Jackie Warner vs. The People

Bryan gives us a judicial take on this week's episode. Court is in session!

 

The recently coined "Moo-nificent 7," a group of participants on Bravo's Thintervention with Jackie Warner, were indicted last week on multiple counts of perjury and misconduct of food and exercise. All seven pled not guilty. The suspects sat motionless and stone faced inside a tense therapy room this past Monday as the judge handed down the verdict. 

The trial has garnered nationwide attention, due to former Real Housewives of Orange County's Jeana Keough and her large fan base. Jeana was charged and convicted on several counts including five weeks worth of perjury, abduction of the real Jeana Keough and replacement of a Stepford replica, and an additional weight gain of one pound. "She has a lot of support from viewers, I just hope that someone can break through to her," an unidentified source added. Jeana will be packing her overnight bag and heading north to Los Angeles where she will be serving her sentence under house arrest in West Hollywood with Bryan and Miguel starting on Tuesday.

Prosecutors felt they had Stacy's conviction in the bag from the beginning. "The most damning piece of evidence was when Stacy took the witness stand," said the prosecution. Stacy's attack of Jackie "The Jackass" Warner did not go over well with jurors. "Watching the evidence played back of her excessive verbal diarrhea and leaky tear ducts just seemed over-rehearsed," said juror Florence Puttenmeyer. Stacy was charged and convicted on two counts of perjury and as well as one count of attempted homicide by boredom on a date. A gag order has been placed on Stacy, which her lawyers will most definitely appeal.

The Judge commented on Nikki's manicure before handing down the guilty verdict. "If you have time to get your nails minxed, you certainly have time to workout!" quipped Judge Hendricks. When Nikki took the stand during the trial, a hush fell over the room. District Attorney Ramani fired question after question ending with "How many cocktails did you have this week? Answer the question." Ms. Wood looked vaguely amused at the accusation and quickly responded, "I actually don't know." That was enough to convince the jury that they had their verdict. Nikki sat in disbelief as she was convicted of perjury and over 22 counts of pickling her liver. Experts are not sure of the psychological damage caused this week with Nikki's stunning two pound weight gain, but believe her sentence may be just the thing she needs. Ms. Wood took a reduced sentence by agreeing to be admitted to MERC in Calabasas. "The Mandy Ellen Recovery Camp is an amazing facility, and is exactly what she needs at this point," said Bedd E. Fohard, a licensed professional. Jackie Warner had this to add, "The number one reason Nikki failed this week is because of the alcohol, period." Ms. Wood has filed a suit against Ms. Warner on several counts including breaking and entering, stalking, loitering, and trespassing. No word if any of these charges will even be permissible in a federal court of law.

Hair stylist Fritz Helmut believed his client, Shay would be found innocent and was outraged that Shay was convicted on several counts of perjury as well as four counts of indecent hair exposure. Shay could not be reached for comment.

Joe was cleared on all counts of perjury but was charged with several other counts including terrorism upon the fashion community, disorderly conduct of whining for one on one time with Jackie Warner and aggressive lack of empathy and compassion towards all women and has been court ordered to undergo intensive sensitivity training.

Mandy, was also cleared of all charges and parties on both sides agreed that somehow this mother of five happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The judge felt that she was a positive role model and Mandy was released back into high society.

Bryan was found not guilty on all counts of perjury but was sited with excessive language and verbally threatening Jackie Warner during the MMA workout. Bryan's outlandish claims of a woman named Ethel, "Blowing in like a twister straight out of Kansas and lashing out at Jackie" seemed somewhat fabricated as no witness ever appeared on his defense. His lack of enthusiasm for the workout and accusations of Dojo employees being "Kinda gay for enjoying balls on their chins" struck a nerve with the jury. Bryan's claim however, of being gay bashed in high school along with losing six pounds this week certainly helped in his conviction being overturned. Bryan had this to say after his win in court. "I really didn't get to go into much detail about my attack in high school so I wanted to set the records straight today. I had been having a "special" relationship with a fellow student for a few years in junior high and into high school. Until one day, something inside of him snapped. He waited in front of my house until my stepfather had left to run a quick errand and then decided to approach my front door. He rang the bell and when I answered, he sucker punched me in the face. The blow was so hard that my teeth went through my lip and my nose was broken. He threatened that if I ever tried to make any type of contact with him again, even glance his way in the hallway, he would beat the s#*$ out of me in front of the entire school.  When my stepfather returned from the corner store about 5 minutes later, I quickly made up a lie and said that I had tripped trying to answer the phone and my face slammed into the counter. I was lucky my stepfather bought my story that day, because I was not equipped at that time with the proper tools to have dealt with the reality of the situation. I kept my mouth shut and avoided any and all contact with this boy and lived in fear my entire high school career." Jackie Warner had this to say after hearing of the story and of his aggressive behavior during the MMA workout, "Bryan was bullied. I can understand that now. That makes total sense to me, as it didn't before."

After the trial, the seven were given a chance to address the court, and only Joe took the opportunity to lash out as his fellow cast mates. "Coming in here and lying to all of us I don't think it's fair to the people who are trying, who are progressing to have to listen to that bullshit for 5 weeks. Cut it out."

The prosecution held a press conference immediately following the verdict and Jackie Warner stated, "It is very clear now. I see very clearly what's going on with the people that are succeeding and what's going on with the people that are failing." When asked for a reaction on Jackie's comment, Bryan's lawyer released the following statement: "Mr. Donovan is taking the program very seriously and believes that if you truly put in the effort and hard work, results will pay off. The most important key in this process is honesty, which he believes is what Jackie Warner was trying to get it this week. Being honest with yourself and others might be the most important lesson Bryan has taken away from the program, thus far. He will continue to reach out to others and be as supportive as possible. Mr. Donovan supports Jackie's program and looks forward to continuing his journey."

 

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So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, But Not Goodbye

Bryan thanks the many people involved in his 'Thintervention' experience.

What an incredible journey this has been. There are so many words that come to mind when I reflect on the past 13 weeks. At times the process was overwhelming, frustrating, challenging, inspiring, hilarious, painful, intense, sweaty, but at the end of the day, the experience for me was life changing. I got to learn so much about myself along the way and made some amazing friends throughout the process. It was interesting to watch everyone's journey package on the finale and see how we all dealt with our time away from Jackie.

I found Shay's honesty in coming clean with Jackie and Dr. Ramani incredibly brave, I think Joe turned a major corner, Jeana found the strength to stand up for herself, Stacy fought like a champion, Nikki figured out a way to incorporate Jackie's program into her lifestyle, and Mandy knocked it out of the park. I was tremendously proud of everyone at the finale for all of the hard work and hurdles we each had to overcome. And Jackie was right; it wasn't just about a number on the scale but how each of us now relates to food, and how we have been able to incorporate exercise into our daily lives.

However, none of this would have been possible to achieve had it not been for the following kindhearted, motivational, and inspiring teachers: 

I really gained a lot of respect for Dr. Ramani when she first opened up and told us that she also struggled with food. I appreciated her courage and I quickly came to realize that she could honestly relate to our battle. We could not have asked for a better role model than this articulate, intelligent, and beautiful woman. To be able to talk to someone on a weekly basis that has walked a mile in my shoes was immensely valuable to me. Dr. Ramani truly understood food addiction and was instrumental in helping me turn my life around. She taught me that it was okay to express my pain and not hold on to my secrets. She taught me that honesty could really be rewarding. She taught me how to view food as a friend not an enemy. I am humbled by her story and blessed by her wisdom.

Craig might be one of the kindest, foxiest, and most knowledgeable trainers for men that I have ever met. In those 6 weeks away from Jackie, Craig pushed me harder then anyone I have ever met. There were days when I just wanted to say, "ENOUGH ALREADY," and throw in the towel. Thankfully, Craig taught me how to push myself to intensity. He taught me "the ropes of the gym" and how to workout in the future on my own. He also taught me about self worth and self esteem. Craig talked me off the ledge many a day, and I will forever be indebted to this man. He is not only beautiful on the outside but also just as beautiful on the inside.

Then we have the woman who made it all possible: Jackie, or Herr Warner as I affectionately like to call her. My first impression of Jackie was that she was going to be incredibly tough and that I was going to have some type of screaming match with her, where only one of us would walk away alive. (*Note, never mess with a hungry, cranky queen.) I did loose my cool with her once, but it wasn't because of something she did, it was more with me just being uncomfortable and in pain and just wanting to "finish the f------ workout." Jackie is an AMAZING teacher. She is the Mrs. Miyagi of the fitness world. She taught me how to dig deep and push through the burn. She taught me that cookies were pain. She taught me how to connect mind, body, and spirit. She taught me how to call on Ethel when I truly needed her. She taught me how to wax on and wax off … oh wait, scratch that. Most of all she taught me how to take responsibility and live a better, healthier lifestyle. Jackie not only changed my life, she SAVED my life. I will never be able to truly thank her enough for allowing me to go on this journey. It was the most rewarding experience of my life so far. 

Then there is the love of my life, Miguel. He has been a thoughtful, generous, selfless, benevolent, caring, beautiful, loving and most importantly, the best teacher that I have ever met. He taught me to love myself in spite of my faults. He taught me the importance of standing by someone's side through the good and the bad no matter what. He taught me the importance of self worth. He taught me about patience. He taught me about love. I feel the same way now as I did those 7 ½ years ago when I first laid eyes on him, incredibly blessed and fortunate to have found my soul mate. I appreciate that he never gave up on me, and I am honored to spend the rest of my days growing old with him.

Last but not least, there are the fans. "You" who read the blogs and have taught me encouragement. "You" who watch the show and have taught me that I am not alone in this journey. "You" who have taught me that one person can make a small difference in someone else's life. "You" who have made me want to become a better person. I thank all of "you" for your constant words of motivation and support. While this might be my last blog for Thintervention and Bravo, this will not be the last you hear or see of me. 

1) Follow me on TWITTER @BRYANTDONOVAN. Everyday I will be tweeting about my journey after the show, what I continue to learn, what challenges me, and just life in general. And if you like my humor, this is where you want to be!

2) Become a fan of BRYAN T DONOVAN - THINTERVENTION WITH JACKIE WARNER on FACEBOOK. I use this fan page to connect with everyone and engage in all sorts of conversations, share my reflections and lessons, answer your questions, share ideas, and really just have a forum for all of us to support each other and stay connected! I love sharing pictures as well! 

 3) Check out my website at www.bryantdonovan.com.

With a humbled heart and immense gratitude-

Xoxo Bryan

 

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