Kristen Doute

Kristen explains how she reacted to the Ariana news and about Stassi's behavior in the wake of the cheating scandal.

on Jan 17

As much fun as Cabo was, when Jax decided to spill his truth about Tom and Ariana I felt like I needed a vacation from a vacation. It had been not only months, but years of the rumor circulating. As badly as I wanted to believe Tom and continue to brush it under the rug, my gut was telling me otherwise. I needed to get out of LA and spend time with my family. Everything had been so heavy over the summer. . .I knew I could go back to Michigan and have my mom help me trim the fat and lighten the load.

If Ariana was truly and only Tom's "friend," I felt she would have backed off and respect not only how I was feeling but what we were going through. I wish it had been Tom to be the one to back off and say that to her. At the end of the day, she wasn't my friend and really didn't owe me anything -- he did. But I hoped as a woman she would empathize with me. I knew it was a shot in the dark sending her those text messages but I was over her presence.

When I went back home to Michigan, I really missed Tom. I really wasn't prepared to leave him, as I said I was. I was still holding on to what we had so tightly. I had hoped that we could start over. I was trying to take it day-by-day, and he spent every day that I was gone reassuring me that he loved me, and we would make it out of this on top. That's all I had really wanted from Tom the entire time -- reassurance, honesty, and to feel the love back that I had for him.

I get that Katie and Stassi somewhat knew my relationship, but only Tom and I knew what it was like behind closed doors. All of my emotion over the summer wasn't coming from a place of hatred. On the contrary, it came from a place of intense, passionate love that was darkened by insecurity.