Breed Facts

9 Indisputable Facts About Every Single Person Who Owns a Poodle

Do not mention the Grateful Dead to a poodle owner!

Poodles come with a … particular reputation, to say the very least. People look at the curly-haired poofballs and immediately assume that they’re prissy princesses with nothing to offer but grooming opportunities. (They’re wrong, of course: poodles are a highly trainable, very affectionate, and extremely social breed.)

Their owners, on the other hand, are basically down to a science. Every single poodle mom or pop has the same nine qualities, no matter their background or status. These truths hold strong, and if you claim they don’t apply to you — well, you’re in denial, friend!

You were valedictorian.

That’s right, b*tches. You were the smartest kid in your school. (Also the hottest, if you do say so yourself.)

You always pick your own lottery numbers.

Who are these people who let the machine pick their numbers? Don’t they know that their 34-million-dollar fate is in their own hands?

Your accessories collection would make Elton John jealous.

You don’t always wear giant rhinestone sunglasses, but you think it’s important to have them on hand just in case the mood strikes.

You’re one of those people who runs “for fun.”

You don’t really need the exercise; you do it for the natural endorphins.

Your go-to karaoke song is “Black Velvet.”

And you really prefer to perform it at one of those bars with a giant stage, where maybe there are lights and a bubble machine and a wireless mic, so you can really “feel it.”

You believe in the power of melatonin.

It’s true: You’ve had some problems falling asleep, what with all of the thoughts running through your head at all times. But you started taking melatonin and it’s made such a difference — you can’t stop recommending it to everyone you know!

You’ve been known to snoop through the occasional drawer.

Listen, you weren’t snooping for snooping’s sake! You were just looking for a USB, and in your very thorough search you came across some receipts that needed reading, that’s all.

You watch TV shows live so you can actively text your friends about them.

Because what is the point of watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills if you can’t scream about Dorit and Lisa Rinna in real time?!

You hate jam bands.

HOW IS IT A SONG IF IT HAS NO BEGINNING AND NO END AND LASTS FOR 9 HOURS?!

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