"My Mazel goes to Tommy, a Norwegian singer/celebrity blogger who made a video to raise awareness for a terrible thing that's happening in his country. A butter shortage! And he doesn't appreciate you laughing about it either."

"It's time now for my Mazel of the day and it goes to Japanese moms. According to the BBC, they go to classes and spend up to two hours each morning so they can pack their kids' lunchboxes. I love that."

"It is time for my Mazel of the week, and it goes to Keanu Reeves. Lots of people wonder if movie stars are nice, well, Keanu Reeves is! Here's how I know, he gave up his seat on the subway."

"It's time for my Mazel of the day and it goes to Merlin Sneed. Yes, he allegedly picked up a prostitute; and yes, they allegedly hung out and smoked some alleged rock cocaine, but, when he went to call a cab to take the lady away, he accidentally called 911. It turns out when you're high, a 9 kind of looks like a 4. The only ride anybody got was in a police car, so why the Mazel? Because it takes a real gentleman to at least try to call a taxi for a cracked out hooker."

"It's time for my Mazel of the week and it goes to Mike Tyson. He sang 'The Girl from Ipanema' on a Brazilian TV show, so you can cancel Hanukkah because this is better than eight gifts to me."

"It is time for my Mazel of the day, and it goes to 70-something Canadian football hall of famers, Joe Kapp and Angelo Mosca, who prove they've still got it by getting into a smack down at a luncheon with canes. Look at this, it's adorable. They kind of wound up beating the crap out of each other. Is it possible for something to be upsetting and adorable at the same time?"

"My Mazel of the Week goes to Prince William for rescuing some Russian seamen. Before you get too excited, it turns out the two Russian sailors were shipwrecked and Prince William got in his navy prince-copter and saved 'em."

"The Mazel tonight is Snoopy!"

"It's time for my Mazel of the Week and it goes to school kids because Congress has declared that pizza is now a vegetable because of the tomato paste. Who said Congress can't get anything done? Now if we can just get them to realize that cookies, which are round like apples and oranges, are basically fruit, we'll be all set."

"It's time for my Mazel of the day, and it goes to you, The Sucklord, only because you have the most entertaining name in the history of Bravo competition shows, and that is a big, long history."

"It's time for my Mazel of the day and it goes to, of course, Kim Zolciak and Kroy Biermann who got married on Friday. I can't wait to see that wedding. Mazel to both of you. But we have an even more breaking news Mazel, we just found this out tonight, for Jenni Pulos who got engaged this weekend to Jonathan Nassos."

"It is time for my Mazel of the day and it goes to someone from Twitter who tweeted me today, @sarahober74, for the phenomenon that occurred for her today. She found the image of Taylor Armstrong in her Italian ice. A lot of people see Jesus in their toast or ceiling stains, but I'm pretty sure a Taylor Armstrong apparition is a modern day miracle."

"Thursday during his show at the Beacon Theater in New York, Conan officiated the first same sex marriage ever on late night television. I was invited to give away one of the grooms. It was so cool."

"It's time for my Mazel of the Week and it goes to my St. Louis Cardinals who pulled out a World Series win in seven games. I was so blown away watching game 6, and game 7 was just like an incredible curtain call. Mazel guys."

"It's time for my Mazel of the Day and it goes to the newest and greatest star of the internet this Halloween season, it's Asian baby Mr. T! Aww. Nobody knows who this baby is, but he is my damn hero."

"It's time for my Mazel of the Week everybody, and this week it goes to St. Louis Cardinal Albert Pujols for his World Series single-game three home-run hat trick. He joined Reggie Jackson and Babe Ruth as the only three players in history to have accomplished that."

"It's time for my Mazel of the Day and it goes to my friend, Giuliana Rancic, who announced today that she's battling breast cancer. Thank God it was discovered in the early stages, and I know that she is going to kick its butt. But ladies, it is October, please get 'em checked out."

"Lindsay Lohan's teeth... We all saw pictures of you on the internet this week, and it's clear that you guys have been through so much -- what exactly I don't know -- but I just wanted to tell Lindsay Lohan's teeth to hang in there. Yikes!"

"This guy is an artist who has many muses in the form of Housewives -- check out his work -- he's done several drawings of the ladies, but my favorite may be his latest, Teresa as her personality twin, Lucille Ball. I love it, and David Gilmore's website is prettyontheoutside.com, he's amazing."

"This little squirrel busted up game four and sprayed squirrel luck all over my beloved St. Louis Cardinals. They went on to win that series. They didn't have a great night against the Brewers tonight, but they're in it and I'm excited. So, um, Mazel rally squirrel!"

"It was announced today that the queen of my people may perform during half time at the Super Bowl this year. Ordinarily I tune in for a few minutes just to check out the pants, but this year I'm gonna stay for Madonna!"

"At age 92 he made his last regular 60 Minutes appearance tonight. I feel honored and privileged to have known and worked with him a little bit during those 33 years; and if in my career I get to work until I have half the eyebrows he has, I will consider myself lucky."