Therapy and Weigh In this week was very insightful. I know for me, self-deprecation is the easiest way to deflect when you are overweight, beating others to the punch, etc. It's much easier to make fun of the elephant in the room (literally) especially if that elephant is you. I think that is true for most overweight people. It's been a survival tool for many of us. Nikki is one of the most self-deprecating people I have ever met (next to me of course) and it was incredibly powerful to catch a glimpse of that hurt child inside of her during therapy. It really humanized her. I felt like it was the only time that I saw an actual person instead of all the affectations that she constantly displays.
I was also really able to relate to Joe's childhood – I too came from a broken home and had little time with my father. While Joe had the pleasure of sharing burgers with his dad in a nice park, I had the pleasure of growing up watching my father get hammered at the local neighborhood bar.
At the end of the day, my heart really broke for Jeana when she started to open up. Jeana is a beautiful woman, with a kind heart, but she is NEVER truly present in therapy and I have no idea of who she is. There seems to be this constant need for her to want a man in her life and for that man to have money. It just seems so shallow. I mean yes, whomever you date should have a job, but there is so much more to a relationship. Like someone treating you with kindness and respect and love. Material things cannot make you happy. It is clear to me that Jeana has a giant heart and knows how to show love to everyone around her, yet she doesn't know how to turn that love inward towards herself. I think in some way we all share that issue, or else we all wouldn't be sitting in this room. Her story really resonated with me the most. You cannot love someone fully, until you love yourself.