Katie: Stassi Overstepped Boundaries

Katie discusses why she didn't give Tom and ultimatum and why Stassi's advice was out-of-line.

The days following Tom's admission of past infidelity were taxing both mentally and emotionally. Tom and I spent hours pouring our hearts out, crying, and taking a hard look at the current state and the future of our relationship. While I cherish and value the opinions of my friends, I was not interested in their opinions of how I should handle this situation. For weeks, everyone was weighing in on Tom and I's relationship to a point that felt it was invasive and frustrating. Tom and I are good match. We are each other's best friends. We don't have a perfect relationship. We understand there are areas where we really need to work on, but we decided to make that a priority. I wanted to go over the recent events and revelations in solidarity. I wanted to focus soley on what my heart felt. I didn't want my thoughts and feelings to be colored by anyone else.

 

 

 

While I understood that Stassi did have good intentions, she began to over step certain boundaries. I didn't need Stassi to fight my battle, but rather to just support my decision and be there for me. Of course I didn't want Tom to continue having a close relationship with Jax. I was fed up with Jax's lies and meddling. I didn't understand why Tom so passionately defended his friendship with Jax, especially when I felt he should have been passionately defending OUR relationship. I began to understand that I was going to have to just compromise with Tom -- and I confidently I could do that with out compromising my feelings and integrity. I wasn't going to let Jax be the reason that Tom and I end our relationship. Sometimes ultimatums are necessary, but this wasn't one of those times. I didn't want to be the ultimatum girlfriend, nobody wants to date or be that girl. Tom assured me that he would take necessary measures to ensure that his friendship with Jax wouldn't interfere with our relationship and that no matter what that I was a priority to him. I felt comfortable with our compromise, and I don't think that makes me weak. Relationships, and life for that matter, are not black and white. They are full of compromise and benefits of the doubt. Stassi was maybe just giving me tough love, but to call me weak during such a critical time for me was hurtful. Stassi hasn't always made the best decisions in terms of relationships. She's made decisions I wouldn't personally make, but I allow her to make her own decisions and do my best to support her. I would have liked to have had that in return. Stassi has removed herself from this group of people and no longer worked at SUR, so it's very easy for her to tell Tom to cut it off with Jax and tell me to disassociate from anything having to do with these people. That isn't really want I want, nor isn't it realistic. I still work at SUR and Tom and I both are friends with people in this group. It's nearly impossible to avoid certain people, and it makes life easier to try and co exist.

 

 

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Katie Maloney

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