Cast Blog: #RHOC

Heather's No Bully

Heather doesn't want to get lumped into the us versus them battle, because she disagrees with how Alexis and Tamra acted.

Let's start with a few comments about our opening scenes. . .

I am so tired of being lumped in with "the other girls," and this whole "us against you" dynamic, like we are on teams. I've always had individual relationships with all of the ladies and continue to do so. Even when Tamra and Vicki were having extreme problems between them, I maintained separate relationships with no problem.

Also, I have never commented on Vicki's surgery or Alexis' for that matter. I've always said they were pretty girls before and are pretty now. Plastic surgery is a personal choice.

KFI Radio show: It was a two-hour show, and I touched on many parenting issues -- bullying being one of them. It is very personal to me, because I have been a victim of bullying. I'm also well versed in the definition. On RHOC, we are grown women on a reality show being paid to give our opinions of each other. More on that later. . .

I was pretty surprised to see Lydia relaying our conversation like that to Alexis. I didn't mention Alexis' ring at the start of our conversation. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't have mentioned Alexis at all, but Lydia kept bringing her up. Also, it wasn't shown, but I told Lydia (based on Lydia's comment that HER ring wasn't her "real" ring) that Alexis wears a fake one and has the real one in the safe at home, not to insinuate that she doesn't have a real ring.

Dinner with Lydia and Doug: This was actually a super fun dinner and we had a great time getting to know Lydia and Doug. The scene at dinner makes the "cover shoot issue" look so awkward, when, in truth, Doug explained how they do their covers and who gets featured on the magazine. We said we completely understood -- no thank you, but thanks for asking. No one had hard feelings and then we moved on...

As a matter of fact, we actually did end up shooting a feature for inside the magazine! When we suddenly and unexpectedly sold our home, I thought it would be nice to have professional pictures taken before we moved out. I called Lydia and asked if I could hire her photographer, she mentioned doing a piece for the magazine and since we were moving out, Terry and I thought it would be great. It was a lot of fun, the pictures are amazing and I'm glad we got to do it. Thanks Lydia, Doug, and Beverly Hills Lifestyle magazine!

Gretchen and Slade: It's just so heartbreaking to hear about Grayson. No parent should ever have to see their child suffer. Grayson is always in our thoughts and prayers.

Tamra and Eddie ...I was shocked to hear that Tamra invited Alexis to her party. The only thing Tamra has heard lately is that Alexis is trying to sue her  I'm not saying they shouldn't sit down at some point and work out their differences. This just doesn't seem like the right place to me. No wonder her stomach is acting up!

The party at C.U.T. Wow! The place looks amazing!!! So does Tamra! Giving out the glasses was so sweet! Love a party favor!

I was giving Alexis the benefit of the doubt as to why she was coming to the party. I had no intention of engaging with her. If you've read my previous blogs, you will know that I was upset with her for my own reasons. So, when I saw her, I was just trying to be appropriate when she walked in. Maybe Alexis should give me a script? Nothing I say is right. What am I supposed to say? I said nice to see you -- it's called being polite. If I had said nothing, I would have been called rude.

It was clearly very awkward while we were all sitting there. Again, there are some of comments from some of the ladies that are perpetuate the "us" and them" situation, which I don't feel is accurate. Vicki and I have always had a nice friendship...And Lydia and I are forming a nice friendship at this point and really enjoy each others company.

When Tamra asked why Alexis came to the dinner, I think she was actually curious. There were a lot of ways Alexis could have answered, however I feel she got very defensive right off the bat. I wish she would have just said, "I just came here to support you." The conversation may have ended there. I was determined not to get involved -- but when Alexis was repeatedly saying "all of YOU," "YOU'RE all ganging up on me again," I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I didn't want to be grouped together again with everyone when I wasn't doing or saying anything!

I felt like Alexis was being aggressive and trying to egg everyone on -- almost a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So, I spoke up, but I feel like its hard to get a word in edgewise with Alexis. She kept talking "at" me instead of "to" me. It was all so juvenile and ridiculous, which is why I resorted to juvenile, ridiculous behavior. This is where I felt Alexis had brought us.

Then after it calmed down, Alexis said she came to the party was because of the last time Vicki "was around YOU GUYS," and again made a sweeping hand gesture to include me. I'm tired of this. I have always been a big supporter of Vicki's. Also, the "last time" Vicki was with everyone was at my clambake. It was a successful evening and ended with Vicki and Tamra taking their first step towards making amends -- so I have no idea what Alexis is talking about.

I thought it was interesting to see the flashback from San Francisco. It was virtually the same scenario as what happened in Costa Rica. So, does that make Alexis a bully? No. And neither am I.

Alexis accuses me of being mean. I feel like she is allowed to say whatever she wants and voice her opinions -- if I do the same, I am mean? It's a conversation, argument, point/counterpoint ... Call it what you want. You can't expect to say your opinions and have everyone else just nod their heads.

Then things got out of control. Look, I understand why Tamra exploded. She felt cornered into inviting Alexis and now, as she feared, things are not going well. The last straw for Tamra was that Alexis wouldn't let me talk at all. I appreciate that as my friend she was outraged on my behalf. Although I appreciate how Tamra felt, I don't agree with how she handled the situation. It was a disproportionate reaction to what was going on at the table. You will have to stay tuned to see what happens next week ...

I also want to say, it's very easy to sit and watch from home and judge all of our actions and reactions. The truth is, you only see part of what's really going on. I thought it was brave of Alexis to come to the dinner, I just thought she should have let someone else talk at the dinner table and turned it into a conversation, rather than a shouting match.

I thought it was admirable of Tamra to allow Alexis at this gathering after what she was saying about her in the media.

Remember, there are three sides to every story. . .your side, my side, and the truth.

Until then....

Send your questions to @OKmagazine and use #OKAskHeather I am answering questions on etiquette, party planning, child rearing, health, and beauty. Ask away!

You can also follow me on Twitter @heatherdubrow. I finally have Instagram! Follow me @heatherdubrow. Check out my website: heatherdubrow.com. Like me on Facebook. I write all of my own posts and am happy to hear from you!

You can also follow my onion ring-loving husband on Twitter @drdubrow. Or check him out at DrDubrow.com.

Read more about:

Lizzie on That Kentucky Fried Nickname

Lizzie weighs in on Tamra's nickname for her -- and opens up about her body issues.

We have finally made it to the Reunion and I am happy to say I survived my first season of Housewives. . .Well almost. Next week is Part 2 of the Reunion and I have to admit I pretty much left in tears. I am not a large part of this week’s reunion, but I would like to take this week’s blog and focus on female bullying and body image. As women, I think it is our job to build each other up. We are all mothers, sisters, and daughters. There are so many body image issues among young women and I write this blog for any woman who has had insecurities about her body. If it talks to any of you than it will not have been a waste of time.

I am sure everyone is aware of Tamra's nickname for me, "Kentucky Fried Titties." When I first heard her call me this I thought, "Nah, I won’t even give it energy."  It really is trashy and frankly low-class. However, it was a trigger for me and it really touched on something that I had been self conscious of for my entire life. It sounded exactly like the pre-pubescent boys in my middle school P.E. class. "Hey Lizzie, can I get some fries with that shake." The girls would snicker, "Lizzie's sprouting!!" I grew up hearing a lot of derogatory names targeted at my large chest. I was the girl in fourth and fifth grade that cried when friends had pool parties and wore T-shirts over my swimsuit to cover up my chest. My mom's friends would laugh and say, "One day you will love your assets." But I was always self-conscious.

I grew up dancing and cheerleading and finding uniforms and dance recital costumes was always such a struggle for me. I literally thought about quitting just because of my boobs -- I was so self-conscious and embarrassed. Thank goodness I have such a loving mother that made me feel so much more important than that and didn't let me walk away from something I loved because of body image issues. Even when I started competing in beauty pageants the swimsuit competition was a big thing for me to over come. Some mothers assumed my mom bought me implants at 15. My boobs have always been "up for discussion." At Miss Teen USA, I had to have a special seamstress come in and sew cups in my BodyGlove competition suit because I was bouncing all over when I walked. When I competed in Miss USA, I also had to call in a special seamstress to alter my competition bikini top so it fit my little back and large chest. And, as many of you naturally larger chested women know; real boobs do not "stay put." After I moved to Los Angeles to pursue an acting career I found myself victim to my large chest yet again. I would only be called in for "Hot Girl #2" and roles like that. How could anyone take me seriously with these 34DDD natural boobs at age 21? I had a college degree. I graduated top of my class, I was so much more than "Hot Girl #2", or so I thought.

photo%201.png

At age 23, I couldn’t take it anymore, I cried enough over being insecure about my body. It was time to do something about it. I talked to my mom and she took me for my first breast reduction. It was the best thing I ever did. I felt free! It felt so great to go swimsuit shopping and to buy dresses that I didn't have to wear a minimizing bra with! I can honestly say it was the best thing I could have done for myself. I am 5'7" and I always had boobs, so one thing I didn't want to do is get rid of them completely. I still wanted to feel like me and keep some of my natural curves. Perhaps going 34D wasn't small enough or maybe I just have incredible growing breast tissue. Whatever the case, my boobs were huge again six years later. I decided to have another breast reduction right before my wedding. I was the perfect size. Not too big and not too small. . .and then I had kids. So, now I have very large boobs again. I will probably get another reduction when I am done having children, but we want more kids so now is not the time. I guess God wants me to have big boobs! So, excuse me everyone for finally embracing my body.

I know some of you are probably thinking, "Oh poor Lizzie and her big boobs." But it was a real thing to me and I think as women we all struggle with insecurities. We have all struggled with body image issues at least one time in our lives. I have always been a big believer in beauty shining from within. Think about it. How many people do you know that have such beautiful personalities that it shines through and makes me them even more gorgeous human beings? How easy is it to overlook an attractive person who is mean and ugly inside? People start looking like their personalities sooner or later.

How does all this translate into adult female relationships? I think there are many similarities. I think it has a lot to do with self-esteem, acceptance, and respect for others.

I am sure there are tons of people that applaud Tamra for her name calling of me, or of Alexis when Tamra coined the term "Jesus Jugs." I see nothing more than a 47-year-old bully when I see Tamra. I see bullying. Tamra didn't just call me a name in a fit of anger. She made up the name and announced in her interview. Later, she announced on Watch What Happens Live. My question is why? Why is she so proud of this name? (Which, I have to be honest, I have heard before, it’s not even original.) What kind of message does this send to young women? I don't have girls, but I have nieces and I would never want to teach them to be "mean girls." This may seem trite, but I always felt sorry for the bully. Why do they act like that? It always seemed like bullies have a difficult time connecting with people in meaningful ways and thus use relationships for manipulation. Look, if we can put someone on TV and afford them fortune and fame for being a bully, we are exalting that poor behavior, and sadly we as a society give it life.

Follow Sun Kitten Swimwear on Instagram and Facebook (@sunkittenswimwear) and Twitter @sunkittenswim

Follow me on InstagramTwitter, and Facebook (@LizzieRovsek)!

Read more about: