The last thing I ever wanted to do at lunch was break down in front of everyone. One of my biggest shows yet is just hours away and the blows finally got to me. What actually disturbs me the most about what happened at lunch was the way Stassi found humor in watching me lose all my pride and crumble. For someone who threw constant public temper tantrums and cried all the time during her and Jax's relationship to act that way was truly appalling. . .Did you trade your conscience for a handbag or something? And sorry to say, but nobody at the table agreed with you except maybe Katie -- but that doesn't count because sometimes I think Katie will agree with anything you think or say.
It had been months of being told to go f--- another girl in Vegas with loads of passive-aggressive remarks and flat-out aggressive remarks made to me by Kristen (with Katie and Stassi always ready to chime in). It was always one embarrassing social bashing after another. My pride finally gave way. I stopped being embarrassed and just felt horribly sad. And the reason was because I knew that deep deep down, underneath all the anger and animosity was a Kristen who was still very very much in love with me. I knew it as sure as I know the earth is round and THAT is exactly why I never gave up! It's not because we had been together so long! And if it took me breaking down and hitting emotional bottom for Kristen to finally start to connect with me, then fine! So be it! They say moments of your life flash before your eyes just before you die. Well, later that night watching Martha perform "Only the Lonely" with Kristen and I holding each other, in each other's arms, back in love again. . .well it's safe to say THAT moment will definitely be one of those moments that flash.