So what have I actually learned this week? 1) I have to push myself to intensity and fatigue to get a good burn. 2) Diva is a four-letter word but is NOT spelled S.H.A.Y. 3) Never bring your "Chef" and "Driver" to someone else's dinner party and if you do- please do me the favor and introduce him as your "Cheriver". 4) If someone asks you to not interrupt them while they are speaking, don't interrupt them…unless of course you are a diva and can hit a high C-. Then by all means, sing away like a canary. 5) Running the bleachers at the Rose Bowl made me limp for several days and fall in love with Vicodin. 6) If you can survive dinner with three "catty mad cows" then welcome to the club. 7) Never talk to a child like Stacy's grandma did or it will leave you in a pool of Stacy's tears. 8) Most importantly and all jokes aside - I need to learn how to truly love my inner child. Sounds kind of corny and hokey, but it was an incredibly powerful lesson. Jackie and Dr. Ramani were right, I would never tell a child they were ugly or fat or not worthy. So the key right now is to really learn how to love myself. And take care of myself. Put myself first for a change. It's the only way to begin the process of healing and setting myself free of all the bs baggage that I carry around, physically and mentally.
I am immensely grateful for these tools, and they have really made me rethink how I perceive the world and those around me. The only way I can create change in myself is to really focus and push through the pain. I have to stop beating myself up for all the mistakes that I have made in the past and figure out a way to nurture that little boy inside. And to know that I am not alone in this group is extremely helpful. We may all come from different backgrounds: race, creed, age, gender - but we all share the same issue of not fully loving ourselves and putting our needs first. Well, here's to a new beginning and may the healing begin for all of us.