Ooh, it's Friday the 13th, which means that I will kill whoever winds up being my Valentine. OK that's neither funny nor cool. I won't kill my Valentine.

But I am at the DMV this morning replacing my driver's license and I have a hunch that before the morning is over I might just kill "Cheryl," the gal behind the information desk. "Cheryl" is your classic DMVLady (Check One: Don't Know, Don't Care) and I think that "Cheryl" is a mean, withholding, nasty lady. I know that she's stuck at the licenseXpress office on 34th street all day dealing with IDIOTS (not me of course), but I approached her with a big smile and she shut my ass down.

"Cheryl" gives just enough information to not answer your question - "Cheryl" begs more questions. I know it is a mistake to ask "Cheryl" for information, given that that it is her job and she must hate it, and that she sits under a sign which says "Information," but I faux pas'ed by throwing her a query about a new driver's license foto and that was too much for my girl. Her non-response sent me into a Matrix-like hold pattern between two lines and two forms.

What I figured out - with no help from C - is that if you want a new photo, it's one long route and if you don't it's actually kind of "fast." I went for "fast" but when the adorable, helpful, woman of my DMV dreams behind counter 7 saw my foto that I was renewing, circa 1992 on the day I went to interview the Buttafuocos on Long Island, she made me update it. She felt so strongly that she gave me a "cut the line" pass and sent me on my way. The new pic is better and I love counter 7 girl.