Be Your Own Hero

Find out why Stacy considered leaving this week and what inspired her to stay. 

This week has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. People who I thought were my friends and my support turned on me, and it felt like everyone around me had discounted me as a weak addition to the group who was half-assing the workouts. To make matters worse my weight loss this week was less than stellar, which fueled the negative fire from others as well as myself.

I came so close to ending my Thintervention this week because it's hard enough to lose weight, but add my PCOS and the complete lack of support from pretty much everyone else in the group, and you have an almost toxic mix.

The most frustrating thing is that no one really cares about my PCOS or how completely frustrating it is. I worked my ass off this week! I worked out harder then I ever have before in my entire life and it still wasn't enough. To top it off I have to sit through two dinners and discover that the people I had come to care for and support could really care less about me and have no real desire to get to know me.

For 10 years I have been in and out of every doctor's office to try and take care of my PCOS and none of them could give me a straight answer. I was always told, "We just don't know enough about it," and "You have to get this weight off, but having PCOS is going to make that next to impossible." Eating cupcakes and pizza certainly didn't help matters, but that seems to be the only thing that people see with my condition because they would rather mock it than understand it.

I felt so alone  this week and I think it's a blessing in disguise as crazy as that sounds. It helped me really look at myself, and how I got to this point, and how I was behaving towards others as well as myself. I had to delve deeper into my condition and figure out how I was going to take control of it and prove everyone wrong.

The more difficult thing I had to do was confront a family issue that has plagued me for most of my life and has caused a huge problem within my family. It's so much easier to stuff an emotion down with a doughnut than it is to confront it head on. I know that somewhere in her heart my Grandmother loves me, but it's not healthy and it's not unconditional. I was the least favored grandchild and any praise (if ever) I would receive from her would be immediately followed by what was wrong with me.

I wish things were different. I wish that my grandmother wouldn't feed me sweets and then say as I was eating them, "You really shouldn't eat that, you'll get fat." I wish I could make everyone in my family happy and not be the source of discord and distress. I can't change who I am, and I wouldn't. I am an amazing friend, daughter, and young woman. I have had severe body image issues because for the longest time I connected them to familial acceptance, and I never confronted it until now.

It's never too late to change. To be your own hero. I take full responsibility for where I am, and it's with that responsibility that I can take charge of my change too.

If you have PCOS, know that you are not alone. You might be at a dinner like I was and get teased and taunted because people around you don't want to take the time to know about this disorder, but there is hope. People fear what they don't know or understand, and they are more concerned with their ego or being the life of the party than being a true support, and I refuse to get down to that low level because it doesn't serve me at all.

Don't get me wrong, I think that life is a party! Some parties, as we all know, are better than others and this week was a testament to that. Now after having a week of complete emotional upheaval and break through I am ready for the parties to start getting good again. Get the streamers and party hats ready!

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, But Not Goodbye

Bryan thanks the many people involved in his 'Thintervention' experience.

What an incredible journey this has been. There are so many words that come to mind when I reflect on the past 13 weeks. At times the process was overwhelming, frustrating, challenging, inspiring, hilarious, painful, intense, sweaty, but at the end of the day, the experience for me was life changing. I got to learn so much about myself along the way and made some amazing friends throughout the process. It was interesting to watch everyone's journey package on the finale and see how we all dealt with our time away from Jackie.

I found Shay's honesty in coming clean with Jackie and Dr. Ramani incredibly brave, I think Joe turned a major corner, Jeana found the strength to stand up for herself, Stacy fought like a champion, Nikki figured out a way to incorporate Jackie's program into her lifestyle, and Mandy knocked it out of the park. I was tremendously proud of everyone at the finale for all of the hard work and hurdles we each had to overcome. And Jackie was right; it wasn't just about a number on the scale but how each of us now relates to food, and how we have been able to incorporate exercise into our daily lives.

However, none of this would have been possible to achieve had it not been for the following kindhearted, motivational, and inspiring teachers: 

I really gained a lot of respect for Dr. Ramani when she first opened up and told us that she also struggled with food. I appreciated her courage and I quickly came to realize that she could honestly relate to our battle. We could not have asked for a better role model than this articulate, intelligent, and beautiful woman. To be able to talk to someone on a weekly basis that has walked a mile in my shoes was immensely valuable to me. Dr. Ramani truly understood food addiction and was instrumental in helping me turn my life around. She taught me that it was okay to express my pain and not hold on to my secrets. She taught me that honesty could really be rewarding. She taught me how to view food as a friend not an enemy. I am humbled by her story and blessed by her wisdom.

Craig might be one of the kindest, foxiest, and most knowledgeable trainers for men that I have ever met. In those 6 weeks away from Jackie, Craig pushed me harder then anyone I have ever met. There were days when I just wanted to say, "ENOUGH ALREADY," and throw in the towel. Thankfully, Craig taught me how to push myself to intensity. He taught me "the ropes of the gym" and how to workout in the future on my own. He also taught me about self worth and self esteem. Craig talked me off the ledge many a day, and I will forever be indebted to this man. He is not only beautiful on the outside but also just as beautiful on the inside.

Then we have the woman who made it all possible: Jackie, or Herr Warner as I affectionately like to call her. My first impression of Jackie was that she was going to be incredibly tough and that I was going to have some type of screaming match with her, where only one of us would walk away alive. (*Note, never mess with a hungry, cranky queen.) I did loose my cool with her once, but it wasn't because of something she did, it was more with me just being uncomfortable and in pain and just wanting to "finish the f------ workout." Jackie is an AMAZING teacher. She is the Mrs. Miyagi of the fitness world. She taught me how to dig deep and push through the burn. She taught me that cookies were pain. She taught me how to connect mind, body, and spirit. She taught me how to call on Ethel when I truly needed her. She taught me how to wax on and wax off … oh wait, scratch that. Most of all she taught me how to take responsibility and live a better, healthier lifestyle. Jackie not only changed my life, she SAVED my life. I will never be able to truly thank her enough for allowing me to go on this journey. It was the most rewarding experience of my life so far. 

Then there is the love of my life, Miguel. He has been a thoughtful, generous, selfless, benevolent, caring, beautiful, loving and most importantly, the best teacher that I have ever met. He taught me to love myself in spite of my faults. He taught me the importance of standing by someone's side through the good and the bad no matter what. He taught me the importance of self worth. He taught me about patience. He taught me about love. I feel the same way now as I did those 7 ½ years ago when I first laid eyes on him, incredibly blessed and fortunate to have found my soul mate. I appreciate that he never gave up on me, and I am honored to spend the rest of my days growing old with him.

Last but not least, there are the fans. "You" who read the blogs and have taught me encouragement. "You" who watch the show and have taught me that I am not alone in this journey. "You" who have taught me that one person can make a small difference in someone else's life. "You" who have made me want to become a better person. I thank all of "you" for your constant words of motivation and support. While this might be my last blog for Thintervention and Bravo, this will not be the last you hear or see of me. 

1) Follow me on TWITTER @BRYANTDONOVAN. Everyday I will be tweeting about my journey after the show, what I continue to learn, what challenges me, and just life in general. And if you like my humor, this is where you want to be!

2) Become a fan of BRYAN T DONOVAN - THINTERVENTION WITH JACKIE WARNER on FACEBOOK. I use this fan page to connect with everyone and engage in all sorts of conversations, share my reflections and lessons, answer your questions, share ideas, and really just have a forum for all of us to support each other and stay connected! I love sharing pictures as well! 

 3) Check out my website at www.bryantdonovan.com.

With a humbled heart and immense gratitude-

Xoxo Bryan