Tom Schwartz

Tom reflects on his Tyler Durden moment, beer throwing and wonders if it was catharsis or if he's just a "d bag."

on Jan 70

Whoops I did it again. I'm not that innocent. I'll begin by issuing an apology to my love and expressing my disappointment in my actions. There is the part of me that knows this act is morally reprehensible. No real man throws a beer on the woman he loves, right?

I pride myself on being cool calm and collected. A libra. Balanced. Full of levity and perspective. However there is another part of me, a part that feels little remorse for this. He was drowning in a sea of pettiness and bickering that was washing away any chances of having fun in a land he's never visited. He is, my Tyler Durden. I was experiencing a real life Mean Girls scenario and was utterly shocked and disgusted of the behavior around me.

Katie, as much as I love her, has a dark side that was slowly taking hold that night. This side of her rarely rears its head, but when it does, it's usually when we are highly intoxicated and starts over something as insignificant as nothing. I was being chastised and getting dirty looks because I handed Scheana a shot. A simple gesture of acceptance to say, "Hey let's set aside any melodrama and get lost in the moment." "Let's indulge in this celebration of life in this new land." I was defending more than Scheana per se. Maybe they had a reason to be upset with her, but I was defending reason. Defending what is right. Having perspective to squash any petty beef, given we are on a fantastic voyage in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, with a bar tab.

94 comments
growsomeoveries
growsomeoveries

These people are way too whiny and mean and don't seem like they can have fun together for more than a few hours. At least this guy TSchwartz can write not compared to other TomS. Someone should bring these drama class bitches some kitties and ditch all these tomcats and get some pedigree. meow. 

Elizabethsheila
Elizabethsheila

How could u be friends w jax. Are yal so week that u and Katie have to be friends with whom ever she tell u too.  How could you turn your back on Tom by being friends with jax?

Elizabethsheila
Elizabethsheila

Y would you and Katie take Stassi and Jax side.  they are both trashy as they get.  Kristin has been nothing but a friend to Katie in Cabo when she was crying while Stassi treated her like crap   Kristin was holding her and calming Katie down.

FlutterBy
FlutterBy

You remind me of a person with a loose spark plug waiting to snap...you seem  to want air time but then waste it by being abusive to your gf...we have seen both Tom and Jax take a lot of flack from their gf's and have not seen them snap......you are like the guys we hear about every night on Nancy Grace...I also bet wages you are an extremely jealous man of the women you date...and are a closet control freak...no...nothing innocent about you at all...if you dated a friend or daughter of mine...you would not get far...I have your number

DeeLove92
DeeLove92

You are such a sweet, adorable, and NORMAL guy! What are you doing with these people? Get away - fast! You deserve a way better girlfriend and better friends. You were not wrong at ALL in what you did or how you felt. Girls shouldn't drag their boyfriends into petty (seriously, it is REALLY stupid) drama - you were being a compassionate human being by showing just a little kindness to Scheana. Keep being you!

LaurenRay650
LaurenRay650

You and the other Tom are waaaay too good to be with those women. Sorry, you guys deserve better. They've got you brainwashed. 

reef
reef

Not only are these guys beautiful, they are intelligent and kind. Why are they with less attractive, less intelligent and unkind women?

MalibuPrincess
MalibuPrincess

You are such a classy guy.   The woman who ends up with you is going to be very lucky.  If Katie cannot sober up she will loose you.  don't blame yourself for any of this.

freedomlover
freedomlover

There never is any excuse for siding against your girl friend, especially with someone you know is not a friend of hers.  If you don't agreed with her actions, walk away, or tell her in private.  Why did you care more about Scheana's feelings then Katie's?  You embarassed her in front of her friends, in choosing Scheana over her.  That was such a monumental slap in Katie's face.  It would have been a deal breaker for me.

Hulali
Hulali

Did Katie apologize to you for being a mean drunk again? Katie was horrible and embarrassing herself and you  were trying to be nice to Scheana and help Katie not make a fool of herself  She did try to push your drink away.   Maybe she should suck YOUR toes as well. 

joeyr
joeyr

You are not a dirt bag.  She deserved it, but she mostly did it her to herself.  This an alcoholic woman who doesn't care about anyone but herself.  I really don't know what you see in her. She is just a bully and follows Stassi around like she was her dog. Find someone nice and sweet.  You felt sorry for Sheanna and gave her a drink.  This shows you have empathy for others your girlfriend does not nor will she ever. Dump her.

AshleyLaw10
AshleyLaw10

Your smile made me google "Vanderpump Rules -- the cute Tom".  Your blog made me wonder where you, male species, learned to use logic and reason when approaching life...even when intoxicated?  I actually think pouring your drink on your girls' head is exactly what she needed you to do in that moment, even if she'll never admit it.  Women want her man to stand up to her -- to call her on her bullshit and send her the message that she's out of line, and you won't stand back and watch her behave badly.  I bet she respects you more now, (i do...) and probably feels safer knowing there is an actual boundary for good/bad behavior, drunk or not, and that you'll call her on it. So the real question is...to score such a well versed man like yourself when I move to L.A. next month, must I lose all logic and reason like your girlfriend, to get past the first date? I fear that the hot, reasonable, 'grounded in logic & reason' (and some serious dance moves) women, *shutter* uh, boring? Seriously tell Katie, her dude is A-MAY-ZA-ZING. And that she's got it all backwards.  You wait until a dude like you Tom dumps her ass for a hot up and coming young Entertainment Lawyer like myself to develop that drinking problem

samsung
samsung

I get it , your tuned into your girlfriend's emotions so deep that you hate it when she act unfair or ugly.

It shameful when she's too drunk and her emotions are irrational.

I hear ya I wouldnt want that for a girl either.

EDSimpson27
EDSimpson27

Katie has a *serious* alcohol abuse problem.  The responsible thing for you, as her boyfriend, is to encourage her to seek help.  Think about the damage alcohol has caused in your life.  Over-indulgence of this magnitude will produce nothing but heartache.   

hheston
hheston

Hi Tom -  I enjoy watching on the show and feel you are always fair.  Don't beat yourself up about the beer  toss.  It was a reaction, we all have them and it's what you do 90% of the time that matters.  You are adorable, intelligent and a good friend/boyfriend.  Katie appears to meet criteria for a drinking problem.  Doesn't make her a bad person just a person in need of help.  She is adorable except when she is under the influence of a mood-altering substance.

 

mkelly5552
mkelly5552

Wow Tom seriously grow up. What you did was so wrong for you to make light of it is a huge slap in Katie's face. You down play her feelings and every woman needs validation because "feelings" can't be wrong. Their hers and subjective. You should have had her back and you failed as a boyfriend first and a human being later. We all make mistakes, but seriously you don't deserve Katie. I was hoping you would have come to some realizations after this happened and now.... :(

Jennifer99
Jennifer99

Hi Tom   I enjoyed reading your blog, smart and witty.  You have a talent there.  You're intelligent, a great guy and cute.  Why are you with Katie?  Step back and realise that you can do so so much better for a girlfriend.

Lori@5
Lori@5

i feel so bad that you and Tom put up with the worlds two worst girlfriends. All they do is nag, complain, and boss you all around. they act like they are amazing girls and when in fact they are nothing special to look at at all. the both of you could do way better, your both handsome and always appear sane and level headed. How have the two of you managed to stay with them for so long? That other girl, i think her name is Ariana, she is way cool and the type you and Tom S. should be dating. You need to seriously let go and move on,  i for one absolutely think she deserved to have the whole drink thrown on her. The girls purposely go out of their way to be mean to all people, Scheana in particular. it takes a whole lot more effort to be mean to people than it does to just be nice. Why can't they just be nice? and would you seriously want these girls to someday have your children and teach them that this is the way too behave? You and Tom need to ditch these childish girls and move on, you guys can definitely do better.

sofie7
sofie7

Humiliating your girlfriend in front of your friends by calling her names is never acceptable. And, to pour a drink over her head and then say "I reached my breaking point" is definitely not acceptable EVER. It appears that Katie is not the only one that has a dark side. I'm not taking Katie's side on this, as she too was clearly out of control. I am just saying that as the man in this relationship there are better ways to handle yourself. You and Katie both need to learn to control your emotions when you drink. I hope you both have learned from this because you two are adorable together and you have always been my favorite couple. I hope to see more of you both in happier times.

Blink
Blink

Tom, we get it.  You want your 15 minutes of Fame, but throwing drinks on a woman might get you the type of attention you don't want. Katie seems to be mean when she's drunk, when she's not drunk.....her very existence seems to conjure of negative feelings in her.  And if you're her boyfriend (I'm not sure if you really are or you two just devised this for the show),  you should've known she was going to act like an jerk.  But then you followed suit and acted like a douchebag.  You Tom's need to cut these girls loose and find more laid back women who want freak out if you say Hi to another female.

289654
289654

Tom i think you are such a gentleman for saying sorry and coming so calm and sweet about this even though you werent even the one who was in the wrong . It takes a true honest hearted man to say sorry even when he was right in the situation . Katie should be lucky to have and treasure a guy like you. I really do wish you the best . I really do hope it works out between you and Katie .Love the show and you guys . :) <3

Denise903
Denise903

You did something that was wrong and you would not apologize! That is the bottom line....you did not act like a man! Scheana isn't worth starting a big fight over. If you were defending a decent person I would cut you some slack. Girls who have mostly guy friends tend to find a way to look like the victim. Scheana is no victim....just ask Brandi! You embarrassed her in front of someone that she doesn't get along with....can you not see that???? Yes the other girls have their issues including your GF but Scheana is not a good person. She's the kind of girl if my son came home with I would cry (he's only 9 but you get what I'm saying)! Also, you sounded like a insecure robot in your post. Man up to your mistakes because it makes you a better person. I always thought you were one of the better behaved on the show...but now not so much! Bottom line.....you embarrassed her and that is not the way to deal with a problem! Please man up!

lady1234567
lady1234567

You are the company you keep............. You should learn to keep better company

lady1234567
lady1234567

Katie deserved every bit of what she received. She is a bully and needs put in her place.... I sincerely hope that one day someone teaches those 'mean girls' a lesson. It would be fantastic

bestofboston
bestofboston

Why would you think you need to apologize to that?  You should have thrown that drink in her face where is belonged. Hopefully next time your aim will be better.  And why do you want to be associated with another low class drunk?  Is this the best there is to offer?  Maybe it's just "easy and convenient".  Katie is just like the other two stooges - Kristen and assi - ugly on the outside as well as the inside.  You really need to move up to a better class of people. I hope you didn't bring "that" home to meet your parents...  Tom - you take the trash out not bring it home.  Kati is a drunk and needs to get into a program ASAP - please don't let her drag  you down into the gutter with her. You deserve better.

krob12
krob12

I mean, the beer pouring wasn't right but we've all done stupid things out of anger. I think Katie is overdramatic and annoying.

nscheffe
nscheffe

As Dirty Harry says- "Every man has to know his limits" and you hit yours- what you did is not acceptable, but if Katie and this group of petty girls, brings this out in you- there is something to that...and unless they grow emotionally ASAPp I'm afraid you are in for more and your limits being pushed... the whole thing is so unhealthy and frankly dysfunctional..

PS- I think giving Scheena the drink was being a gentleman- afterall, its not like she betrayed any of you- like Jax did lying to all of you.  and he is welcomed back with open arms... like I said dysfunctional....

NaniD
NaniD

I honestly dont feel bad that you threw your drink at her. Katie is a complete mess when she drinks and I can understand your frustration. Maybe walking away could have been better, but I have dealt with similar things like this so I understand.

I believe you are a good person.

Picket@fence
Picket@fence

Oh yeah, you are a douche. But not for the beer throwing, for the gang bang comment. Tell Sheana that word is not funny or a good premise for a joke. The joke is the two of you getting paid to entertain us. I will say however, you are a pretty good writer.

DawnTu
DawnTu

There is NEVER a scenario in which is it okay to call our significant other names.  PERIOD.  It doesn't matter what she did or did not do you crossed the line into abusive behavior that was uncalled for and you need help!

MeJustMe
MeJustMe

There is always 3 sides to a story. We don't see much of you on the show, so who of us fans can actually say much about you. While I don't condone throwing a drink on a woman, I also don't condone a " so called woman " being a douche bag while drunk! Your woman needs a few lessons in life. And it seems so do you if you keep negating the horrible truths of your girlfriend .

SFViewer
SFViewer

You two are still together? She needs help. 

MissChi80
MissChi80

I hope that these people get their lives together 

 

MissChi80
MissChi80

You all argue over the most silly things. Life is about so much more than this petty stuff.

Kymmie
Kymmie

I actually felt bad for you while I was watching this episode.  You were just trying to be nice....see what that'll get ya!!!  Maybe you and Katie shouldn't drink together!!! 

You are a doll, Tom, and I love your easygoing personality. 

southernbelle25
southernbelle25

WHY, WHY, WHY would you go on this trip and not have had a discussion of Katie's behavior when she drinks?  After her last performance, I don't understand why she did not "stay on the wagon" for this trip. 

 

MissChi80
MissChi80

OMG Katie is ABSOLUTELY PSYCHOTIC. Literally have ZERO idea what you see in her. She is annoying, selfish, rude, crazy, irrational, immature, and she EMBARRASSES you. These women FREAK out about the smallest garbage I honestly laugh and feel sorry for them.  Do yourself a favor and GET OUT. Have some dignity and get with a woman who has class and isn't bat shi* crazy!

SwimCards
SwimCards

So you sucked her toes. You're a fool and get deserve whatever crazy she throws your way.

Smokytarry
Smokytarry

You are the most handsome and smartest boy on the show. ( and sorry to say that " that" was far from a compliment...oops) Anyhoo, if you have any talent acting or can learn to act, I could see you in movies.. You make me think of Jude Law ( now that's a compliment- but probably not to Jude)..anyway

phillip.mcgaugh
phillip.mcgaugh

I applaud you for being the voice of conscience, but sometimes that can lapse over into judgement when you are dealing with someone who is momentarily unaware or caught up under the influence of others. A reaction to that state can prompt a desire for a "wake-up call", but usually the message isn't received that way....especially when it comes in the form of wet beer over the head. It's very cruel to isolate and exclude people...oh, but no one would like it done to themselves! Do unto others as you would have others do unto you is the first premise of empathy....some people haven't gotten that far yet...sadly.

Rusty1
Rusty1

How old are all of you?  In your thirties or teens?  AAA should become a theme of the show.

__kath
__kath

 @freedomlover Nope. Part of being a decent human being is taking the side of reason. You know what it's called when someone demands you taking their side on every single thing whether right or wrong? Abuse. I feel sorry for whoever is stuck in a relationship with you.

NYGalinTX
NYGalinTX

 @AshleyLaw10 LOL. OK this is by far the funniest (and true) post, like ever.....I have to agree with you though.  I'm pretty sane myself and don't tolerate drama nor do I dish it out and shocking shocking - take accountability for my bad behavior and change it immediately.  It sure is hard to find a decent guy who isn't intimidated by sanity / low drama, its like they don't know what the hell to do with it. lol.  But I will say this, at least Katie does genuinely seem to love her BF and seemed a little receptive to the critique, but then again, I'm comparing her to Kristen who may be the hottest mess to ever hit reality TV, and that's saying something!!!  

Hulali
Hulali

 @AshleyLaw10

 You should make a habit of eating at SUR  maybe you'll run into Tom.  I think he's adorable too!

Trvel
Trvel

@mkelly5552 So he's supposed to back a girlfriend for really bad behavior? That's enabling. He showed the better side of humanity by being kind to Scheana. Though everyone does have a right to their feelings, it is the behavior that follows that becomes problematic. Tom, do you want to spend your life with someone that behaves in this way, and treats others with an ugly heart because Stassi wants her to? You deserve a decent, healthy (emotionally) woman. I think you know that deep down, which is what, in part, led to the beer toss. Not okay, but understandable. You have listened to this group for way too long, leading you to question if you are a "d- bag." You would all be so much better off if everyone went their separate ways and never spoke again. SOO much dysfunctional and destructive behaviors. Katie will eventually drag you to your lowest self if you continue.

Trvel
Trvel

@Denise903 Tom didn't start the fight by being kind to Scheana. Katie started the fight because she was jealous Tom didn't mistreat Scheana the way she does. You say he didn't act like a man because he treated someone YOU don't like, kindly. That's sad; puts you in the same category as the "mean girls." Sorry, just sayin...

samsung
samsung

she should be embarrassed by how unfair ugly and jealous she appears on tv for the us

to see

 

timmons22
timmons22

 @DawnTu

 And you & your relationship(s) are perfect?  Get over yourself.

MalibuPrincess
MalibuPrincess

@__kath @freedomlover   Tom is a classy guy.   The woman who ends up with him is going to be very lucky.  If Katie cannot sober up she will loose him.