Harold made a really good point that if you're going to be on Top Chef, it's probably a good idea to watch it. Take it from me. For whatever reason, I somehow missed an episode of Season 1. Which episode, you ask? This wont come as a shock: Restaurant Wars. Had I seen that, we may not have been LaLaLosers. Or a LaLaLaughingstock. (Or we may still have been, who knows--that's what makes TC fun.) So if you're going to be on Season 4, heres what you should have learned from this so-called reunion show: You will have no contact with the outside world at all--no cells, no newspapers, no iPod, no nothing. You will have nothing to distract you other than the people you're trapped with---I mean live with--and you will not be able to get away from them, even for a second.
You will do crazy things in the house to blow off steam and make each other laugh, even if it involves skits which you would never do in normal life because you're not "that guy." The more times you say you're not something, the more it will seem like you are. (Take it from "that guy".) As if cooking isn't enough, the judges will also want you to do their job and tell them who they should send home. They'll make you stand there for hours, waiting for your answer. You'll have flashbacks to when you were in 3rd grade and the principal said, "No one is going anywhere until you tell me which one of you did this!" Except unlike your principal, they will mean it. They will try to break you. Man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything. You will eat disgusting things that will make your toes curl. This may occur in the kitchen, but more likely while you're participating in a skit (see "skit"). Cliff, seriously, besides beer and an egg, what else was in that glass?