Dispatch from L.A.

Andy Cohen dishes on Bravo's A-List Awards and his disdain for Lady Gaga.

Can you smell the air in L.A. right now? Are you wondering from where the aroma comes? Doesn't it smell kinda like gardenias? And kinda like poppies? And kinda like perty housewives? And kinda like marijuana? Oh wait — it smells like Bravo here!

That's because it will be a very Bravo weekend as we rehearse and then tape the 2nd annual A-List Awards, hosted by Kathy Griffin. I am so excited for this show — the creative is smart and high and low and just fun. Kathy has some hilarious stuff planned. We have great bookings, and all your fave Bravolebs will be there. So there'll be a lot more A-List talk from now through tax day, when the damn thing airs. 

I saw Jack Nicholson at the Sunset Tower last night, and that alone merits a mention. He was with Stephen Dorff, which might not merit anything.

My ex-BF gave me such TLC the other night, LA style. He made me a beautiful halibut dinner from a recipe he found at Wellfed.typepad.com, which is run by a cool dude who's working at My Life on the D-List. It was delish. And the perfect backdrop for going deeper than deep. 

And after dinner, and going deeper than deep, he made me watch American Idol because he knows that I am the only man in America that doesn't watch. And it seems that I only do watch when I am in L.A. It just seems so L.A. Anyway, he wanted to show me the blind guy and the gay guy.  The blind guy doesn't seem to talented, which simply has nothing to do with the fact that he cannot see. He can't sing either! He's sweet though and I hope he wins. The gay guy sang his face off and I hope it's a tie so he can win, too. And I really loved the group performance of that Journey song!

And it is still fun after all these years trying to guess what Paula is on. And I personally think she's on that pill that makes her aware that "my bosses hired this lady next to me to remind me that I can be fired at any moment if I keep acting criminally insane so I better act like this shitty music is FANTASTIC and drink my Coke and get with the program." And she kinda DID get with the program.

Here's what: I think that Lady Gaga is ridiculous. I know it's controversial but I never even knew she sang "Poker Face." That song sucks balls and I know everyone loves her but we laughed in her zippered-face. I did not keep a poker face while I watched her "sing" that "song." I think the blind guy is more talented than her. And how blind was I not to notice that her backup dancer was Michael Silas, the hottie from Step It Up and Dance who had the nude pic scandal? How'd I miss that?

And so I'll let you know in a month when I am fully in love with Lady Gaga.

Yesterday I was at the Bravo offices in Burbank gazing out the window while I sat on a loooong conference call. As the minutes passed, my eyes were drawn to a slow procession of some intensely cheesy-but-hot guys who one by one appeared in front of the building on smoke breaks. As I walked out of the building a half hour later, I noticed a veritable convention of cheesy hotness in the form of what was now a groomed gaggle of coiffed gents.  It turns out that they were all auditioning for Days of Our Lives, which is in the lobby level of the building. I immediately felt a little bad for the soon-to-be-emasculated-by-a-casting-director gaggle of boys. But it was very LA, which is why I mention this otherwise nonsequiter of a nonstory. 

And speaking of nonsequiters, there are electronic billboards all over town for radio stations that tell you what song they're playing at that moment. Would you switch stations for "Rocket Man?" I love the song, but I ain't gonna go to any trouble to hear it. Maybe I would, what do I know. Not "Poker Face" though.  I would go to no trouble for that tune. 

CAB REPORT: I obviously did not take a cab anywhere today because I am in L.A. driving a Prius like a good soldier. But may I mention that I read in the L.A. edition of the NY Post (which only costs two dollars! WTF!?!) that cab fares are going up 50 cents. And so I will relax my poker face to tell you that that sucks. Just for the record.

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