Alexis' Changing Motives
Gretchen reflects on how her friendship with Alexis has fallen apart and explains why she reacted to Vicki the way she did.
Hi Everyone! I just got back from good old Texas and helping to raise more money for The Beckstrand Cancer Association in honor of Grayson this weekend! Thank you to everyone for your constant prayers and support for this amazing little boy! Slade and I know firsthand how deeply cancer affects families and that is why we continue to support the charities near and dear to our hearts and help raise money. We are so grateful to the many wonderful organizations that help people who are going through tough times. To donate or get more information go to BeckStrand.org.
Wow, what an episode tonight! I'm not even sure where to start, so I'll just dive in. I know Tamra was having a really hard time with having Alexis come to the party, and I think it was not cool of Vicki to even put Tamra in that position. I mean if she seriously was trying to work on their friendship and make amends then this isn't the best first move towards resolve. Vicki knows that Alexis was threatening to sue Tamra and that they didn't like each other, so why bring her to a very important night for Tamra?
I also find it funny that Alexis claims she is coming to support Tamra and her new business at Vicki's house, but then when asked why she came by Tamra the real truth comes out and she claims she was there only to support Vicki. Which is it? Alexis shouldn't have come at all unless she was there for the guest of honor and wanting to support her new venture. To me that's inappropriate and shows she is self-serving.
The only reason I was telling Alexis to leave was because I was being protective over Tamra and her special night, and my past record shows I will always do that for my friends. I was protective over Alexis' day and when it came to her dress luncheon a few years back as well. So when she started with the whole "we are bullies" accusations again I knew things were going to get ugly, so I said, "Why don't you leave then if we are such bullies?" I mean if she thinks we are such bullies, then why walk back into it and stay?
She once again brings up the situation and and then cries victim, saying we are all beating up on her. You can't just throw out all these ridiculous accusations and then expect us all to sit back and stay mum about it because now you want to pretend like this isn't the time or place. She is right -- this wasn't the time and place and so maybe she should of called or texted each of us beforehand to say, "I know we have our differences but I am not coming to start a fight and I hope we can talk one on one later." But, instead, she comes in claiming she was there only for Vicki (which of course I am going to have a beef with because I am friends with Tamra and saw the stress she was under by allowing her to come) and then says we are all being bullies again! We are not going to stand by and allow Alexis to use this night for her own agenda, no one would.
Obviously, as mentioned in previous episodes, I take a very strong stance on the usage of the word "bully." I believe Alexis is attaching herself to a very serious issue that is the "catchphrase" right now hoping to have people feel sorry for her, and it is disgusting. This show is elective, bullying is not. Bottom line she willingly signed up for a show where she is more than aware that the premise is to have an opinion of what the other women are doing or how they act or conduct themselves. If you don't like it then get off the show.
I think any Housewife that comes on and claims she is being bullied is defacing a very serious issue in the country. We have a responsibility by putting ourselves on these kinds of shows to not devalue serious issues that are happening in our community. Alexis is a grown woman, capable of making her own decisions, defending herself, and certainly in no way is her life being threatened or is in danger. I am not naive to think that bullying can effect adults and all types of people, and to see that it does not just have to be physical abuse -- but this was not one of those scenarios. If it was then every single one of us woman could claim bullying at one time or another on this show. For goodness' sakes, look at my first couple of seasons! I could have claimed that all day long, but I didn't because I am stronger than that. I am a grown woman. I don't like to play the victim card, and I signed up for this kind of scrutiny. Time to put your big girl pants on Alexis if you are going to play in this business. I mean is every single person that tweets you something negative a bully too?
As I brought up in this episode she lead the pack when it came to confronting Vicki in San Francisco, but of course when she lead the pack she claims that that kind of "ganging up" does not classify as bullying. However if you look at the facts they line up exactly to what she claims we did to her in Costa Rica. Vicki said "bring it on" in San Fran. Alexis said "let's talk about the white elephant in the room." Both initiated the conversations, which lead to the confrontation. Vicki felt like everyone was ganging up on her in San Fran and Alexis felt like everyone was ganging up on her in Costa Rica. Yet Alexis claims what we did was "bullying," but when the shoe is on the other foot Alexis claims Vicki was not bullied. That's hypocritical and contradictory. Alexis seems to think she can say whatever she wants about everyone else, but when someone says something she doesn't like about her she threatens to sue or claims bullying. Honestly, it makes it difficult for some of us to want to engage with her.
I know I make mistakes and sometimes I do things that I look back on and feel bad about. (For instance, making comments about Vicki having work done this season.) However I have run that night in Costa Rica over and over again in my head, and I do not feel like what I said was anything close to bullying, or was done with ill intent or abusive in any way. I mean for goodness' sakes, I had the least to say out of everyone. I even apologized to Alexis the next morning on the beach because she said I hurt her, which was the furthest thing from my intent. So I am not sure why she continues to categorize me in with the other woman as a "bully." She seems to have a very distorted understanding of the meaning of bullying and continues to solicit sympathy about something I never did to her. For this I lost total respect for her. From my perspective, the conversation was going in circles for close to two hours. I finally realized that maybe the only way to get it to shut down was to say to each party, this is how the other is seeing things. So I said "Alexis I know your heart, but these women don't and sometimes the things you say can come off as pretentious." I said it out of love, and out of wanting to help her understand why she was alienating herself from the group. How else was I supposed to honestly let her know as her friend that I know she doesn't mean to do it, but she that was coming across a certain negative way to this group?
Some of you said I should have done it in private, but I had already, and she wasn’t hearing me. I even warned her on the plane ride over about the issues the girls were going to bring up to her and gave her examples from my point of view. Alexis seemsto have amnesia about this conversation on the plane, but this is part of the reason that our friendship continued to fall apart. You try to help your friend as much as possible, but when they keep thinking the worst about you and your intentions -- and even claim you’re making things up or lying (like about Fox Five) that's when I decided I don't need to be friends with someone that thinks these things about me. It's just like what Heather said, "Alexis seems to have a strange relationship with the truth." It broke my heart, but my friendship with Alexis just became too draining, unfortunately.
On another note, I am so proud of Heather and her segment on the radio station! I think she spoke very intelligently and was spot on about bullying. I myself have been asked to be involved in some anti-bullying campaigns, as I have openly spoken out about my feelings on this subject. I would like to bring attention to this great cause FriendMovement.com that recently reached out to me to participate in their campaign. I look forward to being a part of this amazing group of people and standing up against something that is very serious in this country.
Now just to clear up a few things. When I confronted Vicki about her making the "my baby" comment I reacted that way because ironically about 15 minutes before they showed up some of the woman were talking about the pictures that she posted with Troy on her facebook page. They were saying how strange the pictures were because it was pictures you would normally see of a mother and child -- not of a grandmother and child. They said she was almost acting like it was her baby. I had not seen those pictures yet and was surprised when the girls were telling me how strange it was to them. So then when Vicki said "my baby" my knee jerk reaction was "Wait did I just hear you say MY baby?" It was almost like it solidified what the woman just minutes before were telling me. I in no way was trying to take away from the excitement of being a grandmother.
Also, lots of you have been tweeting asking me how I feel about the recent comments by newest Housewife Lydia, and so I would like to address some of those. Lots of you asked me why she said I was the coldest to her because that seemed so opposite of who I am; I remember thinking “I don’t remember not being nice to her or treating her poorly when we met.” However sometimes you don’t even realize that you might come across a certain way. But after seeing tonight’s episode I’m even more confused by her comments, because I felt like I was very nice to her when we meet. I even stood up and shook her hand with both of my hands and said “it was very nice to meet her.” So I’m not sure how that came off as cold. Unfortunately, when she was asking the other questions, it was awkward because everyone on her side of the couch was staring at me with evil eyes and judgment, so that is why I kept them short and sweet. I’m sad that it came off as being cold to her.
I was hoping to be able to have more one-on-one time with her after Tamra’s party to discuss these kinds of personal questions and be able to engage more with her, but unfortunately around that time is when things went way downhill for Grayson and I never got that time with Lydia. Since then, I explained to her that it wasn’t anything personal but that I had a lot of things on my plate that had to take priority. She seemed to completely understand, so I was disappointed she is still saying these things.
In her blog she said she doesn’t agree with Slade and my lifestyle, and I’m OK with that. This is the reason the world goes round because we all have different opinions and different ways of living life; however I thought being such a strict Christian she wouldn’t be so quick to judge. Lydia was married at 22 and has only known life with one man and one way of living. I have experienced more than some even do in a whole lifetime by age 31, so obviously my past experiences are going to help define the way I conduct my life and do things today.
Secondly what you missed was that I had just gotten back from New York. I had been with Slade and his son in the hospital for a week-and-a-half and been told that Grayson might not make it. Therefore I was beyond exhausted and honestly had no time for the BS of what was happening that night. It seemed so insignificant compared to what we were dealing with. It was a very difficult time for Slade and I, and it was heartbreaking to see Slade going through this with his child. (This is part of the reason you didn't see a lot of me in these first few episodes and the next few episodes.) This also explains why I seem more removed and not really willing to deal with anyone's bullhonky that night. I live authentically to who I am and what is going on in my life. I don't change who I am in that moment because I think it will make me look better or whatever. The thing I hear the most when I am out and about is that I am so "real" on this show. It is my favorite compliment because even if you don't agree with me or some things I do at least you know I am being true to myself, my beliefs, and don't wavier on that.
With that said I cannot say thank you enough to my fans, your loyal support and for always having my back. I make mistakes and I say and do things on this show that makes me go, "Oh shoot I shouldn't have done that." But you guys are forgiving and always recognize my heart is in the right place, and that means the world to me. You guys truly inspire me everyday to be better, to evaluate myself, and to work hard for everything I have!
The Gretchen Christine Collections are a success due to your ideas and to your loyalty as customers so thank you. Since the airing of the first week of RHOC our limited Pink Collection has completely sold out, except for some iPad and Passport covers! So when the next collection is in be sure to get yours before they completely sell out.
As stated from the inception of Gretchen Christine, my hopes are to expand the line into everything you can find in your closet, so I am most recently excited about my collaboration with Luxe by Lisa Vogel and our new swimwear line together. Many of you are asking where to find it; it's available for pre-order at SwimSpot.com and at all Swimspot Retail stores on June 1! We made this line of swimwear with all body types in mind, so whether you like skimpy to full coverage we have the fashionable suit for you!
We also have a bunch of new products available at Gretchen Christine under my "Bling" section so come check that out at GretchenChristine.com. Every week I have some short of GC Cosmetics on my face, from lashes to lip glosses which can all be found on my website as well.
Remember you can make all your dreams happen with hard work, focus, dedication and drive. I did! Love you guys and many blessings!