It's especially difficult to watch these episodes that are about my marriage. It was hard enough to go through as we were filming, but as I watch again, I am basically reliving it. While some of it is positive, some of it is not.
I am glad that you get to see David and I packing for Mexico. There is a sweet moment in my dressing room where I giggle when David hugs me. When David and I are connected, sometimes I act like a little kid and get giddy around him because I am still so in love with him. I am really looking forward to going on the trip and starting to initiate different approaches to my relationship because the ones I have been using have been failing miserably.
I was very disappointed to see Heather and her assistant talking about me and suggesting that I "stir it up." I never have a hidden agenda to cause trouble. If Heather feels that people are going against her, I have nothing to do with it. I don't make decisions for other people or try to manipulate them.
Mexico had its ups and downs, but the ups definitely came out on top! David had never been to Puerto Vallarta so I was so excited to share it with him. Vicki's condo was beautiful and the view was breathtaking! David and I have never stayed in a condominium with anyone other than our immediate family so this was definitely going to be a different type of trip for us! We were very appreciative of the invitation! When Vicki showed me to our room, I wasn't as concerned about the size as I was about the noise. I am a very light sleeper and the bedroom window was right next to the highway; every time a bus or a motorcycle went by, it sounded like it was in the room. We travel with a noise machine, but that didn't even drown it out and David and I were up most of the night!
David and I felt uncomfortable about suggesting that we move to a hotel because we never want to offend anyone, especially someone that is showing us such amazing hospitality! I'm glad you get to see David and I in a lighter moment again as we laugh about the situation. We we're very grateful that Billy offered to switch rooms with us!
The Garza Blanca is a beautiful hotel! It was so much fun riding the jet skis. I was half terrified, half ecstatic! David loves to be a jokester and you can see that as he starts to tip the jet ski! I have been terrified of the water since I saw Jaws as a kid!
I am not going to lie and say it doesn't hurt when David hesitates answering whether he enjoys spending time with me. But I do appreciate his honesty. If I want our relationship to work, I have to listen and hope that he continues to be open about how he feels.
I am not a fan of women smoking cigars and you will never see me with one. But everyone is entitled to their own opinion. If Vicki likes to smoke, then more power to her! (Just not around me!)
Vicki is always a great person to talk to. She was incredibly supportive as I told her about my issues with Tamra and Heather. She has had her own problems with Tamra so I know she can relate to what I am going through. I have been getting some backlash with some semantics issues. To me, the words "We're done. Please leave," coupled with a finger pointed to the door is the equivalent of being kicked out. Once again, if you don't agree, I respect that and you are entitled to your opinion.
And now to the worst part of the episode. Prior to Mexico, David and I had our fair share of conversations about tequila. I was a bit shocked about his newly acquired taste for tequila because he rarely drinks, and never drinks straight alcohol. He explained to me why he likes it and the conversation was done. At dinner, I was just telling everyone that tequila was David's new drink. In my head, it was my way of affirming him. I had no ill will or hidden agenda by making the statement. I was completely misunderstood by David and Vicki (and probably all the others) so I was frustrated. I don't want to make excuses for my behavior because once again, it was wrong. I'm just trying to explain.
At this point, I have basically reached my limit with people chiming in with their opinions about my relationship. You are seeing little snips of my life. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. I understand that I am opening myself up to criticism by being on this show and I really am okay with it. It's just that some days are harder than others.
Stay tuned! I have even more drama to come!