Brain Drain From Los Angeles

Andy Cohen on Amy Sedaris, Howard Stern, and Oprah.

OK, so I have a hodge podge collage of information on my mind this morning as I try to motivate to go to the gym at my hotel in Los Angeles.

In no particular order, I'm going to dump it directly from my brain ... to yours! (That's kind of HOT, right! Like, I feel CLOSE to you....)

THE CARDS AND THE QUEEN: Last night I watched my beloved St. Louis Cardinals kill the Padres and advance to play the Mets to decide who will represent the National League in the Series. Watching them clinch in their new ballpark made me regret writing my diatribe against the new Busch Stadium a few months ago after I'd visited the park.

When the game was over, I switched gears from Albert Pujols and marvelled at Helen Mirren giving it hard in THE QUEEN. Give the lady a trophy for bringing humanity to a cold monarch who turned her back on England as her people begged her to stand up and say something -- namely that she was sad about the death of the People's Princess. You feel like you spent a chilly week at Balmoral with some insanely uptight tea-drinkers, but come away understanding her struggle. And the guy who plays Tony Blair is amazing.

W AND ME: Last Thursday in my little introduction to my fascinating and not exclusive interview with Project Runway fan fave Michael Knight, I wrote something about George W. Bush that pissed off several Andy's Blog readers. It was some generic slam of the President which by all means certainly had no real rhyme nor reason for being included in my intro to Michael Knight's interview. There were some posts and emails from people saying essentially, WTF do we care about YOUR views of politics and that they ain't coming to this spot for political commentary. Yeah, I get it. Sometimes I get overcome, though, and I can't stop myself.

I was writing that blog while the news was on and I saw his face (particulary that SNEER) and I got out of control and just wrote a slam. I knew it really didn't fit but it made me feel a little better. I really can't explain it more than that. The sneer made me crazy and so it was like getting something out of my system. Bruce has a T-shirt that says "Where is the outrage?" and sometimes that's how I feel and it comes out like Tourettes, when you least expect it!

AMY SEDARIS dropped off a copy of her new book on Saturday afternoon. This book (about hospitality, cooking and crafts) is literally the gift that keeps on giving. It is overloaded with recipes, tips, beautiful photographs, a lot of insanity, a bonus poster of Amy, all from a completely fresh and unique POV, namely Amy's insane membrane.

That little sparkplug spent a year and a half holed up in her Christopher Street treehouse crafting a crafty cornucopia of beautiful crazy that all makes sense! It comes out on the 16th, I believe, but you can pre-order it on Amazon.

By the way, someone posted on Friday, "Didn't you forget to say "my good friend" before you wrote "Jake Gyllenhaal?" Touche! I laughed out loud at that one! I wish he was my friend, but if I had to choose between being friends with he or Amy Sedaris, I'd choose Amy.

By the way (again) ... I loved finding out last week that Jake Gyllenhaal is godson to Jamie Lee Curtis. Imagine my shock learning from The Economist -- er, I mean US -- on the plane yesterday that Al Roker's first cousin was Roxie "Helen Willis" Roker! This, of course, makes Al second cousins with Lenny Kravitz, who says of the weatherguru, "The man is sexy."

JOHN JAMES has been on my mind lately as I have been wondering what became of Dynasty's Jeff Colby. I found out when I turned on AMC the other day. He's playing opposite Erica Kane, that's where he is. He also happens to be a cautionary tale for what happens when one gets too tan. I kept asking Bruce all summer "Am I too tan?" Now I know what that means. I never thought you could be too tan, and then I turned on AMC.

Fast-forward to me on the plane yesterday glued to the SICK, DEMENTED People mag tale (and photos) of Anna Nicole Smith marrying the only man who is actually capable of sullying Howard Stern's name, her lawyer Howard K. Stern.

This guy is disgusting. I can't help hating it that he is a Jew. The fact that he is Jewish can't be good for the Jews. Howard the radio guy is fine for the Jews, but Howard the Anna Nicole laywer is not good. We don't want him. Is there a church that will have him? I am sure Anna wants him to convert because she is pretty devout, right??

Anyhoozle, I am reading this sick story -- about the nonbinding wedding three weeks after the birth of darling Dannielynn with indeterminent paternity and then death with indeterminent causes of her son Daniel -- and discover that John James, my Jeff Colby, was a witness to the gross out but nonbinding wedding and was on the said boat ride in the Bahamas! He's quoted in the story! When celebrities intersect like this it blows my mind.

I tried to nap on the plane, but couldn't because John James was on the boat. I was upset, see. He executive produced a "movie" that Anna was in? And the dead son was an associate producer of the movie? Whaaaaaayt? James' wife, by the way, was taking care of Anna's newborn kid inside the whole time. I am sorry but this is weirder than me writing about Bush in my Michael Knight intro. Where is the outrage, people? Just tell me where.

OPRAH'S ROAD TRIP: I am into it now! It took me two episodes and now I am hooked. The first one felt very pre-produced with too many paid integrations and faux conflicts.

I love it and am getting she and Gayle better than I ever have. And I do not think those two ladies are doing it even though everyone else does.

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