According to the purists, the best wrestling match ever, and I mean real professional wrestling (not that Olympic stuff), was “Nature Boy” Ric Flair vs Ricky, “the Dragon” Steamboat in 1989, to settle the NWA title. Long story short, Flair won and then got a beat down from his arch nemesis while walking to the locker room after the match. The essence of the bout was clear: two leotarded men faced off in the ring and one took more chances to win that title. Seize the day and all that.

In our culinary cage match this evening we have the very classic Kerry (Curtis uses the line “classical trained, maestro of modern American cuisine”!!! Wowza.) versus the season favorite Chris “the Spirited Savant” Cosentino. Somebody was on happy drugs when they wrote Curtis’ lines. No exploding cage match here, just a simple four-course dinner for a bunch of sanctimonious paid yelpers. I think you call them dining critics.

We get the standard prideful moments for Kerry and Chris for getting this far. They look tired but these armies of one will be armies of two. Enter sous chefs, Manfred for Chris and Nick for Kerry. Let the games begin.

The challenge has the sentimentality thing entwined in it, which is not my thing. The courses have to relate to letters: a love letter, a letter of apology, a thank-you letter and a letter to yourself. The latter is the one that confuses me. Do people often write themselves letters of positive affirmation to themselves?

“Dear Hugh,

You are rocking a good hair day today. I want you to put this moment in a snuggly. Keep on keeping on.

Sincerely,
Hugh

P.S. Your fly is open.”