Andys Blog

Andy Cohen spreads some holiday cheer.

on Dec 21, 20060

TAKE A MEMO: To the Salvation Army Lady ringing the bell eight stories below the Bravo offices at Rockefeller Center: YOUR VOICE SUCKS and we DO NOT want to hear your crap-assed KARAOKE MASSACRE of each and every one of our favorite Christmas tunes.

You are the one woman in all of ChristmasLand that actually makes Jessica Simpson sound like someone with talent. And, Ms Lady, there is an issue of which you are unaware. While Rockefeller Plaza is indeed a loveable East Coast Pop-Upped Dollywood Christmas Pageant moving at the speed of marmalade, people are very begrudgingly attempting to WORK in the buildings above and around your hysterical warbling.

Do you want to know where I am not dropping my hard-earned sheckles on my way out? In your rat-a-tat-tatting red bucket. Because of you, dear Aunt of William Hung, I am boycotting the Salvation Army. And don't you dare think of touching "All I Want For Christmas Is You." Just don't. That's all.

JUNKIE SANTAS! Here's another Rock Center Xmas nibbly to go along with the strep-throated sensation -- if you look closely, hidden amongst the jingles and jangles you can also find junkie Santas on their breaks smoking butts!

Check in the corridor that joins 50th and 51st Streets -- on the West Side just before Sharper Image! There they stand, facing the wall, smoking and at times talking on their cell phones. By the looks of the looks of 'em, they ain't checking in on Mrs. Claus. On my way to get a tea yesterday, I saw one without his beard, hair and hat; I then passed a little girl asking her mommy why Santa had real hair. It was a heartbreaker.

On their breaks, these part-time dreamweavers paint a rag-tag, down on their luck picture -- more Flatbush Ave than Miracle on 34th St. It is a sight and I always wish I had my camera. I can only assume that these Santas live by the credo spread by "The Jeffersons" loveable and cantankerous Florence (Marla Gibbs) Johnston, that everybody deserves some break-time! I heart Florence! And junkie Santas! And Marla! (I don't heart the Salvation Army.)