Jax's Tattoo Should Just Say "Desperate"

Katie: It's Insulting and Frustrating

Tom: Stassi Is Like a Fallen Dictator

Our Producer Shares Secrets From Peter's Date

Stassi: It's Hard to Watch

Lisa: Stassi Likes to Control Everything

Our Producer Got Hit With a Sandwich in Miami

Kristen: I Wanted Validation From Tom

The #PumpRules Miami Trip in 7 GIFs

Scheana: I Shouldn't Have Let Kristen Come

Lisa: Kristen Missed the Point Entirely

Jax: John Takes Care of Everybody

Tom on Jax: There is Barely Any Trust There

Behind-the-Scenes Secrets From Miami

Ariana Takes the Positivity Express

Lisa Doesn't Get Those Penis Straws

Scheana Is Happy Katie's Free

Tom's Main Miami Objective

Katie Wasn't Letting Jax and Kristen Ruin Miami

Our Producer Shares Secrets From That Trip

Tom Has Partied Enough for Two Lifetimes

Ariana: Facts Are Facts

Scheana Has Nothing Left to Say to Stassi

Lisa: You Would Think Jax Wouldn't Lie

Katie: Stassi's Island Really Is Shrinking

Katie: Tom Wasn't Following Through

A SURver's Guide to Male Grooming

Jax: I'm Getting a Taste of My Own Medicine

Our Producer Shares Scheana's Wedding Invite

4 Tom Sandoval GIFs for When You've Had Enough

Scheana: I Don't Need Kristen

Lisa: What Really Pissed Me Off

Ariana: Kristen is a Giant "Preying" Mantis

Katie: Stassi Overstepped Boundaries

Scheana: It's Sad How Few Friends Stassi Has

Our Producer Shares the Dirt on New Girl Vail

Tom: Kristen Manipulates Things

Tom Schwartz to Himself: Wake Up ---hole

Lisa Doesn't Want Scheana's Advice

Kristen: This Episode Was Tough to Watch

Scheana: I Don't Spread Rumors

Jax's Tattoo Should Just Say "Desperate"

Tom laments that complicated coffee table and tries to figure out what Scheana is so bent on sabotage. 

Scheana talking to Lisa about Schwartz and Shay's fight was a tattletale move, and the way she explained it was pretty much the complete opposite of what actually happened between Shay and Schwartz. Shay was probably the most drunk I've ever seen him, btw. . .

I feel like is just going through this sabotage mindset on a power trip. What bothers me the most about what she did is that she wasn't just a little bias and she didn't just exaggerate, but she full blown lied about what happened that night between Shay and Schwartz.

Scheana also most definitely knew that Schwartz was coming in to interview. News gets around SUR almost as fast as it comes out of your mouth. I've known Schwartz long enough to know he would've never come in for that interview if he know the chances of getting hired at SUR weren't probable or almost a sure thing. Scheana deep down is a good person, that's why it really bothers me to see her be so manipulative and shady.

Putting together that damn coffee table was way, way, WAAAY harder than it should have been!! I didn't even finish all the inside compartments and drawers until the next day! I've put together so many pieces of furniture from IKEA that were far more complicated with ease. Yesterday, I was in such disbelief over the difficulty of construction over this product that went back and checked my records and realized that this table was actually bought on some random website that Kristen found and bought when Googling coffee tables late night. So, my apologies to IKEA for blaming you. . .

With that being said, this coffee table had stickers labeling its parts with barely any adhesive left on them because they had been moved around so much. I should've stopped right there. . .But Kristen wants this coffee table put together, so I decided I'm not only going to have it done, but also have it done fast...

Talk about a FAIL. . .

When putting together this piece of s--- table, I would nearly get it completely assembled, only to realize I'm left holding a part that should have been put in the beginning! I'm not exaggerating when I say that I assembled and unassembled this table at least seven times! And for the record, I'm a guy who takes pride in the fact that I read directions, so don't even go there! This coffee table fiasco couldn't have come at a worse time especially when I'm trying to look like the reliable man in the relationship. Instead I was left looking incompetent and helpless, especially when Kristen had to step in to finish.

Jax should have just gotten "desperate" tattooed on his arm! He knew way better than to bring me, because I would've never EVER let that happen. I was pissed at Schwartz for letting him go through with it! Come on Schwartz! It's your job as a friend to keep Jax from doing something stupid like that! As far as me getting "Kristen" tattooed on my arm, Kristen would never expect or want me to do something like that. But, this past year, when we would all be out together, Jax would often act like this over the top gentleman in front of Stassi trying to woo her back into a relationship. Thanks to this facade, Schwartz and I would get some lovely passive aggressive comparisons to "Gentleman Jax" from our girlfriends.

I know Stassi is just primarily upset because Scheana is the main reason for the rift between her and Pandora and Lisa. I do think its pretty wrong for Scheana to mess with Stassi's job and professional relationships over the lack of a phone call post-surgery. Now Pandora did ask Scheana to work for Divine Addiction, and Pandora did come and tell Stassi about this herself, so Stassi really doesn't have a right to be mad at Scheana for that. Pandora brought Scheana on knowing how much it would upset Stassi, and this fact doesn't seem to bother her? It seems strange that Pandora would want to bring tension like that into her company. . .


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Our Producer Shares Secrets From Peter's Date

Plus, what you didn't see from Jax and Carmen's date.

So sad Miami is over! But don’t worry, the drama at SUR continues. Will Kristen finally cool down about Tom and Ariana? Is Vail really done with Jax? Or has she moved on to Peter? (Um, yup she has.) There were a few minor casualties from Miami, but Stassi not talking to Katie has to be the winner. It’s true that when Stassi feels she’s been wronged, it’s over. Kristina Kelly had to deliver the news. Katie was really bummed, and she tried so many times to get in touch with Stassi. (Way more times than you can imagine.)

Vanderpump Rules exclusive: See Jax telling us who his favorite Housewife/ex-Housewife is.

Jax dines with Carmen, but she is no fool. As much game as he threw at her, she didn’t budge. What you didn’t see is that Jax even told her he was starting a new rescue puppy business that Carmen could help him run (not true, by the way). Jax and puppies? What girl could resist that? Check out a behind-the-scenes pic of that magical lunch.

Kristen, Kristen, Kristen. Even during a crazy workout, she finds a way to bring the dramz. Behind-the-scenes story: it was 100 degrees that day. We were all sweating through our clothes, but hey, anything to make TV magic. Check out the girls taking a break from hiking and our manly-man camera guys trekking up and down those stairs.

A just-between-us Kristen EXTRA: 

Seriously, if I had a nickel for every time our cast ran into problems with the DMV, I would own SUR. And I would plate it in gold and float it on a stream of molten silver.

Vail and Peter sitting in a tree! There is nothing like wooing a woman with a daytime wine date. See Peter’s tips on dating.

SUR manager Peter spends a lot of time around wine, so he has become an expert on the subject. Check out Peter educating us on the secrets of wine tasting during a filming break.

Man, the end of this episode gets you, huh? Kristen’s plan is in motion, and it is the end of an era for a once-strong friendship. I have no words, so check out a couple GIFs that reveal my emotions.

Well let’s end this week on a happy note with guys that love dogs. See Sandoval and Schwartz having moments with the forgotten stars of Vanderpump Rules, Zoe the dog and Charlotte the dog. Zoe is Stassi’s pup, and Charlotte is Ariana’s dog if you didn’t already know.

So next week is pretty crazy. Like, as crazy as it comes. You should probably set your DVRs now if you haven’t already. I mean, really, you should just set it up to record the whole season, don’t you think?
@efoye #foyecrew