Kristen Doute

Kristen reflects on her emotional fight with Tom, and how his breakdown helped heal their broken relationship.

on Nov 14, 2013

I was surprised that Tom wanted to start a three hour car ride and the beginning of that weekend by talking about the fight we had the night before. We didn't fight about face wipes or anything else trivial. We fought because Tom was coming home at 5 a.m. most nights, and was completely absent from my life. He would stay out all night and sleep in all day. I didn't have a boyfriend, let alone a best friend or a live-in partner.

It's easy to watch the episode and think, "I would run away from her, too," but I acted that way beccuase of the months of Tom not being present in my life -- or in our relationship. I actually had my headphones on most of the car ride because I didn't want to fight, so I didn't know that Stassi had stuck up for me until I watched it back. It's nice to know that in that moment, I wasn't as alone as I had felt.

I totally understand how annoying and tiring it was for Katie and Stassi to be around our bickering as often as they were. But let's not pretend as if Katie and Schwartz don't fight and that Stassi and Jax didn't fight. Endlessly. The tables had then turned. I was desperately clinging to the way Tom and I used to be, hoping it would turn around. There was never a point where we both threw in the towel at the same time, so I thought he was worth fighting for. We fell in love for so many reasons and I just wanted it back.