I felt so alone this week and I think it's a blessing in disguise as crazy as that sounds. It helped me really look at myself, and how I got to this point, and how I was behaving towards others as well as myself. I had to delve deeper into my condition and figure out how I was going to take control of it and prove everyone wrong.
The more difficult thing I had to do was confront a family issue that has plagued me for most of my life and has caused a huge problem within my family. It's so much easier to stuff an emotion down with a doughnut than it is to confront it head on. I know that somewhere in her heart my Grandmother loves me, but it's not healthy and it's not unconditional. I was the least favored grandchild and any praise (if ever) I would receive from her would be immediately followed by what was wrong with me.
I wish things were different. I wish that my grandmother wouldn't feed me sweets and then say as I was eating them, "You really shouldn't eat that, you'll get fat." I wish I could make everyone in my family happy and not be the source of discord and distress. I can't change who I am, and I wouldn't. I am an amazing friend, daughter, and young woman. I have had severe body image issues because for the longest time I connected them to familial acceptance, and I never confronted it until now.