All I can say is: "OMG -- Bad hair day" at Heather's party! And what the heck was I doing filming right after surgery? I really looked rough! Ugh that was hard to see now that it's almost six months ago.
The continuation of Heather's clambake was this week's episode. I think Heather put Tamra and I across from each other in hopes that we would take the time to at least break the ice and talk to each other. It had been nine months since I had seen or spoken to Tamra, and, although I knew it would be uncomfortable, it was time we finally talked. I missed Tamra and really feel awful on how we ended our friendship at the end of last year. It was good talking to her in the wine cellar and I'm hopeful it's the start of healing and mending the hurt that happened to both of us.
It's definitely been a really rough year for me, and that I can't deny. I tried to not burden anyone with my problems, and it's hard to hear some of them talk so nasty about me. If I did share everything I was going through, it would have fallen on deaf ears or they would hold it against me and so my thought was to just keep it inside and not "go there." I wasn't looking for any attention by having my surgery, I was looking for an improvement. My doctor actually said that no matter who you are, we all could use a little "tweak" here at there. I was at the point in my life, where I figured "What the heck. . .why not?"
One of the ladies had said that I had my surgery done for sympathy or attention. It was actually done for ME. It was done nothing more than to try and improve my looks -- no different than renovating anything else. People do it all the time. But, unfortunately, mine was done too close to the show starting, and I was very swollen. In hindsight, I shouldn't have done it so close to our start of the season. I don't like the way I looked in the first several months of filming and am quite embarrassed about it.