The Backstory Behind Tom Schwartz's Butt Steaks

"...next came the most challenging and degrading part of the process: getting those thick hunks of meat to stay in between my butt cheeks."

I went around town and gathered all of the best quality steaks, shrimp, and sides I could buy. I really wanted to wow them, I even studied YouTube vids of cooking filet mignon in a skillet (that I went and purchased for just for this meal).

After gathering everything needed came the awkward part of asking my sister-in-law to be the poor soul who would take the pics of the center-cut filets in between my butt cheeks. She reluctantly agreed (shout out to Alycia and Jeff) and next came the most challenging and degrading part of the process: getting those thick hunks of meat to stay in between my butt cheeks. I'm fighting gravity and I really had to put them in deep and squeeze my buttocks to get them to stay in place for pics. I honestly almost backed out because the thought of raw meat between in my behind was quite unsavory and they kept sliding down. We powered through and eventually got the job done.

I put subtle marks on both of their steaks so I could recognize whose was whose and to prevent eating my own butt steak. I also set aside my own serving of fresh shrimp selected from theirs. The shrimp were worse in my opinion because they went straight from my butt onto the rim of the glass with no cooking in between, which in hindsight may have been too far.

My favorite part, which I don't think you saw, was when I kept putting the shrimp under their nose and asking them to smell the freshness of same day caught shrimp.

This act was inspired by one of my favorite bits on Upright Citizens Brigade called "Ass Pennies". Also I vaguely remembered reading something on Reddit years ago that stuck with me that was similar.

I'm very much looking forward to texting Tom and Jax ten years from now and saying, "Hey, remember when you ate steaks from between my butt?"

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