Housewives on the Clam Shell
Ep 1: Bravotv.com's Editor tries grasp the concept of Briana having a baby and of Vicki and Tamra at odds.
Hello Orange County lovers! The original has returned to us, in all its juicy, sun-kissed form. I'm so happy to see our original Wives shining faces (even if some of them have changed). Let us begin by seeing what our ladies have been doing since we last saw them being nearly devoured by birds at the Reunion.
Vicki Gunvalson Movers
We start with Vicki, who is trying to get her house ready for baby. Yes, Briana, Ryan, and the babe are bunking up at Casa da Gunvalson. And so Vicki does her best to lift a couch while still drinking wine. A woman after my own heart. Don't let heavy lifting distract you from heavy drinking!
Besides renovating her home (and ridding it of both Donn and Brooks), she's done a little bit of remodeling on her face. Now, according to Vicki, the only Muppet-resemblance is that she feels like part of it still doesn't move. Let's see if that new visage can net her a less dramatic man now that's she done with Brooks (or so she says, apparently some are not so convinced).
All Clammed Up
Meanwhile, it's not pig but crustaceans that Heather is occupying herself with. Heather is having a party sans Alexis and sans onion rings (despite Terry's protests). While Heather has managed to keep Alexis' negative energy from the house, she wants to be sure to keep Brooks' energy out of her abode as well. Hopefully this party will have far less screaming and need for security than her big name-changing festivus from last season. Thankfully her security detail will be at the ready, just in case.
Speaking of good house energy, Tamra and Eddie are settling into living together. Tamra, being the headstrong gal that she is, is less than pleased with Eddie's particular ways with the house. If she wants to keep her shoes on lighten up the dark walls, she's going to do it. Don't you doubt that Eddie! Hopefully these are just growing pains, and not some major lightbulb leaving on issue. I'd hate to see these lovebirds fall apart because of a new washer and dryer.
Baby on Board
And then the darndest thing happens -- Briana has a baby. If you, like me, have watched B grow up before your eyes on the show, you probably got a little misty -- particularly when her labor was so difficult. I just wanted that sweet little baby to come out! Just let Briana be a mom already guys!
And then Troy finally appeared! IHe's such a little stud! Woo Hoo for babies!
It was a little heart-breaking to see that Tamra was getting the news from Heather. Yes, sadly the break didn't do anything to smooth over their evil eye kerfuffle. At least Tamra has Gretchen to drink champagne and shop with. Remember when no one thought that would happen? Perhaps this whole group can mend fences before too long.
Besides just babies, people were learning to do all sorts growing and learing -- like learning making coffee. Yes, Gretchen is now taking applications for new bitches because Slade has a real job! Hoorah! This makes Gretchen's biz a little tricky, but if that's what happens it must be. As long as he has a phone at his desk, she can still check in and make coffee so she has the power to run her business on her own.
On the opposite side of the coin, Alexis is cutting back on work and focusing on her family and getting Jim to use more clothed artwork in their new home. Also new with Alexis: she's got a kickin' short do. And those free locks are helping her to feel free of the bullying leveled at her last season. (Granted, Gretchen and Tamra don't think the term bullying exactly applies.) Jim and Alexis have a pep talk in the wake of her uninvite to Heather's party. Who needs clams? As long as the group is clumped against her, she's not throwing herself to the wolves again. Who needs those gals?
But even with Alexis gone, there's still drama with the seating arrangements. The first problem is: is Heather's chair grand enough? Seriously, her throne was ridic. It's one sword away from the 'Game of Thrones' seat.
No, the real problem was would Vicki and Tamra be able to sit across from each other incident-free. Both ladies had jitters. Vicki was nervous about attending her first event single (and with a bit of a post-surgical face). While Tamra was just fearful of the element of surprise. But thankfully, when she arrives at the ham-off, er, clambake in her matching outfit with Gretchen security gives her a pass. But the question is will Vicki get through the ladies' stop and frisk when it comes to her relationship with Brooks?
We'll have to wait until next week to see exactly how this all plays out. What do you think? Will these two besties be able to mend their friendship? Will Lydia be accepted in the group? Will everyone's eyeballs stay intact? Leave your guesses about all future dramas in the comments!