Where on earth do I begin to report the nonsense that has transpired since Friday?
I am boarding a plane from Atlanta to NYC after a -- what's the word here -- um, how about dramatic Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion taping. I mean DRAMA, people. I haven't seen anything like it since never. And watch the show tonight to find out the results of NeNe's DNA test, and to hear Sheree say "She, by Sheree" 10 times too few. I am obsessed with "She by Shiree."
The love affair between Anderson Cooper and NeNe continues. Yesterday afternoon I had NeNe (who has a new short 'do) leave him a (hysterical) voicemail, and last night he gave her a shout-out on "360." I will have much more on the Atlanta Reunion as the weeks come. I need to process it, OK?
Last Friday night in LA was all about a birthday celebration for a friend in Koreatown. We started with Korean BBQ and followed it up at what is the best karaoke joint I think I've ever been to. The Palm Tree. My crowning solo achievement of the eve was "Rocky Mountain High", but Bruce and I really were the kings of the duet, with "Islands in the Stream," "Endless Love," and then we turned tons of songs not meant for duet ("Killing me Softly") into double Dutch affairs.
While dueting "Vogue" with some sort of kickboxing routine, my leg got in his way and I suffered a horrible karaoke injury. You can't believe the gash on my leg. Well I can't believe it -- maybe you can.
Turning heartbreak into hope, I turned a blind eye to the karaoke gash Saturday morning and headed with my ex-bf to Richard Simmons' Beverly Hills "Slimmons" studio for a class with the master himself. It's true -- Richard Simmons is still teaching, and it is not only twelve bucks -- and a trip -- but it will also kick your lily-white ass harder than any "Vogue" kickboxing mess!
Ever-timely, Richard wore a blue tank top emblazened with a sequined image of our nation's capital. He screeched. He danced. He yelled at my ex for giving me the finger during class. He entertained the little Hasidic kids who stand gaping at the open back door of the classroom watching in awe.
And at the end of class he sat us all down and gave us a pep talk about not overeating at holiday parties. And he cried for us recounting an inspirational story about a letter he got from an obese lady who is making a go of it. Oh yeah and it was dancing and weights and abs and good music and lots of Slimmonsy stuff and I felt like I was in the '80s. And I like the '80s, so that was fine with me. I was lightheaded and dizzy after the 90 minutes. It was the best (and most surreal) workout I've had in a long long time. There's ample parking in front, too!
Saturday night, after a nap, I went out with Lance Bass and his Dancing with the Stars partner Lacey Schwimmer. He's lost 15 pounds, looks great, and is working his ass off harder than I did at Slimmons. She's adorable, 20 years old, and the first So You Think You Can Dance star to crossover to DWTS. They are both in the thick of it and are considered the "rebels" of the show for not dancing to 90-year-old Len Goodman's cockeyed liking. Lance said his cha-cha with La Looch was not their finest moment on the show.
I'd heard that her elimination turned into a Daytime Emmy moment but he's a diplomat and would only say he was sad to see her go. We were detained getting around town a couple times by gay protests blocking the streets. Go gays!
My flight from LA to Atlanta was basically three hours at war with my lady flight attendant, who shares a name with a comic book heroine. She laughed in my face when I asked for a honey packet with my tea, "What do you think this is, Kentucky Fried Chicken?" (Um, no. A honey packet?) She made fun of me for reading The New York Times -- "Oh you WOULD read that LIBERAL RAG." Lovely! She gave me the what-for about my job, "watching and thinking about TV shows for a living cannot be considered WORK." Well, she was right about two of the three things I guess, but I don't need to see that kind of attitude!
Besides "NENE GIVES IT AT REUNION SHOW," the best headline of yesterday was: "OBAMA TALKS TO UNPOPULAR WORLD LEADER WITHOUT PRECONDITIONS." Ha! OK I gots to board ...