I am absolutely in Vegas but I am absolutely not on a honeymoon.
Speaking of a Sarah Jessica Parker films, one of the hottest slot machines in town is the Sex and the City game. It's a multimedia, candy-colored explosion of Sex and the City madness. It isn't the easiest game to understand, but it's the most fun and there are barely any available because everybody's so mesmerized. You get to pick diamonds and shoes on a touchscreen! And spin a wheel when Mr. Big "tells" you to! And there's music and clips from the show and everything's pretty! And I won 60 bucks when I bet on Carrie. I always bet on Carrie, see. And I won 19 bucks on Miranda. It's just pink and fun, is all.
In other Vegas news, the rugs are still hideous in every mall — I mean in every HOTEL — that you walk in. I guess it's so you can spill your whiskey or you can vomit (or both) and nobody will know the difference. Oh, and the cocktail waitresses wear super-thick pantyhose in all the casinos — I mean in all the MALLS. Let me not quibble — they are all malls and I am now going to just be up-front about that. So the pantyhose are like as thick as drag queens wear. And is that so that you can vomit on their legs and it'll just wipe off? Or is it to hide spidery veins? Or what?
(Speaking of pantyhose, my mom said my blog about boobs, and all the talk of boobs on Watch What Happens Live, was sexist. I told her it was actually just Housewives fodder. Was I right? Did any other women get offended?)
I am here for NATPE, which is essentially a big-ass TV convention that starts today. I am hosting a panel tomorrow that will feature Donald Trump, Jillian Michaels, and Curtis Stone. If you have any questions you think I should ask them please post them below this blog. I always certainly enjoy your input. I'm psyched to spitball with the Donald. He's kind of like Kim Zolciak — you can ask him anything and he will answer. I like that quality.
I know if was a long time ago already, but I thought the telethon on Friday night was fantastic — a great example of Hollywood mobilizing to do something good. I couldn't get through on the phone so I went online and gave what I thought was a really generous donation. I didn't get a confirmation e-mail, saw Madonna sing "Like a Prayer," started feeling guilty that maybe my donation didn't go through, and gave again. Then I realized both of them went through so I gave double. And you can't exactly go back and call AMEX and cancel one because that would make you rotten to the core. So I gave twice and that's what I should've done anyway.
I got here Saturday afternoon to meet a girlfriend for a day of fun. We lavished in the sunken living room and L-shaped couches of the glorious Palazzo Hotel suites (I dig them), gambled, visited several other malls, and mainlined heroin. We didn't do heroin but visiting all the malls made me want to. Donny and Marie aren't playing while I'm here; I would've gone back. That night we hooked in with Kathy Najimy who was here with a big group celebrating her husband Dan Finnerty's (he's the main guy in The Dan Band) birthday. In their group was Cheri Oteri. You know how I feel about a funnylady, right? She's FUNNY!
(Speaking of funnyladys — my guests Thursday night are Tracey Ullman and Kristen Johnston. I am a big fan of both of them and am especially excited about meeting Tracey Ullman.)
Yesterday morning we woke up and walked the strip. City Center is pretty amazing — a massive piece of contemporary architecture and interior design. They have both a tram and public art. We played a lot of roulette at Planet Hollywood and I decided that playing roulette actually makes Facebook look like a constructive use of time. I wound up spending much of the day at Shear Genius judge (and celebrity megacolorist) Kim Vo's fantastic Salon and Spa at the Mirage. I am so hydrated and full of lotion it should be illegal.
Before I leave you, I have to re-print a post that Andy's Blog reader Suzy in Seattle left in the comment bin on Friday. I think this is a FANTASTIC story and have been visualizing it all weekend. Thank you for sharing this, Suzy!!:
In 1964 my parents took a trip to Vegas (a dental convention) and stayed at the Flamingo. My mom sat by the pool while my dad was "conventioning" and she saw this very thin, beautiful lady on a chaise lounge by herself. My mom, never one to skip a meal ... called over a waiter and ordered herself a sandwich and an iced tea ... and then said "make that two." When it was delivered to her poolside table, she sent the other plate to the slender woman. Surprised by the delivery, the woman walked over to mom and asked "Why did you send this?" My mother replied that she looked like she needed a sandwich. They ate their lunches together and Miss Ross explained that she was the headliner with a group called The Supremes. Clueless, my mother told her that she wasn't aware of them but she was sure her daughters would know. Diana proceeded to call the front desk and ask for three postcards. She had my mother fill out our address then Miss Ross wrote us all post cards. I still have mine. I'm now 57 and treasure my Flamingo postcard with my name written and signed by Diana Ross.
My mom is gone now, but I love the story because it reminds me of how fun and cute my mother was and it also is a testament to what a lovely person Diana Ross is. My sisters and I were out of our minds when we found out that our mother had lunch with a superstar.