Hamptons Barbarians

Andy wonders wonders what happened to courtesy.

My camera somehow morphed into my albatross on Friday, so I decided to forgo the Hamptons photoblog that maybe one person (me) has come to associate with a Monday morning...

Friday night, Bruce and I decided to have a late meal at The Palm in East Hampton. When I pulled up, the valet line was a wee clogged and I patiently waited for it to clear up. Patience is not a virtue, though, on the East End of Long Island. It gets you nowhere. From the 7-11 to a valet line, the Hamptons is an every-man-for himself, lord of the flies, bacchanalia. Within a couple minutes of valet line patience, two carloads of people swerved around me, jacked their cars in front of mine, parked there, and threw their keys at the valet guys. Nice. Every man for himself.

Saturday night we went to see "Harry Potter" in East Hampton. Oy vey. Normal movie-going rules somehow don't apply to the ticket holding beasts at the East Hampton movie theater. Apparently, you can talk at full voice, storm the aisles during movies, and rearrange the entire seating plan, one aisle at a time. It was Liza, Bruce, and I and we really were just amazed watching the full spectrum of rude and pushy blooming around us. Liza and I took a break from the action at one point to realize that in our 14 year friendship we've never been to a movie together. It seems impossible to us, but it may be true. It also may be at the top of the list of pieces of info that nobody cares about but us.

I was able to tune out the madness in the theater and allow myself to be taken away to Hogwarts and HarryVille. I really enjoyed the movie even though everyone has grown up so much that Harry's wide-eyed gee-whizness is not really working too much for me. I look at those kids and think of new body odors and pubic hair and hormones and Hermione's boobs and stuff that I really don't want to be wondering about when worrying about Voldemort. Oh and does Christina Aguilera have an uncredited part in the movie?

The real headline of the movie is the fact that Daniel Radcliffe is the spitting image of Cherie Blair. Put a Cherie Blair wig on him and check it out for yourself! BTW, I am sure Raquel Welch manufactures a Cherie Blair wig if you are looking for one. Bruce was so horrified by everyone's behavior around us that he was thoroughly bored and irritated during the movie. Liza, who was also with us, was half with me (into the movie) and half with Bruce (irritated about the barbarians).

After the movie we went back to the Palm for drinks and dinner. There was a double date happening next to us and three of the four people at the table were on their blackberries for most of their time. Can I pull up a chair?!

I had dinner with some East End pals last night. We swapped stories of people's beastly behavior. They're convinced that the aggression should be blamed on GWB. They think when bullies are in charge, people act like bullies. There's a long theory they have directly relating the President and people's views of him to how people act in the Hamptons. I went with it. When GWB is gone, things should settle down out there for good. I got a speeding ticket on my drive back to the city, which proves that I, too, am a barbarian trying to shove my way to the front.

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