Air kisses seem like the most appropriate salutation in light of this week’s Real Housewife and Beverly Hills-themed episode, but me, I generally prefer something more robust. So, ahoy, SweeTarts, and a heartfelt welcome to Week Three of Top Chef: Just Desserts!

I’m not gonna lie: watching this episode, maybe especially because I wasn’t there for the back-story, I found myself asking a lot of questions. Yes, I shouted them out loud at the TV, as if Johnny, Gail, or Hubert would hear me and take a break from the cacophony of the competition to offer clarity. (I was hoping it would be Hubert who answered, of course, because everything he says makes perfect sense.) Since somehow that didn’t happen, and I think a lot of us are wondering about the same things, I thought it would be helpful for me to share these puzzles and see if the answers reveal themselves.  And if there’s something on your mind I didn’t cover, please leave a comment, and we’ll discuss. 

For instance…

Is Hugh Acheson as mean as some of the contestants think he is? While I’ve never met him in the flesh, Hugh is a great Southern (but Canadian!) talent and is known for his dry but wickedly funny sense of humor. And for his underlying good nature. I think sometimes that type of wittiness can be mistaken as harsher or sharper than the person intended.

Should pancakes be turned into a gum flavor? You know, when I go in for gum, it’s strictly the mint variety, or maybe cinnamon once in a blue moon if I’m feeling frisky, so I’m not as into all the modern advances in the gum sciences as so many other people are. But, I think the Extra Dessert Delights Quickfire was a really fun and important one, because gum fanatics across the country are known to race to the store for the newest flavor — it’s like a cult. Immunity awaited the winner; and most importantly, 25 thousand smackaroos were at stake! Craig’s strawberry, lemon, and marscapone pancakes certainly seemed to hit the mark for straightforward simplicity, which seems most important in translating traditional desserts into other mediums. I’ve always liked coffee-flavored candies, so I can see how Melissa’s idea was not as weird for gum as some thought. Carlos seemed to be the only chef to consider a texture translating directly to the gum, which was smart. He should invent bursting-tapioca bubble gum and get a patent immediately!

Were those the most precious little doll-sized dessert vessels ever in the history of dessert or miniature living? Yes, yes they were.