Katie: It Wasn't Scheana's Battle

Katie explains why she went head to head with Scheana and dishes on the #RHOBH.

I know Lisa is very particular when she come into SUR and wants to know that her and her guest will get the best service possible. I of course am flattered she selected me as part of the team to work the dinner party. It’s always a good sign when your boss thinks you do your job better than others.

Peter and I never "dated." I was still new at SUR and was getting to know Peter and I had a big crush on him. We flirted and then hung out a couple times. Before we could get to the dating part he shut it down. I didn't know it was because of Stassi. By the time I figured it all out, Stassi and Peter weren't seeing each other anymore and Stassi and I were friends. It was so funny for Stassi and I to talk about the few weeks of overlap with Peter. We give him a hard time often for laughs.

Jax has a way of stirring the pot, and then back peddling. It’s confusing because it makes you wonder if the information he brought up is in fact false, or if the information actually is true and now he doesn't want to take responsibility for it. This was a case of it being true that he said something and Jax not wanting to assume responsibility. It was so frustrating because he made Stassi and I not only look bad, but made us feel like we were insane because we knew what he told us and the fact that he was saying that he never said anything was extremely frustrating. The story that Jax told Stassi and I could have been fabricated, but he did say it never the less. I was pretty certain that there was some truth in these rumors, just didn't know to what degree.

Invading someone’s privacy is never a good idea. After all, you should be with someone you trust and it’s very counterproductive to snoop. I have been there, I have let my imagination run rampant until I was so curious I had to snoop through the phone. I now know better. Kristen on the other hand makes it a daily habit almost. Checking the records, going through the phone, tracking the phone. She felt that Tom was lying and the only way to get the confirmation was to snoop. Tom had been telling her that he never talks to Ariana. If Tom had told her that he had spoken to her on the phone, I am sure Kristen wouldn't have been happy, but lying about it is what makes it bad.

I have always been the friend that didn't want to tell their friends to break up or not break up with the boyfriend. I would give objective advice maybe or help them understand something. Until now. Kristen had been arguing that throwing away a five year relationship wasn't her interest. The problem with that is, I don't know about the first two years, but for the three years I knew, it was very, very unhealthy. She kept digging a searching for things and when I asked her what she planned to do with the information she didn't have an answer. Kristen knew in her heart she needed to leave the relationship. I don't know what the point of snooping and confronting Tom would be if Kristen wasn't going to end the relationship. It was becoming a vicious cycle.

I was beginning to believe that Kristen was never going to leave Tom and that maybe she enjoyed the torment she experienced. I had a hard time relating and understanding her because I know I would never put myself in her position. I was growing very frustrated with her inability to make a change. It had been years of ups and downs and infidelities. I just wanted Kristen to finally be happy.

I have been doing tarot cards for a couple years now, just for fun really. I am not a pro and still learning about the cards and the techniques of reading them. I also tell whoever I am reading that I am not a fortune teller, and that this isn't a definite prediction of the future. I think readings are really great because they can really make a person aware of the surroundings, and what that means for what they are presently feeling and experiencing as well as where they could arrive based on the reading. I can't say I was shocked that Kristen’s reading was very spot on. I was hopeful that some more promising and light hearted cards would come up. There was a lot of sadness and repair in her reading. I was hoping Kristen would take it in stride and consider what came up, but not get herself upset.
I couldn't believe the behavior I witnessed at Lisa’s dinner party. I would maybe expect that from one of mine, but certainly not from a group of classy adults. It was hard to understand what they were arguing about as I don't know them, but the language and name calling said enough. I was just waiting for someone to throw a drink! I felt for Lisa because after all, SUR is her establishment and the ugliness of what was happening had reached a new high.

It’s never easy waiting on a table when there is an argument or high tension. My advice would be to stay away, but keep an eye. If it gets physical you may need to remove some people but for the most part just stay out of it.
I knew the moment Kristen found out that Tom and Ariana were bartending together she would lose her mind. That’s why we didn't want to tell her. Of course, as expected, she found out and wanted to storm in on it. I don't know why Kristen thinks confronting someone at work especially in front of Lisa is a good choice.

I understand Arianna was just trying to dissolve the rumors when she approached Kristen outside. It was driving Kristen crazy though and maybe Arianna could have been a little more sensitive to her feelings. It’s a really tough call to make. I wasn't going to get involved between Kristen and Arianna, but Scheana dove right in. It wasn't her battle, which only made it worse. She was being extremely rude that night. She was throwing around the "f--- yous" and accusing me of having a drinking problem. I just didn't know why she felt she needed to get involved.

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Tom: Katie Is the Total Package

Schwartz discusses what he really thinks of his fellow SURvers.

In honor of our finale and because I felt like I was drowning in negativity this year, I decided to write something nice about about this group of friends. This is pretty boring, and given some things that transpired this year, it will be especially hard for some, but I must do it. Mostly for selfish reasons, I suppose--a mini cleanse. Like a little warm bath of positivity. There's room for you, too! You'll find that it feels nice and rejuvenating. It's just temporary, too. We go back to haterading right after, I promise. Shall we?

Me: I always try and bring levity to Sigatoka (That's supposed to say situations, but autocorrect insisted on Sigatoka. Is that even a word? I like it, it seems like a proud word.) when possible and help keep perspective. I learned a lot from my indiscretions. A LOT. Quick to forgive. Experienced feelings/emotions at ends of spectrum I only knew through movies. So many feelings. Able to see silver linings. I said silver linings like 400 times in the past year. If there is one word I'll give myself credit for being, it's original.

I love her more than ever and can't wait to see what the future holds for us.

Tom Schwartz

Katie: She showed a new confidence and assertiveness that looked great on her. Didn't freak out and try and sever my genitals. In comparison to the old Katie, she has grown so much and learned to keep her composure. I love her more than ever and can't wait to see what the future holds for us. She's sexy and goofy, and I fear I've set both of our conversational skills years back due to incessant baby talk. She continues to love a vaguely ambitious man-child (me).

Jax: He's capable of being an utter ---hole (I know this better than anyone), but he's also capable of going out of his way to be there when you need him. He's always fun to go out with and has a real drive/hustle that's admirable. He's a natural networker. Very hospitable to new friends or when he meets new family members. Still doesn't think before he acts or talks. That's a compliment tailored to him and, admittedly, somewhat backhanded. It's one of his greatest weaknesses that is also a strength at times. He compensates ---hole behavior with sweet headphones and swag.

Ariana: She's witty and unique, has great commentary and a solid sense of humor. Composure level: wizard for having to deal with Kristen's antics and the proverbial crazy ex-girlfriend. She would get even more praise, but she went to UF instead of FSU. That's automatically minus two compliments. Just knowing she's done the gator chomp casts a dark shadow over her. Kidding. All love for UF.

Sandoval: My dude ran the damn gauntlet all year. Having to deal with the Jax/Kristen combo will put any sane man to the test, but he passed with flying colors. He's got killer style and is truly hilarious. He was able to make me laugh when I was at my lowest point this year. Dude can talk about just about anything with sincerity and full attention. He can riff with Ariana about a customer at work in depth for like two hours where I would just be like, "Sh-- happens." He is always there when I need him. Unless it's before 2 pm, then he's not available. Bonus points for referring to me as The Last of the Mohicans because Katie and I are the only ones left out of our original volatile sh-- show of a group couple friendship (Jax + Stassi, Tom + Kristen, me + Katie). I wish we could go back in time and have a spin-off of Vanderpump, the early years. You thought shit was crazy now...

Scheana: She is a great friend and cooks the best food. She's bubbly but also capable of having deep, meaningful chats. Still accident-prone, but it's endearing as hell. She's probably stubbing her toe as I write this. Style stays true to herself.

Shay: Is there anything bad to say about this lovable teddy bear? Love him. He loves Scheana so much and vice versa. Beautiful couple, so huggable. But, still a bear, so don't f--k with him.

Stassi: She laughs easy and is punchy. She is outspoken, charismatic with good camera presence. Froze over but will thaw out again someday. Needs lessons in humility to accent her bold style.

Kristen: She has a determination and perseverance, albeit sometimes misguided. Once redirected, it will be a powerful asset. Great at splitting up tabs in restaurants when no one else will. When not in self-destruct mode, she can be a good friend.

James: strong jawed and burgeoning DJ career. Eager.

Peter: hard-working, unique man. Sexy as all hell. "Big Sexy" they should call him. He's interesting! Loves in-depth film chat and laughs easily. One of few people I know who can pull off cowboy boots without having to have a sense of irony. Always fun to grab a drink with.

Lisa: She is the total package. Smart, witty, wise, ambitious, successful, caring, has a beautiful family, drop-dead gorgeous, tasteful, great entrepreneurial spirit, forgiving, elegant...should I go on? This is sincere. Hope she sees it, because I plan on working with her again! Ken is also a big inspiration for me. He's got the Midas touch and a killer wit. Dapper and wisdom to spare. 

Special shout outs to:

Production and evolution and everyone working behind the scenes to make this happen, the great state of MN, FSU, my amazing parents, and all of my truly great friends I've made all over this beautiful country.

Poker gods, if you are listening, I'm ready for a first place finish.

And lastly,

GORDO, the best damn dog there ever was. He makes me laugh and smile every day.

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