her. There isn't really much at all to say about Gretchen for her looking at your life and the joy that shines through it just reminds her of her misery.....and misery loves company.
The women are bullies! They are just trying to diffuse it because of the current publicity the word now has....but, it is a real situation. I am someone who doesn't need a cheering team if I have something to say to someone. One on one and if we can't work through this then
Matthew 10:14 "Whoever does not receive you, nor heed your words, as you go out of that house or that city, shake the dust off your feet. King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.) .
.Luke 9:3-5. He said to ... If the people in the town will not welcome you, go outside the town and shake their dust off of your feet.
you must be yourself and not change to what someone else wants you to be...i think that you and porsha stewart were in the same boat because you had a traditional relationship with your husbands be the head of your household. there is nothing wrong with that...
This may seem rather frank, but do you realize that some of the points you made about yourself and these women, really pertain to children?? Your reference to "that type of behavior" not being ok "in an office, cafeteria, or playground," conveniently are all at schools, which also conveniently references to children. FYI you are NOT a child, meaning that you canNOT put yourself in the same category as them. You may act like a child, but that doesn't mean you are one. Do I think the Tamra treated you kindly in Costa Rica? No, but Heather and Gretchen were just being constructively critical of you, NOT bullying.
@mp.212 It is so nice for someone else to finally say she is not getting bullied. It infuriates me how Alexis and so many people are seriously comparing these cat fights with bullying. As I said below it is such a disrespect to what is truly a problem for so many kids who DO NOT voluntary put themselves in these situations. I hope this grown woman gets off this kick it just makes me sick so many people have taken their lives because of true and real bullying.
mp.212 once again i agree , alexis likes to throw the word bullying around,,, because of the reaction she gets.... its a total disrespect to children and adults who are been bullied.... that does not justify tamra obnoxious behaviour, everyone knows she doesnt have a filter..., get a life alexis
Sorry gang. Please read some books on bullying. Ganging up on a person is a bully. By the way, do you even read or look definitions up in the dictionary? Look it up before you post sweetheart. A bully- A person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker. Three women ganged up on Alexis at one time. Therefore, they had strength and power to intimidate a weaker person. Get a grip- this is why people are dying from bullying every day. I feel so sorry for the children of tomorrow. Oh yeah, maybe your child will be treated like Alexis one day? Will you like that or maybe you are so ignorant that you wouldn’t care about your child either.
I do believe you are the current target & ....yes bullied. My issue - You continue to bring a knife to a gunfight (metaphor), then later moan 'pity-party for me'. Some of this you continue to bring on & engage, rather than take a walk. Let them rail, your silence CAN be golden!.
To say you haven't talked smack about the other housewives or continue to plead "clueness" regarding the issues they hold about you (legit or not) is delusional and straight out not embracing truth. Find your inner strength!
I think you should just own it that you were acting &sounding phony, fake, superficial from the last seasons. It may not be the real you (wwhatever that may be, who knows) Even if you were like that, you didnt deserve to be screamed at and picked at. Im sorry if you went though that. I hope its a second wake up call for you to grasp reality. Watch the other seasons and evaluate yourself. I know the opinions of others are very hurtful but it may be the truth.
Stop with the saying God is on your side. Guess what? God is on everyone's side. It drives me crazy with your holier than thou attitude
I've been watching OC for awhile and I never really cared for you bc all you talked about was what u owned and money. Also, your husband seemed very controlling and you seemed as if you were walking on eggshells. I really like you this season and I love the positive growth between you and ur husband. You both are communicating really well and you seems comfortable in your own skin. Thumbs up to Jim. I think you make a wonderful friend. I really can't stand Gretchen. She is so far up Tamra's ass and seems to forget how Tamra treated her in the past. I guess she always wanted to be Tamra's friend and Tamra felt bad for her and threw her a bone. All the best for you and Jim :)
I know you got a lot of "you shouldn't have gone", but this is a reality show and you have to interact with each other if you want to be on the show. You were my fav from the beginning. I knew you were going to have a hard time because you are a girly girl, can't we all get along in the name JESUS type of girl. Your husband wants you to be more aggressive, please just continue to be you.
To start I do not think you are a bad or terrible person but I do think you make bad decisions and have some unflattering traits. As human beings we all have faults. To address the current situations. You decided to attend a party where you do not get along with the host or really any of the other guests attending. I understand you probably did it to try to be supportavie of Vicky and maybe hoped to reconcil with the other women. Tamara probably only agreed to let you come because she is trying to mend fences with Vicky. As we see in the show she regrets allowing you to come before the event ever begins. I can understand why Tamara questions your motives for coming to the party. If I had publically declared that a group of people had repeatedly bullied me and threatened to sue one of them, I would not come to a party where these people made up the guest list and one was the host. It is just asking for trouble.
When the arguing does begin and you decide to tell to Tamara to butt out I can understand why she gets upset. This is her event that she was gracious enough to allow you to attend and you think that you are going to tell her what to do??? You would not allow someone to come into your business or home and try to tell you how to act. It is a normal response to be upset. I have to say that Tamara was over the top and did over-react to scream at you. Personally I would have taken you aside and politely told you it would be best for you to go.
You may feel that the women were mean and unfair to you in Costa Rica when they tried to talk to you about issues that were bothering them. Your feelings were hurt that is understandable. It can be hard to hear things about ourselves that are negative or we do not see. That being said you don't necessairily have to change who you are for them, but you probably don't want to continue to socialize with them knowing how they feel.
If you do not feel their concerns are worth considering stear clear of this group and continue with any other friends you may have who you can get along with.
jen0727 Tamra --- "Gracious" ???? You make some good and fair points.
However the connection ends when "Tamra and Gracious" are located in the same sentence. Tamra could be so truly beautiful if only she had attributes such as behaving graciously.
All guests at a party deserve to be respected and made by the Host/Hostess. At no time should the host/hostess of a party single a guest out for embarrassment as Tamra gleefully did.
Forget the psychic! Tamra had Alexis as the main attraction.
Alexis, be strong, speak slower, answer any irritating question literally with minimal amount of words, and be smart, alert, watchful when you are among those three oc vamps. I hope you will emerge from all these battles a winner .
You care way to much what these morons think of you etc.. You need a good lesson on how to beat them at their own game and I think that entails not giving a rats ass about what they think. They know you care and so you are fun for them to pick on and bully. Just be happy, don't bother to get into it with them - they will all wind up pooping in their own mess kit as time rolls on so sit back and watch the show begin. Please don't let these low lifes stress you out - you are a kind women with a beautiful family - live life and don't look back!
Alexis, you did great at Tamara's so called 'Gym" party. You held your own really really well although I know those bullies hurt you terribly. Get a new set of friends. I have always liked Gretchen up until the party. She was an alien from outer space. You were calm and "right on" with your comments. I was so embarrassed for the rest of the girls because they were all totally "BULLYS".
Has anyone seen the movie Bully? Alexis is a grown woman that has willingly put herself in these situations. So I say to Alexis go through what these children are not emotionally grown up to deal with and talk to these families that their children took their lives because they saw no hope and no end to their situations. I am sure these kids who are truly being bullied would take your situation over what they deal with day after day, this makes me so angry then to see people actually indulge this is just crazy. I am just saying to keep it real. I just feel Alexis causes her own grief because she seriously does not take any responsibility for anything she says our does. I'm just saying, Everyone needs to stop with the bully train out of respect for those that have taken their lives and the poor kids who on a daily basis endure horrible awful things daily.
Alexis, from what I see of you on the show, you appear to be a very grounded person. I love your relationship with your husband, your children, and with God. Anybody (Tamara) that makes fun of a person like you, is seriously lacking something in their own life. I too have a husband, three kids, a full-time job, and I attend classes to pursue my degree in Political Science. So I understand you completely and I fully admire what you do. Let the haters be your motivators. After all, if no one is hating on you, then you are doing something wrong, i.e. Heather. Keep doing your thing girlfriend!!!
I feel bad for you , only because you had to endure the torture the hyenas at tamras "party" . No one deserves to ever be treated so badly, and i do see it as bullying. You should have known better than to put yourself in that situation. These women( and I use the term loosely) , are vicious and NASTY, and you should avoid them at all costs.